***Warning*** If you are one of those obsessive and crazy fans of Twilight--you've legally changed your last name to Cullen, relocated to some rainy podunk town in Washington and apply glitter glue to your skin before going out in the sun--you may just burn your Kindle after reading. Smella Rosepetal must find a millionaire husband to finance her baby’s heart transplant. She flies home to her deputy father’s ranch in Pitchforks, Texas, where she falls in love with Deadward Forest, a wealthy environmentalist vampire. When a deranged murderer is on the loose in Pitchforks, killing romance heroines, Deadward assumes Smella would be safer without him. Smella turns to her childhood friend, Snake Long, for comfort. But Snake doesn’t have the money to save her baby, so Smella places herself in peril in a desperate hunt for a rich husband. Time is running out for Smella’s baby, and she must escape from the Australian Outback and face down Flabio, an overweight and disgruntled, aspiring cover model, plus enraged vampire wives and their homosexual, vampire, cowboy husbands, a jealous were-gerbil, James Bond, a drunk rodeo clown and Smella’s strange boyfriend who wants to drain her blood, yet is repulsed by her smell. ROMANCE NOVEL—the unabridged, unauthorized comedic look at the bestselling vampire series that will leave you wondering who the hell ever believed vampires could “sparkle.” And you’ll laugh…all the way to the bathroom!*****Praise for ROMANCE NOVEL******“I found this story to be hysterical from cover to cover.” Diana from Night Owl Romance, Night Owl Reviews Top Pick“This parody will have you laughing out loud.” Melissa from Were Vamps Romance“Oh PJ Jones, you had me at ‘skanky crotch’.” Penni from Favorite Thing Ever“By the time I finished reading my sides were aching with laughter.” Orchid from Long and Short of it Reviews“If you are a fan of good satire, this is definitely a book for you.” Wendy from You Gotta Read Reviews