"OLD SOLDIER SAHIB" was written by Frank Richards as a follow-up to his widely acclaimed First World War memoir "Old Soldiers Never Die."

Richards shares with the reader some aspects of his early life leading up to his enlistment in the British Army in 1901 during the waning days of the Boer War. It is fascinating to see through his eyes a glimpse of how life in Britain was for a working class person at that time, as well as gain an understanding of how the Army trained soldiers and carried out its regular functions. 

After a year of home service, Richards' unit is shipped to India, where he shares with the reader much of what he did and experienced there. This, for me, was perhaps the best part of the memoir because, as someone who visited India in February 2003, I savored the opportunity to see British India through Richards' eyes. One example from Richards' time in India that made me chuckle was the following: 

"A man in my tent at Meerut had bought a very clever little monkey and dressed him up with little striped trousers, red coat and a pill-box on the side of his head. He gave him a little wooden musket too and trained him at the word of command to go through all the arms-drill that a soldier was taught. He had a small collar around his neck, to which was attached a long thin chain. During the day he was tied up with this chain to a large tent-peg outside the tent; on cold nights he slept at the foot of his master's bed. The man badly wanted to see what effect a drop of beer would have on his pet, so one day he brought about a pint and half of beer in a basin from Canteen and held it for him to have a drink. The monkey took a good drink and the way he smacked his lips afterwards made some of us who were looking on think that it was not the first occasion that he had tasted beer. By the time had drained the basin dry he was helplessly drunk. He staggered towards the tent-peg to lean his arms on it, which was usual custom when resting during the day; but he must have been seeing a dozen pegs, because each time that he put on his arms to lean on it he was still two or three feet away. After falling down half a dozen times, he gave it up and the last time he fell he went to sleep. He now took the habit of accompanying his master to the Canteen every evening; after he performed a few tricks he would go along from table to table, holding out a little tin mug for a drop of beer to be put in it. Night after night he got gloriously drunk, and after he had been with us twelve months his master awoke one morning to find him dead at the foot of his bed. All the boozers were convinced that he had drunk himself to death, which in their opinion was the most noble and happy end to which either man or monkey could come."

Eventually, Richards' unit was transferred to Burma, where he served out the remainder of his Army service. Then he returned to Britain (1909), where he was put into reserve status. A status he maintained until August 1914. 

For anyone keen to experience a way of life long past from someone who lived it, "Old Soldier Sahib" is the book to read. 

I remember my Dad telling me once that he didn't particularly like the Billy Bunter books where Bunter went for adventures abroad, that is outside of the immediate vicinity of Greyfriar's school. After reading this book I can now see why – it was absolutely atrocious, or more so really really painful. Okay, the excessive use of the N word in reference to people with skins darker than ours may have been acceptable coming out of Bunter's mouth because it is, well, Bunter, but the reality is that even if it is just Bunter's character to be so rude, crude, and racist, it still doesn't mean that I have to accept it. In fact the character of Billy Bunter has become so annoying that I highly doubt I will read any more of his books.

The story goes that Bunter is given a position as an assistant clerk for one of his father's companies, though the catch is that the role is on an island located in the stretches of the South Pacific. Anyway, he is sent out there, all expenses paid, and his school buddies (for want of a better word), the Famous Five, accompany him, if only so he can settle down somewhat. However, upon arrival at the main island they discover that a rather brutish man has taken over, and after giving him a bit of a thumping, they are then taken to the island of Lololo where they discover that the shop has been deserted because the island has been over-run by cannibals.

Maybe Billy Bunter has started losing its appeal, but I was able to read all of the Secret Seven and Famous Five books without being put off as much as this book put me off (though there were some of Blyton's books that I found almost as painful as I found this book). Not only was I rather disappointed at Bunter's excessive use of the N word (and the fact that the guy is a pretty elitist, and quite racist, individual as is), but also the fact that is he so lazy and so oblivious to the fact that nobody likes him, and why nobody likes him. There was one book where they decided to teach Bunter a lesson, namely because everybody had become sick of his attitude, however the thing with Bunter is that he never learns, and you get to the point where you simply start banging your head against the brick wall because you know that nothing is going to change.

Okay, in some ways people love to laugh at stupidity – that is why the Simpsons is not only so popular but why Homer Simpson eventually overcame Bart as being the show's most popular character. However, there are some redeemable features with Homer (despite the fact that I eventually became so sick of the show, and the character, that I stopped watching it years ago) – Bunter has none whatsoever. In fact the only reason that he manages to solve all these mysteries is through sheer luck. The other thing is that Bunter may be the title character but there are a lot of books where he actually ends up in the background (though that is not the case with this book). In the end the premise has started becoming a little worn out where I'm concerned.

This book is a remarkable account of life in the trenches from a soldier (the author) who served in France from the beginning of the war in August 1914 to the Armistice. Never once was Richards wounded in all that time! He served with the 2nd Battalion, Royal Welch Fusiliers, which also numbered among its ranks Robert Graves and Siegfried Sassoon. Unlike Graves and Sasson, Richards did not become an officer. Nor did he want to be one. He was a Private throughout his years of service in France.

Richards saw action from the earliest clashes between British and German forces at Mons (Belgium) in August 1914, to First Ypres, to Loos, the Somme, Arras, Passchendaele, and the decisive battles in the late summer and autumn of 1918.

For anyone with an interest in an engaging memoir about a man who managed to survive combat service throughout the First World War, "OLD SOLDIERS NEVER DIE" is a must-read.

As I was trying to work out the next book that I would read I noticed that one of Dad's old Billy Bunter bookers was still sitting on top of my bookshelf (all of the books that I borrow off of people end up on top of my bookshelf so I don't lose them, or get them mixed up with my books). Anyway, since it has been quiet a long time since I have read a Billy Bunter book I decided to give this one a go, especially since it is set in France. Okay, it's set in a the small town of Boulonge-sur-Mar (Boulonge on the sea), which is a coastal holiday resort, and the boys at Greyfriars discover that one can go on a day trip there without the need of a passport.

Mind you, having a bunch of Enligsh daytrippers descend enmass upon your seaside resort is probably not everybody's idea of a fun time, but then again the British press do seem to be blaming the Russians (which I have to admit is not at all surprising).

Anyway, Billy Bunter receives a letter from his Dad telling him that he has just been given an all expenses daytrip to Boulonge, and he is going to send some money to cover all of his expenses. Not surprisingly dollar (or should say pound) signs appear in Bunter's eyes, however as the story progresses it becomes quite evident Billy Bunter's father didn't get to where he got to simply by giving in to his sons every wishes (especially when it comes to food – in fact I get the impression that Billy Bunter's appetite could quite easily bankrupt Bill Gates). As a side note I noticed that Billy Bunter's father is not only a stock broker, but a director of the company that runs the ferry – which once again indicates that he is probably not all that free and easy with his money (and also makes sure that Billy doesn't go on a holiday to Brighton with them).

The rather amusing thing about this book are the attempts of a number of the characters to speak French – especially the fifth former Crocker, who believes that he is a master of the language, but in reality is incredibly inept. Just to think of it, if I had read this book a year (or even six months) ago then it would have made a lot less sense to me as opposed to now after having completed a seven week French course and started another seven week course (not that I'd consider my French all that good – I can describe myself, my friends and family, and neighbourhood, as well as count to a million, and that is probably about it). Okay, it is really only Crocker, who runs around screaming out Garsong (which is Cocker for boy), and Bunter, who are fouling up the French language (though calling the restaurant Soliel D'or the Solid Door was quite amusing), however I can just image that there are probably quite a lot of people who claim to know French and end up screwing it up royally (like what I will probably end up doing).

Which is actually the really big problem with French is that it is really hard to pronounce. At first I was under the assumption that when you speak French you make the last letter of every word silent, which actually isn't the case because if the next word beings with a vowel then you not only pronounce the last letter, you actually run the letter into the proceeding word. Oh, and that thing about making the last letter of every work silent? Well, like English, you make a singular word a plural by adding an 's', however because it is the last letter of the word you don't pronounce it – no wonder we screw up the language and appear to be cretins to the French speaking population.

Putting the frustrations of the French language aside there was actually a really serious note to this book: the dangers of gambling addiction (something that has come to plague our society here in Australia with the deregulation of gaming machines). Vernon-smith, otherwise known as the Bounder, has come up with this system to break the bank at a casino (and any system designed to break the bank is probably going to end up breaking your bank account, unless of course you are the house – the house always wins). Anyway, he manages to get himself invited onto Bunter's holiday and sneaks off to go to a casino where he puts his system in place, and finally loses all his money. This is when the gambling addiction really sets in – when you lose your money you have to win it back, and you are convinced that your system works – you just need more time, and more money, for it to kick in – which is why the house always wins. The scary thing is that I have seen it in people that I have known in the past – they have their system, and they not only end up bankrupting themselves, but also all their friends and family, because the system would have worked if they had just not run out of money. That is why the house inevitably always wins.

Well, I have just come back from watching a performance of The Importance of Being Ernest and while I would love to write about the play I don't feel that I am able to because while I have seen it performed, I have not actually read it (and I wonder why I would read it since performance that I saw was so awesome that by reading the play may spoil the enjoyment of the performance - but then again it is a play so I doubt it would take all that long), so unfortunately I won't be writing a commentary on it at this stage. However, I have also just finished reading this book, and I can certainly write a commentary on this book, which is what I am doing now.

Now, I am sure many of us (me included) probably do not know what a Blue Mauritius is, though if you are a philologist, you probably do, and probably also know how much it is worth, but for those of us who do not engage in that worthwhile hobby (like me), this is a Blue Mauritius:

This little piece of paper, according to Wikipedia is worth a tiny sum of four million dollars, which was the price at last recorded sale in 1993 (if you believe everything Wikipedia says that is). So, if you are a stamp collector, and have one of them in your collection, well, I would consider taking out insurance on it because you really do not want to lose it. Anyway, I suspect the reason that it is so valuable is not just because it was the first colonial British stamp ever printed, but because it has the words 'post office' as opposed to 'postage paid' on it, and there were only a few of these stamps ever printed. It is like those stamps you get that are printed upside down and released before the error is discovered.

As for the story: a local land owner, Sir Popper, has come into a bit of strife with the tax department (and we discover that this is a regular occurrence) so he is forced to sell his stamp. However, for some unknown reason, he wonders around the woods carrying the stamp in his hand crying over how he must part with it (oh the troubles of owning a valuable stamp). However, there are some crooks about who, surprisingly, also want to get their hands on the stamp, so they concoct a number of plans to steal it (which pretty much involves running up to Sir Popper while he is holding the stamp, grabbing it, and bolting). The problem is that the occupants of Greyfriar's school are also wondering about and seem to get in the way of these thieves and every attempt they make in attempting to grab the stamp ultimately ends in failure.

While I would like to go on, I have realised that what I will end up doing is telling you what happens in the book, and that would not be fair (not that these books are widely read these days), but personally, I enjoyed it. Billy Bunter, at least as far as I am concerned, can really only be taken in small doses, but it is good mindless fun with a bit of humour as well. In fact the story is somewhat farcical (such as Sir Popper not learning from his mistakes and continuing to wonder through the woods looking at this stamp) and there is also quite a lot of slapstick, which generally involved Billy Bunter being slapped, hit, and kicked, usually by his peers (though I believe he also receives the cane at least once in this book). Mind you, Bunter is quite a character, and while he is incredibly annoying, I now realise that he only ever solves the problems through sheer luck. In fact, Bunter is far more interested in food, getting money for food, and dodging class, and then when he gets lines for dodging class (or turning up with a face that has been painted blue because he happened to fall asleep in one of the lounges during break), he does his best to try and get out of them, usually unsuccessfully. He just happens to be the bumbling fool that through his own sheer stupidity makes everything right.

The other thing that I love about these books is all of the classical allusions that are thrown about, and in places Richards will actually use a Homeric analogy to describe how lazy and greedy Billy Bunter is, all the while reminding us that the one thing that Mr Quech, the Form Master, is passionate about, is Publius Virgilius Maro (otherwise known as Virgil), and his version of lines inevitably involves copying out large chunks of Virgil (though that was never the case when I went to school; normally when we got lines it would be something like 'I must learn not to misbehave and be disruptive in class' which we would always truncate it to 'I must be good' - that is if we would actually do them). Actually, as I come to think about it, I don't think doing lines ever made us better students, even though it was based on the false premise that if we write something enough then it would sink into our subconsciousness forcing us 'to be good' however it never seemed to work that way because even though we were given lines we would still play up, and by playing up we would get lines, and when we got lines we wouldn't do them and continue to play up. Maybe our High School teacher should have just sent the entire class to the principal's office.

Oh, we also get to meet Ms Elizabeth (Bessie) Bunter in this book as well, and as it turns out, she is the female version of Billy.