Until a father can wipe his baby son's piddle off his chin, he can't call himself a man. At least, that's what I tell myself -- and anyone else who cares to buy this book of 51 funny stories that all parents will be able to relate to. Along the way I confess to being the trolley getaway driver at the teddy bears' picnic, reveal the true story of Jack and the Jellybean Stalk, and take a light-hearted look at some serious issues, including childbirth, nappies, circumcision, pets, religion, Santa Claus and learning on occasions to cope without mummy.

CONTENTS OF THE BOOK:

. The rubbish bin rite of passage
. Jack’s world started the day the pizza died for me
. Here I come, ready or not
. Soothing the savage breast
. Keeping a lid on the early years
. Send in the clown
. Recipe for disaster
. Boogie days and nights with a boy and a cat
. My chills are alive again with The Sound of Music
. I hope God has a funny-bone
. Caution: men not at work
. Our jet-setting toddler finally hits the jackpot
. Daddy, there’s something coming out of my penis
. You can't hide those lion eyes for ever
. Gone with the wind to the show
. Up in nanny's room hanging on a nail
. Jailhouse clock
. Wake Up Daddy (in C shrill, er, sharp)
. When a nappy chappy becomes a man
. Pizza stops and unfulfilled poles
. It’s my party, and I’ll spy if I want to
. The root of all evil: communication breakdown
. Faster, stronger, higher, louder
. Ascending into heaven on a ski lift
. Never look a gift hanky in the mouth
. Ashes to ashes, dung to dung
. A big hand for the little hands
. Terror at 5000 feet
. A letter to Santa Claus
. Seventy-four candles
. Digging deep for God's sake
. Missing at sea
. Like father, like son
. Brow-beaten at the hairdressers
. The tooth fairy revisited
. Scales of injustice on my holiday
. And everyone lived happily ever after
. A 10-star breakfast comes unstuck
. The young and the sleepless
. Flying too close to my son
. Quiet please, people here are trying to party
. Traffic lights, babies and taps
. A rival for my wife's affections
. Jack and the jellybean stalk
. My hopscotch is on the rocks
. A lot of hot air about nothing
. We all have our crosses to bear
. Who let the ghost out?
. Letter on the fridge to my homecoming wife
. Officer, I want to report a birthday party
. Keeping the whiskers at bay