Comments: 26
I'm 36 and the "when are you going to have kids?" question has finally died off, I've apparently reached an old enough age that I'm deemed too old and decrepit for such things. Love that aspect but now I'm noticed a slight gross pitying of "who is going to take care of you?" and general vibe of my life must lack meaning.
The only thing I've found I've disliked about not wanting/having kids is that it makes it just about impossible to keep friends with people who do and make friends at an older age.
I've said since I was a teenager that I didn't want kids and I've honestly never regretted it.
It's made me more empathetic and understanding of other's life choices that I otherwise might not have understood because of dealing with the rudeness of others regarding my child-free by choice decision.
Chris' Fish Place 3 years ago
I get the why don't you have kids thing.
3 years ago
Isn't it amazing what people think they have the right to ask? I'm glad to be too old for the children discussion. And it seems to me its the people in unhappy marriages who poke me the most about getting married.
Chris' Fish Place 3 years ago
I know. And people think it is polite.
Caring, even!
Chris' Fish Place 3 years ago
I want to say to make up something about a tragic accident and the removal of my womb.
Murder by Death 3 years ago
Just last week (I think - maybe 2 weeks ago) my cousin actually looked me in the eye and said "oh, you still have time yet!".

I'll be 50 in 6 months.

I might have questioned her sanity out loud, using profane language.
Chris' Fish Place 3 years ago
There was that story about a 70 year old giving birth.
Murder by Death 3 years ago
Do I have to express my revulsion at that thought? I'm all for staying young, but there are limits.
Chris' Fish Place 3 years ago
I just think, poor kid.
Familiar Diversions 3 years ago
Oh gosh, I just had a conversation about being child-free yesterday. An acquaintance commented about me having kids one day, and I said absolutely not, after which she brought up that I might change my mind and/or end up with a guy who wants kids. So I shocked her by telling her that, if I found out a person I was dating wanted kids, that would be a sign that that person and I were not meant to be together. /Then/ she started asking whether I was so vehement about not wanting kids because I was trying to convince myself that I didn't want any. My response: no, I've just had this conversation so many times already and am tired of people thinking I don't know my own mind about this.

The conversation also assumed I'd be interested in having sex (that's also a definite no), and that I'd specifically be interested in men (eh, who knows?), but I didn't want to get into that. "I don't want kids AT ALL" seemed like enough shocking info for one day.

This sounds like a good thing to add to the "reassurance that I'm not a complete weirdo" TBR pile.
Chris' Fish Place 3 years ago
You're not.
3 years ago
I second that!
Thirded. I stopped counting how many times I had to have that conversation -- I'm *so* glad those days are finally over once and for all.
Murder by Death 3 years ago
I have, on occasion, pulled out the earth-is-overcrowded argument. Oddly, I find that shuts down all conversation faster than anything else. Though, I have to admit, very, very few people have ever pushed me on the subject; usually I just tell people I interpret my lack of overwhelming desire for kids as a sign I'd probably not be a very good mother. Though, for the record, I'd be a kick-ass mother. ;-)
"I'd be a terrible mother" only tended to get me responses along the lines of "oh, don't be so hard on yourself ... you'll only find out if you try!" In fact, any kind of explanation or reasoned argument just seems an invitation to up the ante. So I ended up just saying "I don't want kids, period" and giving them a hard, "live with it and f* off" kind of stare. Or not commenting at all, depending on the situation (and who I was talking to).
Murder by Death 3 years ago
I'm always startled by how many people will argue the point without thinking it through; I mean, what if the person is unable to have kids? It's - to me, anyway - the sort of social minefield akin to asking a woman how far along she is, when in reality she's just gained weight. Not to mention, first and foremost, rude, invasive, and nobody's business.
Yes, yes, and yes. AND of course (as Chris says in her review) it's based on the premise that women choosing to have a career *instead of* kids are somehow not fulfilling their destiny / role in life / whatever. Which is what p*es me off most of all, next to it really not being anybody's business but mine in the first place.
Familiar Diversions 3 years ago
@TA - I've had similar responses to "I'd be a terrible mother." And even if I explicitly say, "I think it would be bad for both the child and myself if someone who doesn't want children as much as I don't want children had one," people still try to argue.

@MbD: I /hate/ pregnancy speculation, and people always seem taken aback when I refuse to join excited conversations about whether so-and-so is pregnant. If the person is actually pregnant, excited about it, and has shared the news, then fine. Otherwise, I wish people would lay off.
Chris' Fish Place 3 years ago
@FA: Seriously. The four month rule is there for a reason. Someone's fertility or lack is not public business.
Midu Reads 3 years ago
Lesser than...have it easier...are missing out...and so on!
Murder by Death 3 years ago
I've had this book on my list for awhile now - I'll be buying it as soon as I can get my hands on it here.
Chris' Fish Place 3 years ago
Did everyone see the rant from a woman who took a 3 year old to Disney World and hates childless women because they make the lines extra long at Disney World?
What a nutcase.
Familiar Diversions 3 years ago
Yeah. It made me sad for her kids. I got a whiff of "if I have to suffer through lugging around kids at Disney World, you should too!"
Murder by Death 3 years ago
HA! And I've always argued that Disney (and all the like - including, and ESPECIALLY Legoland), have a 'no kids allowed' day, so those of us who aren't saddled with our own offspring don't have to put up with the over-sugared offspring of others.