Thankfully not everyone is dead set on keeping the families together; but sadly, a lot of people still think that abused women stay with their abuser because they're weak.
Edit : and let's not talk of abused men!
They are mostly far from weak. Unfortunately, there can be lots of reasons for not leaving.
I do know an abused man. In many ways, he's the strongest person I know.
Thanks for the review, Red! I work domestic violence cases and I don't find a lot of fiction out there that represents my clients' experiences, especially in the court system. And it is absolutely true that abusers use mutual children as a way to continue to get at their victims for the next 18 years.
What I see happening with child custody isn't so much what you've described happening in this book (I've never heard of a parent losing custody for "allowing" the other parent to abuse the children - CPS wants to keep families together if at all possible and who else is going to get the kids, the abusive parent?) But there's definitely this idea that abuse can be compartmentalized - if the abuse has only been targeted at the other parent and not the kids themselves, they can easily wind up with a 50/50 custody situation.
I don't know if this one rings 100% true, but it worked for me.
It was set in New Hampshire; maybe it's an idiosyncrasy of that state. It was published in 2013, so it's current. I haven't researched it; maybe that just worked better with the story.
I admire you for working in the field. I'm sure it must be frustrating and heart-breaking. I hope there are times for celebration as well.
I live in Oklahoma. The records of our CPS and DVS have been under fire for the past five or six years. I don't know if there's been an improvement. I do know that they are understaffed, underpaid, and expected to work miracles in an impossible environment.
Thanks, Red. My work is not all depressing by any means. And I don't mean to say that sort of thing would never happen - I don't think it would happen now and where I live, but the system can be crazy and there are so many people in it, often without legal representation, that shit can and does happen. CPS has also changed a lot in the last generation or so, moving from taking kids out of homes to providing services to families. I can envision a situation where CPS decided one parent was unsafe for being an abuser and the other for being prone to abusive relationships and unable to stand up for the kids, and removed the kids from both of them. Or where another relative or third party got custody for the same reason. I just wanted to clarify that it is not typical - from my experience or that of any other advocates I've talked to - for people to lose custody just for being a victim, and especially not to lose custody to the abuser.
All that said, if the person hasn't abused the kids they're likely to get unsupervised visitation and often overnights, and so do some victims stay to be a buffer between the abuser and the kids? Absolutely.
Merle, thanks so much for that clarification. It's such a relief to know that helping people through the DV experience is not all hopelessness and dismay.
Great review, Red. I have an unrelated/slightly related comment. One of my short stories deal with a domestic abuse situation in a humorous way. My heroine, a witch, found a way to prevent an abusive boyfriend from ever hitting his partner again. Of course, she used magic, and her spell wasn't very nice, but it was funny. When my daughter read it she went ballistic. She said I shouldn't treat such a serious issue in such an irreverent way. But people laugh at horror, don't they? It's one of the way we deal. Am I wrong?
Hi Olga, I'm not Red but I'll give this a shot since I'm here. :) People do deal with things through humor and I think the key is whether the joke comes across as an insider using it to cope (i.e. coming from an author/character who already appreciates the seriousness of the issue) or an outsider having a laugh at someone else's expense. It's the difference between making morbid jokes when you are a cancer patient, and making morbid jokes to the person you met in line at the grocery store, who is a cancer patient. I don't think most people would object to an abuser getting his just desserts in a humorous way, provided the joke doesn't seem to make light of abuse, but you have to decide whether it adds enough for the people who appreciate it to make up for alienating the people who don't. Probably worth running by a few more readers to see if their reactions are similar to your daughter's.
Thanks, Merle. I know what you mean and I hope I didn't cross the line. I'm not laughing at the victim. I just found a way to punish and mock the abuser with magic.
Unfortunately, finding beta-readers is a problem for me. I'd like several different opinions on the story but I don't know how to ask for them. Most people I know don't read fantasy.
Merle, good answer.
Olga, have you asked here on BL? You could just publish it on your blog. I've seen other authors do it, and I think they get responses. Good luck.
Edit : and let's not talk of abused men!
I do know an abused man. In many ways, he's the strongest person I know.
What I see happening with child custody isn't so much what you've described happening in this book (I've never heard of a parent losing custody for "allowing" the other parent to abuse the children - CPS wants to keep families together if at all possible and who else is going to get the kids, the abusive parent?) But there's definitely this idea that abuse can be compartmentalized - if the abuse has only been targeted at the other parent and not the kids themselves, they can easily wind up with a 50/50 custody situation.
It was set in New Hampshire; maybe it's an idiosyncrasy of that state. It was published in 2013, so it's current. I haven't researched it; maybe that just worked better with the story.
I admire you for working in the field. I'm sure it must be frustrating and heart-breaking. I hope there are times for celebration as well.
I live in Oklahoma. The records of our CPS and DVS have been under fire for the past five or six years. I don't know if there's been an improvement. I do know that they are understaffed, underpaid, and expected to work miracles in an impossible environment.
Unfortunately, finding beta-readers is a problem for me. I'd like several different opinions on the story but I don't know how to ask for them. Most people I know don't read fantasy.
Olga, have you asked here on BL? You could just publish it on your blog. I've seen other authors do it, and I think they get responses. Good luck.