His throat got tighter as he read. His face burned, but the heat seemed to go deeper than his skin, into his skull, and gathered behind his eyes. (...) But he kept staring, turning his head, reading the words over and over. Memorizing the scrawl of Bel's writing.
In a dark band around his neck, it said, BRAVEST MOTHERFUCKER IN LOGAN.
"Stop," Bel said sharply. "Don't talk like that. You shouldn't've done it."
Daniel's rage flared. "He shoudn't've fucking beat me!" He struggled up onto his hands and knees, than sat back on his heels. "The problem's what he did. What he fucking did! Only reason he didn't kill me was someone was coming, and he didn't want to get caught."
"But he didn't kill you."
"No, but God, sometimes I wish he had," Daniel said, voice breaking.
Perfect emotional narration. *wipes tears*
"You telling me you get three hours of sleep a night? No wonder you feel crazy."
"Sometimes I put another set of locks in the freezer. So when I get up I can replace the locks to go back to sleep for another couple of hours."
Bel leaned back. "Hell. Hell, I'd kill myself."
"Thought about it. Or figured someone would do it for me. But I don't want to die."
Bel turned his head. "No?"
"No. You think I ought to want to?"
Master Beau jingled the chains. "Crawl to me, Boy."
The chains scared him, but he needed them. Deserved them. He'd fucking killed someone. He was a murderer. He hated himself for the times he forgot. The minutes or sometimes hours he went without reminding himself he was a murderer. If felt like the thing you ought to keep close to you, ought to remember all the time (..).
I'm so glad I've read this book before, and know how this terrifying scene ends. Doesn't make it easier, though. Run, Daniel, run!
Also, my heart breaks for Daniel, and his thoughts of himself.