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review 2016-04-22 03:09
Heart of Darkness
Heart of Darkness and the Congo Diary - Joseph Conrad

Let’s get right down to it folks: I hate this book. I hate it with a burning passion, and I’m experiencing severe dislike for my English teacher for making me read this pile of shit. She’s a lovely lady, but I don’t understand why she hates me because there’s no other reason as to why she would make me suffer through this book.

 

I know that this is considered to be some great literary masterpiece, and in the words of my teacher, an existentialist novel but watching paint dry is more interesting than this novella.

 

I’ve read a lot of books that were written in the 1900s or set in the 1900s and dealt with racism but none of those books have made me nearly as uncomfortable as Heart of Darkness did. I know, I know, racism is a thing but that doesn’t make me any less uncomfortable by the amount of times the n word was used throughout this novel, or the many times where black people are referred to as “savages,” “enemies.”

 

Moving beyond that, after reading this entire book, word for word, page for page, I cannot tell you not onething about it beyond what my teacher talked about in class. After reading one entire page, I couldn’t tell you what happened on that page. There is a problem here when I can’t tell you what a book is about after reading it. I have no recollection of any of the events that happened in this book.

 

The story didn’t really go anywhere, there wasn’t a point to it, it was just Marlow talking about an adventure that he had which nobody asked to listen to in the first place. By the end of the story, I don’t think anybody on the ship with Marlow, besides the other narrator, even listened to what he said. I know I’m supposed to care about the events that occur and all the symbolism and stuff, but I couldn’t bring myself to care at all.

This is supposed to be deep and meaningful because it talks about human nature and the darkness in our hearts and yada yada yada but I don’t care.

 

I locked myself up in my room for days on end so that I could focus on this novella and absorb it and understand it, and I cannot tell you what happens in this story. I can’t believe trees actually died so this piece of shit work could be printed on it.

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review 2015-12-18 21:49
Sisters of Versaille
The Sisters of Versailles: A Novel (The Mistresses of Versailles Trilogy) - Sally Christie

I stopped reading this mostly because I had to return it to the library since I couldn't renew it but anyway.

I should have technically been able to read this book in a matter of two to three days, it wasn't very long, but it was so boring that I kept finding reasons to NOT read it. I love me some historical fiction, really, I do, but something needs to happen in order to keep my attention throughout the entire book.

Nothing happened in this book. Nothing. At all. Louise had sex with Louis a bunch of times, the two of them fell in love, and then Louis got the hots for her sister and she was heartbroken over it, and it went on. That was pretty much the whole story.

I hated the plot of this story, to be honest I'm not even sure there was any plot to begin with because I sure as hell couldn't see it. The story started off with Louise and we read about how she gets to Versailles and eventually becomes the kings mistress. And I was okay up until the point when she does becomes the kings mistress, and then it just goes down hill from there.

I have to read page after page of Louise fawning over Louis, and how great he was and how sweet, smart, and gentle. Pages of her describing what other people were wearing, and going into detail about the dresses of the ladies, it went on and on. I didn't care. It felt like my brain was leaking out through my ears. I was so happy whenever the story was being told from the point of view of any of the other sisters.

I want to talk about everything that I hated about this story but I can't because nothing happened, there is almost nothing for me to talk about. The pace of it was so slow it could've put me to sleep, which is probably why I read this before going to bed every night.

The characters were almost as uninteresting as the storyline. This book is narrated by five sisters, and you'd think that with five sisters, they'd all have different personalities, but no, they don't. They're all exactly the same, each and every one of them. They have the same voice, the same thoughts, and they're all fake as hell. They're supposed to be sisters but instead they shit talk one another behind each other's back like okay, real strong bond you've got there.

Like I get it, you vent to someone whenever a friend or family member or co-worker does something that upsets you but that wasn't even it, Louise's sisters were just straight up shit talking her.

All of the sisters are so painfully polite and nice to each other whenever they're together, and you know that they're huge fakes because of how they feel when you read the story from their point of view. The only one who actually stood out, was Pauline. Pauline wasn't fake, she was straight forward about what she wanted, and she'd get it. Pauline wanted to be the mistress of the king, Pauline wanted to be the most powerful woman in France, and no one was going to stop her.

Pauline didn't even have to try and replace Louise as the kings favourite because Louise is such a pushover, and so dull that all she did was get out of the way and let Pauline do whatever she wanted. Pauline wasn't kidding when she said Louise was stupid, I thought she was just being a bitch but the girl was right, Louise is stupid.

But I can't even defend Pauline because she dethroned herself in the end so I mean. Marie-Anne was trying to be Pauline except she wasn't very good at it, but this girl probably had the most interesting sex life out of all of them so you know what, power to her. At least Marie-Anne figured out how sex worked and got her husband to do it right.

Honestly, if it didn't have the name of which sister was narrating at the top of every chapter, I probably wouldn't have been able to figure out who was telling the story.

The minor characters were equally uninteresting, and they all had the same personality traits. If you can't have your main characters stand out, then you could at least have one minor character that really stood out, but no. All of the women had the same nasty characteristics, and all the men were trying to kiss the kings ass.

And lastly, the one thing that I felt was extremely unnecessary to this story was the letters that the sisters wrote to each other because they were so dull, and so repetitive, I felt like I was at the beginning of the novel each time I came across one. I ended up skipping all of them altogether because I just didn't care.

For a debut novel, it wasn't bad. It was extremely dull, and the characters were all dull and copies of one another, but the writing itself wasn't bad. That being said though, I would not suggest writing from five different point of views in your debut novel, because even if you think you can make your characters stand out from one another, you probably can't.

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review 2015-01-02 22:51
Sweet Valley Confidential: Ten Years Later
Sweet Valley Confidential: Ten Years Later - Francine Pascal

I hated this book so much. It's been sitting on my shelf for up to two years now because a friend gave it to me as a gift (I forget what I had done for her)  because she knew that I liked books so I felt that because it was a gift I would give it a shot.

 

But I hated this book. In fact, I just went and threw it in my recycling bin. Sorry friend. I will not have this monstrosity sitting on my bookshelf.

 

One of the many things that I disliked about this was the fact that it kept switching from the past to the present as well as the narrative. I honestly, didn't care about the flashbacks, I could've done without them. They just meant I was wasting even more of my time reading the book. By the end of this, I just completely gave up on reading the flashbacks and skipped them, some of them weren't even anything new, it was just the same thing told from someone else's point of view.

 

The writing seemed incredibly choppy at times which made it awkward to read and when it came to the smut, this book is an example of doing smut without having to actually write it. It was embarrassing to read, I felt like I was being judged for having this book in my hand.

 

The plot, I don't even know what the plot of the story was to be perfectly honest with you. It just felt like the same thing dragging on for dozens of pages. It kept switching from Jessica's point of view to Elizabeth's and each time it was the same crap over and over. Elizabeth angsting over her sister's betrayal, her sister feeling like crap for betraying her sister's trust and on and on it went.

 

http://media0.giphy.com/media/Rhhr8D5mKSX7O/giphy.gif 

 

It moved at such a slow pace, at times I began to wonder if time was even passing in the story because so very little was happening. Every single thing reminded Elizabeth of what her sister had done and Jessica did nothing but sob to Todd about how big a piece of trash she was.

 

It got tiring at some point. You know what, you made your bed now you have to lay in it. If you didn't want to lose your sister then you shouldn't have cheated on her with her own boyfriend. Both her and Todd are scum, if you wanted to be with each other, the simple thing to do would've been to break up with Elizabeth first and then go out with each other. 

 

This is why I hate stories like this so much! None of this bullshit would've happened if everyone would've just opened their mouths and talked to each other instead of going behind everyone's back.

 

"I couldn't help myself."

 

http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/2014-08/8/13/enhanced/webdr09/anigif_enhanced-buzz-25859-1407519091-14.gif

 

You are a grown ass human being, not a goddamn five-year-old who sees a cookie and wants to eat it no matter what the cost. I couldn't help myself is not a proper excuse because you could've helped yourself but you chose not to because you decided that Elizabeth's feelings were completely irrelevant as long as you got what made you happy.

 

And Jessica has no right to be sobbing, she willingly did this to her own sister, she can sob and go "I love you," all she wants but the fact that she willingly did this to her own sister speaks volumes about just how far her affections for her own sibling went. She deserved everything that she got.

 

Todd was a jealous insecure piece of crap like you know what, don't even be in a relationship if you don't trust your spouse to keep it in their pants. Don't turn into the Hulk with your jealousy, take that somewhere else.

 

I just hated this book so much please love yourself and never read it. Buy this book as a present for someone that you hate if anything.

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review 2014-07-13 20:14
The Bar Code Prophecy
The Bar Code Prophecy - Suzanne Weyn

I finally finished this series and now I can stop caring about it!

 

I felt like the writing in this one was a lot slower than the other two books, which was great because the other ones just felt like brief scenes thrown together with no transition between them. That being said, there was some stuff that was brought up with almost explanation to it, like the Hopi people and stuff.

 

There was some prophecy about the Bar Code tattoo and somehow it was linked to this place that was sacred to the Hopi people but it was never explained why these Hopi people were even relevant to the prophecy or why there was a prophecy in the first place. This entire book could've been told the exact same way without the mention of a prophecy.

 

My relationship with this book is complicated because I absolutely love and adore the idea of bar codes and everything that's happened so far but the problem is that the books are so short that the idea never really gets fully fleshed out and I feel like the author didn't go into enough depth about it. This is the type of series that I honestly would not have minded if each book was 500 and more pages long in small print because it's such an interesting idea and the author could've gone in so many directions with it.

 

The romance would've been so much better because it would've built up and the characters would've actually gotten time to get to know each other. But because the books are so short and cramped, every time someone says I love you I want rip my brain out with my bare hands and scream to the world.

 

This trilogy had so much potential to be great and brilliant but it really fell short of that of for me and I just wish that the author had spent more time fleshing out the story and the details and how everything was connected instead of giving the readers something that didn't feel like it had only a little bit of thought put into it.

 

I wanted to know more about Global-1 and what they were doing. These people sounded like they had the best of the best on board with them so why would they refuse to stop doing what they were doing if they knew that it wouldn't end well for anyone? If they want to control the world, how are they going to do that if the things that they're doing is destroying everyone living on earth?

 

I had such high expectations and I was really let down.(less)

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review 2014-04-20 21:23
Hunted
Hunted - P.C. Cast,Kristin Cast

Yet another book of absolutely nothing happening. I have no idea how the Casts are keeping this series going by repeating the exact same things over and over again. How do people not get bored of this series? Absolutely nothing interesting happens at all.

Moving on.

Plot:
I'm not entirely sure what the plot of this novel was, I felt like there really wasn't one but I guess if there HAD to be one, I'd say it was the fact that Zoey and her friends are trying to escape from the House of Night? That's what everyone seems to be trying to figure out for the most part during this book. They sure as hell talked about the same things over and over, that's for sure.

Oh, and there was of course Zoey making out with guys that weren't her boyfriend, wondering if she was actually the clay doll that had been created for Kalona and Heath being creepy.

Romance:
The romance in these novels should be made into some kind of documentary showing girls what not to do or look for in relationships. I don't think I've ever been as creeped out or angered by the relationships going on between people in novels as I have while reading this book.

Zoey goes ahead and cheats on Erik the first chance that she gets with Stark. I knew this was coming, I kept telling myself that Zoey would cheat again whilst she was defending her actions to Erik. What else is new? I don't understand why guys keep dating Zoey when she gives them nothing but shit in return.

Logic:
Zoey begins to think that maybe she really is Ay-a, the girl created from dirt and animated to trap Kalona in the earth. Forget that Zoey popped out of her mothers birth canal and is not made of dirt or being animated by magic, this is an actual concern.

Writing:
Excessive amounts of description that no one cares about, constantly being reminded that Damien is in fact gay because we might've forgotten from the last page that we read that information on, and really cheesy, cringe-worthy writing. I wrote better fanfiction two years ago. It was just really really bad.

The Casts continue to make references to things that not everyone knows about but they just expect people to understand anyway. They define words like "entranced" but not words like that word that they used that had something to do with stitches. 

I did some research on all of the Mythology that the Casts are using and it turns out they're actually bullshitting a lot of the stuff that they're writing. While Kalona is real in Cherokee legend, none of the official sites that I checked said anything about Ay-a. I don't even know how Nyx and Erebus, FROM GREEK MYTHOLOGY, tie in with Kalona to be perfectly honest.

Characters:
Heath: Heath needs to die, and soon. He serves absolutely no purpose in this story except to make Zoey seem more desirable. He's failing at his job, all he's managed to do is creep me out and put Edward Cullen to shame on the stalker scale. I'm not even joking when I say that I am actually a little bit scared every time that Heath shows up.

He either needs to die or get shipped to a psychiatric hospital or something because he's just not right.

Zoey: I hate Zoey so much that I cannot even name one thing that I hate more than I hate her. She goes on and on about Damien being gay and how it's not a big deal but no one is making it a big deal. Zoey is the only one who finds Damien's sexuality of serious interest, she's the only one who seems to be really shocked by it so I think that she needs to check herself.

She's apparently become everyone's priestess and everyone looks to Zoey for guidance now. I don't know, she'll probably end up getting everyone killed and then blaming Neferet for it. 

She's apparently gotten even dumber than last time because she seems to think that Neferet is manipulating Kalona into doing her bidding when Neferet can't even get a word in edgewise without Kalona shutting her down and telling her that he's boss. Neferet has absolutely no control over what's happening.

She also comes to the conclusion that yo, just because someone is attractive it doesn't make them a good person and realises that because Kalona is evil, she's not attracted to him even though he's hella fine. Welcome to the real world.

I could write you an entire essay on why Zoey is a horrible character but let's leave it at obnoxious, conceited, flat, boring, annoying, and stupid. We don't want to be here all day.

Erik is stupid. He takes Zoey back even though she cheated on him like a day before she left the House of Night. So yeah, Erik is stupid.

Aphrodite: The only sane character in this series who doesn't shame anyone for doing anything, doesn't give a shit what anyone else thinks and gets shit done. You go Aphrodite, I'm rooting for you.

Kalona: He walks around without shoes or a shirt on for some reason and does nothing except make Zoey want to get in his pants. That's about all that he does . . .

Everyone else: I don't even remember the majority of new people mentioned in this book, they all just sounded and acted the exact same to me, it was hard to differentiate.

And the most important bit of all, Zoey and Heath imprint again. Heath is going to be around some more. Yay.
(If you want to see what my actual reaction to this was as I was reading, click here)

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