In 1973 German Anna-Ray attempted to kill her brother. The plan was badly conceived, poorly executed, and ultimately unsuccessful. But then again, she was only four at the time. Anna-Ray is now a loving mum.

Geordie Grant learned at 19 how to use a machete to kill silently in the Burmese jungle. He has beheaded dozens of Japanese soldiers and collected their ears on his belt. His voice was silky smooth, his lips sensuous and his Elvis impressions better than the original.

Dutch Saskia knowingly chose a sadistic violent paranoid schizophrenic paedophile as the babysitter for her little four year old girl, and, despite plenty of warning signs, did nothing to protect her. The ordeal lasted ten years and only ended when he was committed to a mental health facility. Not for what he had done to Saskia’s daughter. He slapped his psychiatrist. Saskia still denies any of this ever happened. All of her children love her deeply.

We strive to survive not only what was done to us, but worse, what we have done to others. Mere physical survival is not enough, we need to live. We get better and better at rewriting our past, we create constructs that reflect who we would like to have been. Like Chinese whispers, stories change the more often we tell them. After a while we muddle up dates and places, we forget which version we told whom. Narrative therapy, a great tool for moving on, at the same time fragments us. How can we feel truly loved if no one knows who we really are? Can we ever regain a whole and integrated self? Is it possible to change those constructs before the varnish sets?

In this fictionalised autobiography, psychotherapist Diana Armstrong attempts to tell her story in a way that reflects the psychological truth of what happened. Following the example of impressionist painters, Diana uses writing styles that will intrigue you, tempt you, confuse, repel and infuriate you in equal measure.
Framed by the sinister enigma of nine lovers who have been summoned to complete a gruesome task at a funeral in Scotland, the narrative spans historical developments from the Nazi invasion of the Netherlands to the battle of Kohima and post war Germany right up to the present day.