In a week of momentous events such as Brexit and the fallout from that, this still might be the single greatest thing I've read on the internet all week. Even better than Donald Trump posing the wife of a religious leader next to his Playboy cover for a photo op. Just trust me :)
I'm not sure which bit is better. The puns, the random insertion of a link to the song "Cattle Call" or the absolutely hilariously serious TV news video at the start of the article.
(Courtesy daughter via the "/r/nottheonion" subreddit.)