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text 2021-06-04 04:26
Everything you Should know about a Relationship Coach

 

 

 

Relationship coaches help individuals as well as couples acquire and hone the skills for building and maintaining successful romantic relationships. The major focus is finding out current flaws within one’s character, as well as building conflict resolution skills that could lead to better intimacy and care. In the following guide, you can find out more about the work of a relationship coach, how they can help and the benefits of working with one. 

The purpose of working with a relationship coach

To many people, a good relationship is the foundation of their happiness. But it is not always to find that special someone and make a relationship work for you and them both. Building and maintaining a committed relationship is no easy thing, especially if you have had trouble in the past. You need proper relating skills, to identify what is holding you back and work on self-improvement, to have a better chance. That is what a relationship coach can help with. They can address all of these issues and help every individual have a thriving relationship in their life. 

How do they accomplish this? 

The main focus of a relationship coach is to help individuals and couples learn the tools that help a relationship thrive. A coach can help people navigate their differences and conflicts, aid their communication and conflict resolution skills, all to the goal of becoming more successful partners. Coaches can uncover what makes partners happy and unhappy and focus on how to make the positives stand out more. 

Difference between a relationship coach and a couple’s therapist 

Even though a marriage coach and a relationship coach have somewhat similar approaches, couple’s therapy is different from what you will experience with a relationship coach. During the former, you will mostly talk through issues, with little practical tools. On the other hand, relationship coaches can provide certain practices that will help a person overcome their most challenging dynamics in a relationship. 

What about the difference between a relationship coach and a dating coach? 

Work with a dating coach is more focused on honing the skills needed to successfully land a date and the early stages of meeting someone. In contrast, a relationship coach is more geared towards boosting interpersonal skills and confidence. They can help in improving communication and intimacy with an existing partner. The skills they teach, such as vulnerability, empathy and attentive listening are used to hone one’s character and become a better individual. 

How do you work with a relationship coach? 

A relationship coach will most commonly first explore your greatest challenges. That way they will determine what you should work on. When the expert knows more about you, your ways of communication and how you interact with your partner, they can then begin teaching you the skills to overcome the present issues. They will know when you are passing the blame and not taking responsibility for your own mistakes, and they will teach you how to become more kind towards your partner, to soften the existing conflicts. 

The benefits of working with a relationship coach

A relationship coach is the best source of information in the field of relationships whose knowledge and expertise you can tap into. If you have no idea what is wrong between you and your partner, but you know things aren’t as they used to be, a relationship coach can help you find out. The main benefit is that they will give you objective feedback and help you learn the skills to become a better person, not just for the sake of your relationship, but as a whole. 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

 

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text 2021-04-27 18:31
5 Signs you are Ready to Start Dating After a Breakup

 

Breakups are never easy. If you have found yourself in this sort of situation, you know it can be tough to process and think about all of the overwhelming emotions you are experiencing. One thing that is very tough to figure out is when to start dating again. Some say you should get back to it immediately, to keep your mind off the negative emotions associated with the breakup. Others say it takes time before you are ready again. 

The truth is there is no universal answer. The most important thing is how you feel about it and how well you are taking the breakup. If it has been a long relationship, you will need more time to heal your wounds and focus more on yourself. But there are some signs to look out for, which indicate you might be ready to date again. Here are a few of them: 

  • You know you have learned a lot about yourself – there is no timeline to healing from a breakup and moving on. The most important thing is to know you have worked through the situation and have put your feelings in check. That is when you will know you have grown from this experience and learned your lessons. This is what will help you move on into a new relationship. 

  • You are ready to be a better partner – if you cannot leave the past behind, you cannot be a good partner. And that is something you just know. There are things like forgiving yourself for not choosing a good enough match and forgiving the other person for the disappointment that will make you a better partner. Letting go of all the doubts, resentment and anger is what will make you better suited for someone else. 

  • You are happy with yourself being alone – often times people spread the stereotype that being in a relationship is good, and being alone is bad. But that is false. You can be perfectly happy with yourself, and having time to breathe, which is especially good after a tough breakup. When you are fine with doing new hobbies, seeing friends, working on your career and finding fulfilment outside of being with a partner, that is when you know you are ready to have a new relationship. At this point, it should feel like a bonus, not a must. 

  • You are beyond wanting your ex back – missing your ex after the breakup is normal. There is even going to be a period during which you will happily get back together. If you think that you two doing just that is a good idea, then you are not ready to start dating. When you get to a stage where old memories aren’t leading to ideas of connecting with them again, you will know you can start dating. 

  • You are ready to start building a new future – if you are ready to start making plans about the future, then that is another sign of you being ready to date again. This is the case when you have made plans with your old partner; plans that are obviously now not going to happen. At first, it may seem like the future is not clear, but once you no longer see things that way, you will be ready to date again. Struggling to accept the way things have changed is normal, but you will get over it, eventually. 

There is no doubt that when these signs are present, you will be able to better tell it is time to start dating again. 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach



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text 2021-01-25 05:58
How to Choose the Right Relationship Coach for Yourself?

 

If you have decided that you want to work with a relationship coach, then you need to consider finding the right person for the job. This may not prove to be as straightforward as you hope, considering that it has to be someone qualified that you click with well. 

How do you go about the task of finding the right relationship coach? Well, some tips can greatly help you. Let’s find out more about them: 

  • Start by deciding whether your ideal coach is a male or female – normally, people consider a coach that they are more likely to open up to. And that is a personal choice, but one you need to make from the outset. Do you feel more comfortable talking about dating life with a female coach, or perhaps a male one? If you have a problem relating to a particular gender, then it is safe to go with a coach of that same gender. But you can also consider the valuable perspective you get from someone of the opposite gender. You decide to make it. 

  • Find a person who specialises in the area you need – relationship coaching is a very broad term that covers most of what our relationship with others is all about. But there are many aspects to it, which you may be struggling with. For example, you may be having problems expressing yourself in a relationship, or the way you show up. You may be repeating some self-defeating patterns, which crush your self-esteem. The most important thing is to identify the area that you think is lacking for you and work on that with the relationship coach. Only through targeted efforts can you hope to overcome your problems. 

  • Online vs in-person sessions – 2020 has redefined what is possible in terms of coaching. More and more coaches have turned to online work with their clients since meeting in-person has become problematic. That should not be an issue, considering the advancement of technology. But if you prefer one method of work over the other, make sure you discuss matters with the coach and figure out the best way to conduct meetings for you. 

  • The person needs to have proper experience and training – the coach needs to have the tools and full understanding of them, to help you with your issue. They need to be able to properly teach them to you so that you don’t feel stuck and confused. Some coaches have the testimonials to show that they have the experience, others have a degree in psychology and/or sociology and know the science of human behaviour. 

  • The coach must be sensitive to your values – your views on relationships intersect with your core beliefs and values. If you have a healthy value system, which serves as a compass in your life, you want to work with a coach who is sensitive to those values. They need to integrate with them if they are to truly help you find your way to a happier relationship. 

  • Consider an approximate budget – think about your work with a relationship coach as an investment. Once you know how much you can afford, you will be more willing to view it this way, rather than just an expense. It is hard to put the right price tag on finding joy with someone you love. That is why it is important to work with a coach, who doesn’t cause you to stress over money. 

These are all important tips that you should consider when searching for a relationship coach. 


© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

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text 2020-10-22 05:21
5 Unhealthy Patterns in Relationships to Avoid

 

 

Sometimes you may feel like the person you are with is the love of your life and that the relationship you are in with them is perfect. However, taking that for granted is one of the best ways to ruin it all. 

And, for that connection to last, you have to learn what relationship styles can potentially ruin your relationship and work to avoid them. Here is a guide on a few of the most common patterns that fall in this category: 

  • Being overly dependent – a relationship that is left on its own cannot flourish. You need to put the other person as a priority in your life. And yet, the relationship should not be the only thing in your life or your whole life. For example, if you are only willing to make plans that involve your partner or guarantee that your partner is happy with them, you are giving away too much weight to the relationship. And that is just dependent behaviour. One more such example is not being able to let the other person do things on their own, and having no respect for their alone-time. 

  • Being overly independent – the other extreme in relationships is equally bad. Not being able to make any compromise for your relationship means you are restricting the freedom of your partner and generally causing the relationship to go bad. Remember that compromise is key for a happy relationship. And yes, there are certain things that you may not be able to compromise on, but for the most part, you can agree to not have it your way. The difference in food tastes means you should claim defeat now and then, making a decision that suits your partner more than yourself. And while you can still have a say on many decisions, you need to be ready to compromise. 
  • Inability to communicate the problems – people are different and there are things about the other person you will find bothersome. This becomes especially clear after the honeymoon phase of your relationship is over. Being able to communicate the things you find problematic is an essential skill. It means you won’t just let the small annoyances build up until they explode. Conveying the negatives you find in your relationship takes time to build, but you cannot go without it. Without communication, you will not be able to work on fixing the problems, allowing you to build a stronger relationship. 

  • Making no sacrifices – being in a long-term relationship will inevitably lead to a moment where you need to make a sacrifice. There is just no way to live a single life and be part of a committed relationship at the same time. By making reasonable agreements with each other, you can establish a good middle ground, which keeps both of you happy. There is no way for a relationship to thrive if you are unable to sacrifice some of your comforts for the sake of the other person. 

  • Encouraging (implicitly or explicitly) inequality – if you carry on with some of the old-fashioned inequality patterns in your relationship, you are setting yourself for failure. If both partners of a relationship have full-time jobs, they should be contributing equally to the household. Besides, they should be equal in various household tasks, like cleaning, cooking and looking after children. Only then can the foundations of the relationship remain strong and healthy. 

There is little doubt that all of these relationship patterns are bad and that you should do everything in your power to change them. Identifying them is always the first step to better change. 

 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

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text 2020-07-30 16:57
Is Attachment Insecurity Ruining your Relationships and Love Life?

 

 

You may not realise it yet, but your love life and relationships could use some knowledge from attachment theory. According to it, our feelings of security and stable attachment are largely affected by our early years of childhood. Namely, a child’s sense of security and intimacy with their primary caregiver shapes to no small extent how they behave in relationships as adults. 

 

Nowadays, attachment theory finds it great to use with many relationship coaches, who use it to pinpoint certain problems that people are experiencing in their love life. Since psychologists have refined the idea that childhood attachments are important in adult attachment styles in later life, it is only logical to utilise the concepts and empower people to have better romantic relationships. 

 

It all starts with understanding the basic terminology of what attachment styles there are: 

  • Secure – people with secure attachment don’t have a problem being close to someone and maintaining an intimate relationship 

 

  • Anxious-preoccupied – people with this style believe that other people do not want to be with them and are constantly afraid of losing their partner 

 

  • Dismissive-avoidant – people with this style do not like to depend on others for establishing an intimate relationship 

 

  • Fearful-avoidant – people with this style really want to be close to others, but they fear rejection and being hurt 

 

It is clear that all of these, save for the secure type, are characteristics of attachment insecurity. It is important to note that these are not extremes, but rather spectrums, and every single person rates on all of them. It is when these characteristics are strong enough to define their behaviour and belief about relationships that they become a problem. 

 

Is it possible to get over the attachment style you have?

According to experts, it is not only possible but preferable to work on establishing your attachment style and doing what it takes to switch it to the secure type. It is also important to understand the core of the problem and where it stems from. It could be depression or early childhood trauma. It is the job of a therapist and a coach to help a person through it. The good thing about attachment is that even though a person could have a style, it is completely possible to revisit it and change it to secure. Some ways to do just that include: 

 

  • Learning your attachment style – knowing your attachment style can give you so much insight as to why your relationships keep failing, despite your best effort, or why you end up attracting the wrong people. That is the first step to overcoming your attachment problems. 

 

  • Find a therapist/coach with expertise on attachment styles – change can be difficult for anyone, especially when they are only now learning about the real problem. That is why if you find yourself in this situation, you should look for an expert to help you through. 
  • Seek partners with similar attachment styles – getting undermined by a person who is not supportive is the last thing you want to do. It is a good idea to look for those secure individuals, who can, in time, help you overcome your own insecurities. 

 

  • Talk about it – hiding the issue is not going to help you in the long run, especially now that you can give it a name and a face. It is important to discuss such matters with your therapist and your partner as well. Getting the support you need can make a world of difference. 

 

Overall, changing your attachment style is a great way to improve the quality of your relationships and love life. You should not hesitate to invest in research and working with the right dating coach. 

 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach  

 

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