Not at all weird. I've struggled with my fantasies for a while until it was explained to me: fiction can be a safe place for revenge fantasies, violence, misogyny and a way to explore them. Even if the fiction itself doesn't make the statement so loudly, even if it's simply problematic, we can like it because it mirrors our fears. It can be our kink - without being something we want to happen in real life. It can be the only place we can grapple with the fear/fantasies, and it can be a catharsis of sorts. Again, possibly our only catharsis. There's no way to explore these themes in real life without it being dangerous.
Nor does exploring the fantasies mean that we can't be aware of how problematic this would be in real life. It's not even doublethink: we know it's awful, we like /in fantasy only./ One of the first places I encountered this was in a short story written by a woman about rape fantasies. It explored why women had them, and the ensuing guilt about having them. It explained things, and I was so bothered by my own fictional inclinations - including, yeah, nonconsensual kink - that I repressed it until it was explained again later. It was in one of those huge short story collections and now that I want to reread it with full understanding of what it was saying, I can't. (I think it was called Rape Fantasies, in fact...)
Long story short: I like things that are problematic, narratively, because the situations are wrong, and on and on. I call this shit out. "This plothole was huge, but..." "No, no, sexist, but..."
Most shit is problematic on some level or other. You can love something, while still acknowledging the faults. I in fact actively read negative reviews of shit I like and positive reviews of shit I don't like. I oftentimes even agree with the opposite point of view, especially on books I like. I've left comments like 'this was true, and funny, and I laughed my ass over this review. I still loved it despite this faults, but, yes, to all of this.'
Point is: if you loved it, but know it was wrong if it happened in real life, it might be your literary catharsis.
Sorry for dropping this essay right here, but as I said, I struggled for a long, long time with this - and I wasn't happy until I accepted these things. Maybe you don't need this, and that's fine. But someone else who reads might need it: when I needed to hear this most, I was too embarrassed and guilty to say anything. So I leave this here for anyone who might be embarrassed to say anything, but might need to read it anyway.
I totally agree. You can think something is wrong and still like it in books. I recognize this and am quite fine with it, no matter how different you want things in RL, books are our safe haven.
This was definitely the case with this book for me. I knew the way Lincoln acted was so so wrong and in RL I would probably file a restraining order, but in this book... it worked for me.
I've written things like that, too, so... yeah. Like I said, it was for people who were like younger me. I figured you probably weren't: I didn't want to say anything about it and was good about repressing and stuff, so I wouldn't have posted what you did up there :D
Nor does exploring the fantasies mean that we can't be aware of how problematic this would be in real life. It's not even doublethink: we know it's awful, we like /in fantasy only./ One of the first places I encountered this was in a short story written by a woman about rape fantasies. It explored why women had them, and the ensuing guilt about having them. It explained things, and I was so bothered by my own fictional inclinations - including, yeah, nonconsensual kink - that I repressed it until it was explained again later. It was in one of those huge short story collections and now that I want to reread it with full understanding of what it was saying, I can't. (I think it was called Rape Fantasies, in fact...)
Long story short: I like things that are problematic, narratively, because the situations are wrong, and on and on. I call this shit out. "This plothole was huge, but..." "No, no, sexist, but..."
Most shit is problematic on some level or other. You can love something, while still acknowledging the faults. I in fact actively read negative reviews of shit I like and positive reviews of shit I don't like. I oftentimes even agree with the opposite point of view, especially on books I like. I've left comments like 'this was true, and funny, and I laughed my ass over this review. I still loved it despite this faults, but, yes, to all of this.'
Point is: if you loved it, but know it was wrong if it happened in real life, it might be your literary catharsis.
Sorry for dropping this essay right here, but as I said, I struggled for a long, long time with this - and I wasn't happy until I accepted these things. Maybe you don't need this, and that's fine. But someone else who reads might need it: when I needed to hear this most, I was too embarrassed and guilty to say anything. So I leave this here for anyone who might be embarrassed to say anything, but might need to read it anyway.
Rape Fantasies by Margaret Atwood. Now I need to track that down.
This was definitely the case with this book for me. I knew the way Lincoln acted was so so wrong and in RL I would probably file a restraining order, but in this book... it worked for me.