Dear God, when will this asshole's terror campaign against literature end? I nearly punched a baby after reading his recent short story about a Franco-like character who maybe didn't fuck Lindsay Lohan, but this poetry nonsense is making me stroke out.
From the Guardian article:
"River" addresses James Franco from the point of view of River Phoenix. The first line helpfully makes this clear: "Hello, James, it's River."
"I died at age 23," River reminds James, sounding a bit like a Wikipedia entry. "Ten years before your age now."
And then, startlingly: "James, you're the Jesus age."
THE JESUS AGE. If only this kind of lazy trolling were a capital offense.
Best tumblr of the day goes to Calvin & Dune, which remaps Dune quotes over Calvin & Hobbes panels. So kinda like Nietzsche Family Circus, only not randomly generated. I'm just going to linkstorm to some of my favorite Internet comics in this vein.
Nietzsche Family Circus - previously mentioned - pairs a Nietzsche quote with a random Family Circus panel. It's old in Internet terms, originating in (gap!) 2006, but there's something hypnotic about clicking through a bunch of twee suburbia narrated by a German crank.
Hobbes & Bacon - one, two, three, four - Web comic Pants are Overrated did four strips featuring Calvin and Susie's daughter Bacon - presumably named after the philosopher, not the condiment - which were then continued by Terra Snover for a while. They make my heart strangle a little. There's other ones out there; plz to google yourself.
Garfield Minus Garfield - to quote the project: "[Garfield Minus Garfield] is a journey deep into the mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and depression in a quiet American suburb." Seeing the reactions of Jon to the always thought-bubbled statements by his now illusory orange cat kinda blow my mind. Jim Davis ended up cashing in on this ennui, and there are several print versions of the original web comic available for sale. I'm not sure how I feel about this, but whatever.
"Christ, what an asshole" - the person who originated this idea's page is down at the moment (or maybe permanently), but someone back before google caching noted that all of the single panel New Yorker cartoons could be captioned with "Christ, what an asshole" with minimal damage to the funniness, and often, improvement. To whit:
Quickly, it was noted that this punchline worked for your more traditional three panel weekday comic as well, especially fucking Peanuts. (Maybe it's just being a Minnesotan, which Schulz was too, but his brand of Lutheran miserablism just sets my teeth. I find it astonishing that Peanuts has the devotion it does, given how cruel and depressing his comedy is.) So this pleases me:
Fuck you, Lucy.