I just found a library due-date receipt nestled in this book's pages. It's 5 years old. I hope this poor book hasn't been sitting untouched for FIVE YEARS.

One of those Pynchonian melt-downs that occurs from time to time. A computer program is used to create papers for conferences, which are then accepted and published. Usually this hoaxing is done by academics or reporters to test the weaknesses in academic quality control - The Sokal Hoax perpetrated on Social Text magazine is probably the most famous example - but no one knows why these fakes were submitted. NO WHY KNOWS WHY. 

Please submit appropriate conspiracy theories. I'm thinking it's the godamn Polar Vortex, because it's already ruined my life.