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Search tags: ugh-first-person
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text 2016-02-14 13:29
Grr
First Grave on the Right - Darynda Jones

I knew it was too much to ask that this not be in first person. 

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review 2016-01-28 13:46
DNF at 27% — Wicked Appetite OMFG
Wicked Appetite - Janet Evanovich,Lorelei King
This may be the fastest I've ever wanted to flounce a book. In the first minute it two I wanted to be done, but I was in the shower and I would, of course, give the story more of a shot than that.
 
But this was just awful. 
 
Which is a huge disappointment. I was really looking forward to this since every other Janet Evanovich has been enjoyable for me and had little to no sex, which I desperately needed after the last two audiobooks I've listened to that were just sexsexsexsexsexsex.
 
So I had high hopes.
 
Dashed.
 
It's first person, which is the worst to begin with, but there's just no competence to the writing. The whole beginning of the book was the biggest info dump I've ever read and was boring to boot. The characters were flat as cardboard, the dialogue produced physical cringes more than once, and everything had to be described in detail like a mind-numbingly boring shopping list. Every part of this was so juvenile. It read like a kid's first attempt at writing YA. Twilight was more nuanced. 
 
Which just says it all right there.
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review 2015-09-07 19:19
Finished – Armada: The Aliens Were Her Father?!
Armada - Ernest Cline

No, that was Contact. That movie was annoying as hell.

 

I can't say the alien situation in this book was all that much better.

 

There is a lot that's enjoyable about Kline's writing. Even with sucky first person and all. He may be headed into overkill with the pop culture references but they are still fun references. And Wil Wheaton's narration is just plain great. He's not the best with accents, unfortunately, but he brings a lot to the characters and sound effects, etc.

 

There is a lot of preamble before the story actually gets going. It takes place over two days and a lot happens so some of hat beginning could have been cut to get into the action quicker and give more time to areas that need it.

 

The biggest problem with this book is plausibility. Obviously it's SF/F so you have to suspend disbelief. That's not the problem because everything you question about the alien backstory our protagonist, Zach, questions as well. Still, lampshading something that doesn't make sense without resolution doesn't make it better. It's like when Supernatural admitted to jumping the shark with Papa Winchester's third son in the title of the episode. That doesn't make it okay!!

 

At the end when

we're told that this whole thing was a test, created by an AI created by a conglomerate of peaceful alien civilizations it's like a giant bullshitometer goes off. What peaceful civilizations would provoke a war with another as a test and kill over 30 million innocents as part of it? Peaceful my ass. Zach questions some of this and it ends with him wanting to keep an eye on them because he doesn't buy into everything they said.

(spoiler show)

Well, okay, good. But that still leaves the reader in a state of WTF!? at the end. I also had a problem with Zach being allowed to make a choice for everyone.

 

Also, of course, I really hated what went down with

Zach's father. Pretty much everything about that part of the story I called beforehand, but that doesn't mean I'm okay with what happened. You mean he couldn't have come up with a better plan than a Kamikaze end-run as a distraction? With all the genius help they had? They could have set up another distraction. Just seems like a really dick move to reveal you're alive to your family after 17 years and kill yourself in the same damn day. Even if it is to save the world.

 

Not to mention them being forced to fake their deaths and stay solitary for so long was pretty damn dumb, too.

 

And can someone please explain to me why the Admiral was allowed to speak at Xavier's memorial a year later? The Admiral is the entire reason he's dead!! There is no way in anyone's hell I'd let the man responsible for my father's death speak at his memorial! WTF?!

(spoiler show)

 

Sorry this review isn't as helpful to you if you don't want to read spoilers. It's just one of those times it's impossible to talk around what happens.

 

There are definitely fun aspects to the story but I didn't enjoy it as much as I did Ready Player One.

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text 2015-09-01 06:44
Chapter 11 — I call bullshit.
Armada - Ernest Cline

There is a lot of questionable aspects about this alien invasion story that I don't buy, but thankfully Zach, our protagonist, is questioning everything that doesn't make sense. Humans suck. Of course they could be making this up and it's really us doing the attacking. Too bad he's straight up being manipulated to enlist right now. 

 

But something that's niggling at me, granted it's very minor but bear with me, is the idea that Star Wars was an anti-alien propaganda film. To us Earthlings everyone in that movie was an alien. The primary conflict wasn't between alien species anyway, but between the Sith and Jedi — multi-alien species groups using different sides of The Force. 

 

So, it seems to me that as propaganda that film fails big-time. 

 

 

 

P.S. - Safari spellcheck recognizes Jedi but does not recognize Sith. Rude.

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review SPOILER ALERT! 2015-08-18 06:10
Necessary Women: The Very Epitome of Why Brain Bleach Should Be Real
Necessary Women and The Mean Time (Short Stories) - Karin Slaughter

That's a lot of angry tags for such a short book. (Just Necessary Women as a stand alone audiobook.) 

 

Damn train wrecky accident. I accidentally hit the "borrow" button when I was looking at this book instead of adding it to my list so I could look into it later. So, because it took up one of my borrow slots for the month I listened to it. It's 20 minutes, what's the worst that could happen? 

 

Welp.

 

Graphic enough incest, cannibalism, and an unsurprisingly fucked in the head little girl. 

[EXTRA SPOILER YOU SHOULD REALLY NOT READ] . . . who murders her mother for having sex with her father because he promised her they weren't anymore and she was his only but she saw her father performing cunnilingus on her mother so little girl cut off her mother's genitals and fed it to her father unbeknownst to him. Now, months after the mother's disappearance father has found another woman—which he tells little girl while she is giving him head—whom little girl wants brought to dinner on Sunday . . .
[told you not to read]

(spoiler show)

 

Enough said.

 

Seriously, fuck everything. I need to take another shower. 

 

 

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