Guys and gals-who-love-guys-who-rub-their-penises-with-other-guys: I want to apologize in advance, because I know that most of my friends really liked this book and I liked the first 40% too. But once the MCs began to dip their toes into the romance territory, everything became just SO ABSURD and turned out to be so truly, madly, deeply stupid, that I really, really couldn’t.
*** SPOILERS 'N SHIT ***
There were so many eye-roll inducing moments, SO many, that I was afraid that I’d see my own brain at one point:
- Like Austin cheating on his wife with Cam. And I really don’t care if his wife was the queen bitch of all the bitches who ever bitched, it still doesn’t justify cheating in my book. If it would, then 99% of our M/M romance community should immediately start worrying about our own relationship right the fuck NOW. And on that note: Good luck with that own marriage of yours, Austin & Cam. Now that I know how much the sanctity of marriage means to you, you'll be needing it.
- Like Austin, who went from a 40-year-old straight guy (who hasn’t even been remotely bi-curious his whole life) to a fucking GAY SEX PRO overnight. Quick question: Can you imagine, even for a second, that maybe a man who’s sleeping with another man for the first time ever would want to take things slowly, and not dive headfirst into cum swallowing and rimming another guy's ass? That's what I thought. It was one of the most cringe-worthy first-time gay virgin sex scenes my eyes have ever read. It couldn’t have been more unrealistic if cute little Disney animals came out of the woods and watched that whole mess from the window.
- Like Austin ending up in a gay bar for whateverfuck reason (in any case it was NOT because he was questioning his own sexuality, and I honestly still don’t know why he went there of all the places to begin with, but my questions are pointless and don’t you worry, it doesn’t matter and I really don’t care) and OF COURSE he conveniently gets hit on by Cam’s ex after five seconds. 'Cause
- Like all the prisoners have been SERIOUSLY discussing and wondering why their kidnapper tortured ten innocent strangers instead of the real life people they've been assigned to. Um, hey bozos, just thinking out loud here, but maybe your friendly Mr. Torturer just DIDN’T WANT TO GET CAUGHT? I might still be in the middle of my FBI profiler degree, but if ten people went missing and there's this one single person who's connected to them all, then I'm pretty sure that that person would turn out to be the #1 suspect. But then again, what do I know?
- Like Austin and Cam only started to get to know each other by sharing memories, hobbies and their professions after having spent MONTHS together in a tiny isolation cell for 24/7. Because you’ve been so occupied and distracted with literally doing NOTHING all day that the thought of small talk and getting to know each other just slipped your mind, I guess?
I could go on and on, folks; I've written down dozens of this nonsense stuff.
But my main problem with this book was that I didn’t buy the romance between Austin and Cam AT ALL. I've understood the closeness and the comfort that these two felt for each other after what they've been through. Truly and honestly, I did. I swear to Kylie! But there’s STILL a difference between being co-dependant and developing romantic feelings.
It made NO FUCKING SENSE that Austin was also suddenly being physically attracted to Cam. Or that he craved cock from one day to the next. The Gay-For-You, or Bi-For-You, or Whatever-The-Fuck-For-You theme was one of the worst and sloppiest that I’ve ever read. The brand-new gay sex machine Austin had no worries at all being attracted to a guy all of a sudden. There was no hesitation, no inner turmoil, no big conflict. Just NOTHING. His parents were A-OK with it too. And in perhaps the biggest suspension of disbelief in the entire book, so was his daughter. His daughter, who just recently had to cope with the fact that her parents are getting a divorce and who caught her father kissing and groping another man in the kitchen, was also immediately totally cool AF about Austin and Cam. Because Cam had a pool. And a dog. Sure, okay, whatevs.
Quick question: couldn’t Austin at least for just one frigging paragraph pondering if his feelings for Cam mean that he was actually a bisexual? No, for some reason I suppose not. Remember how Cam himself was supposed to be bisexual too at the beginning of the book? But apparently they both didn’t really feel like talking about this issue and they didn’t seem to mind either, I guess.
Long story short, I briefly hesitated to give this book 3 stars. But alas, if I’m more invested in the flashbacks and the torture scenes than in the relationship at hand in a romance book, then it’s just not 3 stars material for me.
Unfortunately, I’ve already bought the sequel which is about another couple (Goddess Bless), but then I’ve also heard that it is supposed to be “not as good as the first book”. Oh joy. Here goes nothin’.
Thanks to Marte for the BR.