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text 2018-08-06 11:57
I'm Not Okay
Not book related <.< sorry.
TW: Mental Health & Suicide
Disclaimer: **I am not diagnosed (as an adult) for my mental health disorder(s), but I don’t need a doctor to write on paper to tell me I have depression & social anxiety/general anxiety. I don't deny that it would be helpful to know my exact disorders so I could get treatment/therapy, however, we have no insurance yet.(soon! crossing fingers) As a child I was put on antidepressants, so I was diagnosed with something at one point. These are my thoughts and opinions on mental health, and my own personal experiences. Everyone’s mental health journeys are different. End the stigma! Talk about mental health disorders and invisible illnesses!**
The nitty gritty about having a mental health disorder is that it can be so up in the air. I never know if a day will be good or bad. I guess you get so used to the feeling of sadness, random outburst of crying and dark thoughts, that it feels normal, and you don’t notice it get gradually worse. When you are buried so deep, you don’t care about taking care of yourself, so you are in a vicious cycle that is hard to break out of. You stop taking care of your hygiene, stop caring about eating enough or sleeping enough. Or maybe you eat too much (binge) and sleep too much, or maybe you don't sleep enough! Executive dysfunction doesn’t help, of course.
I think my normal state of feeling is sort of a numbness or a nothingness. It is really scary, to be honest. My emotions, even love for people or passion for my interests can be turned off on a dime and I have no feelings. I can be in the worst meltdown and then stop on that dime and freeze up and think or say “never mind. I’m fine.” I believe that is one of the reasons as a kid when I would cry or “throw a fit” and just stop out of nowhere, my mom joked about me being good at crocodile tears and that I should be an actress.
I am not sure I fully know what true happiness feels like because it is always clouded with dark, depressing thoughts. I don’t think people understand how you can be depressed or have a mental health disorder, but also have days of “wellness” If you smile, laugh or act goofy, they think “oh, yay, you’re cured now.” Even worse, they believe nothing was ever wrong with you. Some people actually believe depression and anxiety is not a real thing. People with mental health disorders or neurological disorders have become very good at masking/faking in order to fit in. Thank about that.
Anyone can have an invisible illness. The number of people in the entertainment industry who have died from suicide is an indicator of this. They are rich, famous, usually well-loved, yet they are ill, sad, probably feel alone in a crowd of people. They get so much attention because they are famous and a lot of it is negative from people who can’t comprehend how someone rich and famous who has “everything” can end their life.
You can have everything and feel like you have nothing. It doesn’t matter who you are, mental health disorders and invisible illnesses do not discriminate. When someone who suffers from a mental health disorder dies by suicide, they did not commit anything, no crime. They lost a battle with their long-suffering illness. We shouldn’t judge anybody. We should be there for each other, even strangers.
If someone looks sad, ask if they are okay, or if they want to talk. Smile more, at friends and family, even at strangers. A smile or heartfelt compliment could change a person’s day for the better. These are things I know, but I don’t always practice them, because I am stuck in my own downward spiral. It is hard to dig out of that hole when nobody is around and your emotions come on strong and then sometimes shut off altogether.
I do nothing, at least that is how it would appear to people who don’t understand me. I don’t have a job. #1 Social anxiety & depression #2 Chronic pain makes it limited to what work I could actually do.
I sleep, eat, get on the computer and live vicariously through so many people on YouTube. It is like a coping mechanism, it makes me feel better, or sometimes emotionless, which is better than crippling despair, I guess? I go through phases of what type of videos I like. Sometimes about books, sometimes more “real talk” sort of videos where people just share their everyday lives. Lately, I’ve been into watching true crime and ghost hunting videos.
Sometimes I read books. Sometimes I play games on my phone. Sometimes I mess with my doll collection. Yes, so, to the outside world, I do nothing. But something very big that I am doing is LIVING. I might not have a paying job, but it is a JOB just to keep myself alive. I would be lying if I said I didn't have suicidal thoughts.
I’m sorry if you don’t understand or if that makes you sad. It’s just the truth. Thinking of death, wanting to die and believing the world would be better off without me are just some of the dark things in my brain. My mental health and chronic pain are huge factors to these feelings. I am more inclined to think about dark and morbid things. My mind tells me nobody cares about me, it nags at me that I am a burden to people. I do know this isn’t true, but sometimes I can’t understand why people would care about me, let alone love me.
I don’t hardly reach out to friends and family because of being depressed and social anxiety, but how many times do they reach out to me? (And I mean heartfelt reaching out, not tagging me in a spam post or liking a post, or something.) Everyone is dealing with their own stuff, I get it. Also, understand when you do reach out to someone with depression, they might not respond at first or they might not know how to respond. If you care about them or love them, don’t stop letting them know.
Just... I’m lonely. I miss the time when it was so simple to make friends and maintain them. I’m not okay, but I am trying to cope.
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review 2016-11-04 01:39
Wimberly Worried
Wemberly Worried - Kevin Henkes

Grade: 1st


After reading this story, the class with make a venn diagram discussing things that Wimberly worries about, things that the class worries about, and the things that Wimberly and the class both worry about. We will talk about coping skills to deal with worrying and that everyone worries. We will learn that it is natural for people to worry. Furthermore, students will see that their classmates are concerned about some of the same things they are. Most importantly, they will learn coping skills to deal with their worry. Afterwards, they will make their own Wimberly. They will fill out a piece of paper that states, "Wimberly worried about __________," and choose one thing to write. Underneath, they'll write, "I worry about ____________." Lastly, they will write, "Next time I worry about ___________ I will ________________," and write a coping skill they learned.

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text 2016-01-23 20:15
Depression : Coping With Depression, Beating Depression and Be Happy Again (Survival Guide and Free Drug Book) - Mike C. Adams

I don't know if this is any good, but it's free right now on Amazon.

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review 2014-07-22 04:09
Book 61/100: Soul Comfort for Cat Lovers - Coping Wisdom for the Heart and Soul after the Loss of a Beloved Feline
Soul Comfort for Cat Lovers: Coping Wisdom for Heart and Soul After the Loss of a Beloved Feline - Liz Eastwood

This book, although only 125 pages, took me six weeks to read. Not because it wasn’t good, but because it WAS. I so craved affirmation and validation after my cat Phoebe died that I wanted to savor the experience of, as far as I can tell, one of the only books on the market written specifically for grieving a beloved cat.


“Soul Comfort” is self-published, but it is self-publishing at its highest calling, fulfilling a need that mainstream publishers seem to mostly ignore with a high-quality offering. The book is accessible and well-written, with a clean, consistent layout and is virtually error-free. Growing out of the author’s own grief after a beloved cat died, she shares her experiences as well as information from grief counselors and animal experts. The first part of the book validates the experiences of grieving after pet loss, and then moves into ways that you might honor your deceased pet and integrate your grief more fully. I especially liked her idea of choosing “continued connection” over “closure,” because it helped me reframe the way I’ve been addressing my own grieving process. In the beginning, it felt sort of frantic — like as soon as I got all Phoebe’s photos and videos together, as soon as I got her urn, as soon as I wrote her a goodbye letter, then I would have “closure” and be ready to “move on.” I did all those things and simultaneously started writing in My Pet Remembrance Journal, so then that journal became a proxy for my journey, and I started to feel anxious about finishing it so I could have “closure.”


But that chapter made me realize there really is no “rush” in my attempt to remember and honor Phoebe, and I’ve taken a more relaxed approach to putting together her mementos so that I can treasure that time rather than have it feel like “one more thing I have to do” instead of moving on.


The final third of the book explores the spiritual side of grief and the possibility of a loved one’s “essence” continuing to connect with you after they are gone. For me, this was the part that lagged the most, partly because it didn’t have a lot of “cat-specific” reference points but also because it felt as though the author tried just a little too hard to reassure the reader that life does continue after death. Even though she didn’t push any one religious agenda, and even though I do believe that mortal life is not all there is, something about it still rubbed me a bit the wrong way.


Still, I’m so glad that a book like this exists, and that Liz gave her project the time, effort, and professionalism it deserves. I will be holding onto my copy for a possible reread when I have to take this journey again (hopefully not for many years) or to lend to friends when the sad time comes for them to say goodbye to a cat companion.


Works referenced in the book that are now on my reading list:

  • My Cat Saved My Life by Philip Schreibman
  • Cat Body, Cat Mind by Dr. Michael Fox
  • Dogs That Know When Their Owner is Coming Home by Rupert Sheldrake


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review 2014-06-27 00:00
An Introduction To Coping With Depression
An Introduction To Coping With Depression - Lee Brosan A very clear and constructive introduction to coping with depression. Some very useful information and helpful activities aiding the changing of negative thoughts to more positive thoughts. For long term sufferers I would recommend a more in-depth help book, however I would say read this as additional help as it's very informative.
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