Dear Adoptive Parents,

I used to be a great mom. My family was happy; my home was peaceful. Child protective services called me when they needed help, not to investigate me. Molestation, mental illness and kidnapping were just headlines in the news. Being a mother used to bring me great joy.

That was before.

What you’re about to read is a true story; it's my prayer journal (year one, of two years). I suspect it'll help prepare you, or guide you if you're going through something similar, so I'm sharing. Most of it comes from a notebook I kept specifically about our adoption woes with Jasmine. I changed names and other identifying information because I really don’t wish to hurt Jasmine, or anyone else, by sharing secrets about them. Mother always said, "If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all."

But if I remain silent, my experience cannot help anyone.

I don’t promise to have the answers you need or want, nor am I sharing my troubles hoping to win you to my side. If you read my journal and think I've done everything wrong, and that I'm completely to blame for the difficulties, that's okay. Perhaps you'll learn from my mistakes. I pray you'll gain insight and direction, regardless.

Debra