Can Asperger explain your relationship difficulties?
If you are trying to understand why you have difficulties with a persistent relationship and wonder if Asperger plays a role, this blog post should help.
As we all know, relationships can be difficult and sometimes complex, but when a partner is faced with Asperger difficulties usually arise. That's because ASD is basically a difference of socio-emotional communication.
Being able to express your feelings and be emotionally supportive of each other is the lifeblood of a healthy relationship. This can be difficult, if you are in a varied nervous marriage, and over time you can run out of energy trying to deal with these challenges.
To make things more difficult, the tools and strategies that "variety of gardens" find useful often do not work for you in a varied nervous relationship.
I will start with how I feel to be a nervous partner with Aspie, and then also talk about what it feels like to be my partner in a relationship with a nervous person. Next I will describe how the relationship usually progresses and the challenges that can occur along the way, then how you can help your relationship.
Just a note, in the past Asperger was considered associated with autism but different from it, but since 2013, when a new classification called Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) was created in DSMV, it is now considered sitting in the moderate end of the autism spectrum.
Does my partner have Asperger? Here are 55 relationship clues.
Below is a 55-point questionnaire we have created that will help as a starting point. It is important to understand that Asperger has a very diverse range of symptoms and there will be no two people alike. But the more these points you feel are appropriate for your relationship, the more likely that ASD will explain your set of difficulties.
If you find that 40 or more of the clues below apply, your partner may have Asperger's.
For ease of expression, I'll use the term "he", but this may equally refer to "she".
- Your relationship began an emotional start, but your emotion diminished very quickly when you started living together
- Your partner can often engage in long wind talks that are often unilateral
- They may find it difficult to put themselves in someone else's shoes and empathize with them
- It often needs many periods of isolation and quiet time
- He does not tend to understand the nature of giving and conversation
- It can often seem to be self-absorbing
- You often feel emotional deprivation from this relationship
- He often interprets words quite literally
- He has a hard time talking about his emotions and therefore tends to avoid it
- He or she may have trouble linking what you feel to what he did or didn't do
- You are often frustrated by your inability to communicate at a deep and steady level
- Even if you are physically together, you can feel that there is an emotional distance, which can make you feel lonely.
- He can sometimes suffer from overload
- Tends to be ashamed of offers of public affection
- You can often feel taken for granted by him
- He tends to show the feelings of love through his actions
- You can feel that your best efforts in the relationship get very little in return
- He doesn't choose to socialize with his friends much
- Can be tempted to be lazy in a relationship
- He may find it hard to leave sex completely
- They may have difficulty communicating with you when you talk about an emotional problem
- He gets defensive easily and courteously talks that can be seen as attack or criticism
- It may not tell you the whole truth
- Usually tends to put himself and his needs first
- Sometimes you can find yourself in situations that are shocked at how insensitive it is
- It can be altruistic and heroic, but sometimes when you expect him to come for you, he may not be able to deal with it
- Not inclined to like pressure or expectations
- In times of difficult relationship, he tends to see you as nervous
- Sometimes it may be difficult to hold onto a job or see things
- Feel more comfortable with structure and routine
- He finds it difficult to respond to the alarm clock
- Can be excessive in lazy activities
- His loneliness or cocoon is necessary for him
- Depression is a common condition for him at different times of his life
- It can be very passive
- Does not tend to be good at organizing holidays or excursions
- It is often uninterested in your world, your inner life, or your activities
- Tends to be pulled socially
- He can sometimes interrupt you and change the subject when you are in the middle of a sentence
- It can keep you separated from family and / or friends
- Even if he loves you and appreciates your relationship, you may never get a commitment. He may worry that he is unable to be a good husband.
- He may get married because you want him and then he is often half-hearted
- It will be more comfortable with old friends and family than new friends
- He can admit that it's good to have companionship, but it creates pressure on him
- Can tend to live in his rational mind more
- His conversations can often be a brief surface level
- You may find it difficult to overcome his anxiety and routines and the inability to be silly and trivial
- Chances are that he didn't make any promises, unless you're married
- You’ve made more adjustments to it over time than it did
- You feel more of his caregiver than his equal
- You might feel you were not number 1 for him. His special attention is often
- You may feel that you have to do more than just an equal share of household chores
- Your relationship may be more practical than anything else
- You may deny having a problem because it finds it difficult to empathize with how you feel
- You may feel isolated because no one understands what is going on behind closed doors, and it seems normal for others outside the relationship
Those who have Asperger are at a disadvantage in the relationship, but that does not mean with guidance that it is not possible to create a happy union. Each partner has different and very unique needs and these need to be taken into account.
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