I can only echo Mad's comment ... it is very brave of you to share you story. If reading is a sign that you are on the road to getting better than I wish you a new year filled with books.
Thank you so much for sharing. Living with depression is a terrible, horrible thing, and you have done the best you can with what you've been given in this life. From your story I can tell you are so brave and you are loved. You will feel better. You've done it before and you'll do it again, just give yourself time. Thank you again for writting this.
You're not alone, I care for my husband who was suicidal earlier this year, damn scary it was, I'm often at a loss for words in what to say except that thanks for sharing and keep being strong and you're not alone, reach out for help, there are people to help you, and you are a badass mf for fighting your own brain every day.
I'm terribly sorry you're struggling. I think it's really brave to put yourself out there like this and I hope you are feeling better soon. Stay strong and know you are never alone. Best wishes.
Please do remember you are not alone. It was brave of you to share this, and braver still to reach out and ask for help, which is extremely hard to do sometimes. Just remember you have a crop of people in your corner, including some you don't know except here. :)
I do hope that you find something that will help you, and give you some relief.
Thank you for sharing, and if you need anything that I can give via the internet, please let me know.