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review 2016-09-25 02:29
Time Trials
Time Trials - Jay D. Clark

I have so many problems with this story I don't know where to begin.

- The writing itself - Granny is omnipotent, and people use words and expressions not used in normal, everyday conversation (eg. "your sacred birthright" or "let's see if this will fit Nick's and yours needs and desires")
- The MCs are barely 18 and are behaving like they're much older
- The plot is not believable and has no clear explanation and none of the side character's motives are explained in a way that is satisfactory
- Some scenes were entirely inappropriate. It started out neither here nor there, but gradually became more and more obvious. Examples:
* Granny is guarding the MCs while they kiss. Then she proceeds to put her hands on their faces to break them up.
* Granny making comments about the MC's physique throughout the story.
* Granny, Nick's dad and the dad's boyfriend walk in on Nick and Luke making out naked in the middle of the basement. After they let Nick and Luke put their towels back on, they proceeded to all together eat ice cream, while Nick and Luke were licking said ice cream off of each others chests still in only their towels, and calling it flirting.

 

Granny and Nick’s two dads would just laugh at us, Mr. Vogel and Coach kissing one another every time either Nick or I licked ice cream off the other one. But when Nick spilled some down near the edge of my towel and it started to seep inside, Nick’s dad said, “That one’s out of bounds, boys. Use a napkin on yourself for that one, Luke.”


I'm not going to talk about the comments about fudge in the middle of a rim job.

For me personally, this story had absolutely no redeeming traits whatsoever, so I'm going to give it one star and never read this writer's stories again.

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