Many people who have dated or chosen to marry a narcissistic person come to me for help. They need to know how to relate to their narcissist. They must learn how to stay out of the line of fire of the narcissist. They are stuck in a cycle of abuse and manipulation with seemingly no end in sight. They are distraught at the possibility of continuing the relationship, but they are also at a loss as to how to continue on without their partner.
A relationship with a narcissistic and self-absorbed person doesn’t have to end. Despite the person being extremely immature and deficient in social, cognitive, and communication skills, they often still deserve to be loved and to belong. After all, acceptance and belonging are two of the most basic needs of human beings. Most humans deserve to feel some sense of acceptance and belonging, even if they have made mistakes or are immature in how they relate to others.
Narcissists make many mistakes, and they often don’t know how to relate to other people. The more mistakes a narcissist makes in regards to relating to others, the more bleak and dismal their outlook on life becomes. It is no wonder they begin to have conduct disorder, adjustment disorder, or mental health issues. Even if they wanted to relate in positive ways to others, experiences have shown that they cannot do so without a great deal of pain and frustration. And thus they might give up relating positively with anyone at all.
But how do we begin to have a healthy relationship with a narcissist? Don’t narcissists generally destroy any ability to have a safe and healthy relationship by their very narcissistic nature? Doesn’t their self-absorbed behavior conflict with the very act of giving and intimacy that is necessary in an intimate relationship? Most of the time, a relationship with a narcissist cannot reach levels of personal security and freedom that are experienced in healthy relationships. But there are ways to have a good relationship with a narcissistic person, and sometimes to even make them grow in the ways that healthy people grow.

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