Comments: 3
RedT Reads Randomly 3 years ago
I like this a lot -- what you're saying and where you're going with it.
You're right that it needs a little editing. I'd offer something for the second line, but I've got nothing; but the rest of the first verse, especially "Inscribed with worldly experience Fleshed nuance - subtlety - innocence" -- primo.

Suggestion: And no genre definition confines this tale's erudition: Romance, adventure, fantasy all combined in rhapsody. It flows a little better, maybe, but also it might change your meaning too much, so . . . Shrug.

And the last two lines. I think you're saying that we're all going about our lives creating new pages to be read? Perfect.


Ironic Contradictions 3 years ago
Thanks, those are great constructive points!
As a rule I hate criticism. In arguments I take things personally. Hence I need constructive crticisim when asked for it so that's great to read and I definitely think that the second line's rhythm doesn't quite work. The second suggestion might work there I'll tweak your words a little. Rhapsody and fantasy...like that!!!
And yes that's exactly what I am saying :)
RedT Reads Randomly 3 years ago
:)