Maintaining a romantic relationship can be challenging, like caring for a car. Regular upkeep is essential to ensure that it runs smoothly. Therefore, if you notice any issues, promptly addressing them is essential to prevent further complications.

Sometimes, we can handle essential maintenance and repairs in our relationships ourselves. However, when more complex issues arise, seeking help from a licensed professional may be the best course of action.

Couples therapy is a behavioural therapy that aims to enhance relationship satisfaction and promote effective conflict resolution between partners. Whether conducted in person or online, the goal of a counsellor is to foster a healthy relationship and address any underlying issues that may be impacting the couple's well-being.

Couples therapy, also called talk therapy, is a type of psychotherapy involving a licensed therapist with clinical expertise, often an LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist), working with couples in romantic relationships.

In couples therapy, partners gain insight into their relationship, resolve conflicts, and enhance relationship satisfaction using a range of therapeutic interventions. The techniques used in behavioural relationship counselling may vary depending on the therapist's experience and the couple's needs. However, most approaches typically include the following key elements:

• Focusing on a specific problem, such as sexual difficulties, Internet addiction, intimacy, or jealousy.
  
  
• Encouraging active participation from both partners, with the therapist treating the relationship as a whole rather than each individual separately.
  
  
• Utilizing solution-focused and change-oriented interventions early on in the therapy process.
  
  
• Establishing clear objectives to guide the therapy sessions.
  
  
  

What are the benefits of couple's therapy?

Couples therapy has the potential to transform your relationship, enabling both partners to experience happiness, fulfilment, and satisfaction. Other benefits of this type of therapy include:

• Improved communication skills
  
  Couples therapy can teach you how to communicate in healthier and more effective ways.
  
  
• Strengthened bond
  A strong bond between partners fosters a sense of unity and teamwork, providing support and empowerment to tackle challenges together.
  
  
• Rebuilt trust
  Trust is a crucial foundation for any healthy relationship. Whether it has been broken or needs to be deepened, emotionally focused therapy can help you build or regain trust in each other.
  
  
• Improved relationship dynamic
  Attempting to resolve relationship issues independently can be stressful, frustrating, and time-consuming. By seeking the guidance of a therapist, you can improve your relationship dynamic in a shorter period than if you tried to do it alone.
  
  

What should you expect during a couple's therapy?

During couples therapy, you can expect to work collaboratively with a licensed therapist who will guide you and your partner through conversations and exercises to improve your relationship. Here are some things you can expect during a typical couples therapy session:

Initial Assessment
The therapist will typically begin by gathering information about your relationship, such as how long you've been together, the current issues you're facing, and any history that may be relevant.

Identifying Goals
The therapist will work with you and your partner to identify specific goals for therapy, such as improving communication, resolving conflicts, or rebuilding trust.

Communication Exercises
Communication is a key component of any healthy relationship, and the therapist may lead you through various exercises designed to help you and your partner communicate more effectively.

Conflict Resolution Strategies
The therapist may also teach you and your partner specific strategies for resolving conflicts, such as active listening, compromising, or taking a break when emotions run high.

Homework Assignments
The therapist may also assign homework between sessions, such as practising active listening or having a date night, to help reinforce what you've learned in therapy.

Follow-up Sessions
You can expect regular follow-up sessions to track your progress and make any necessary adjustments to your therapy plan.

Remember, couples therapy is a collaborative process, and both partners should be willing to actively participate and commit to making positive changes for the therapy to be effective.

© Zoe Clews & Associates

There are various reasons why couples may seek therapy, but a few of those are extremely common, as we will explain in the following points:

You've Grown Apart

Divorce incidents peak at certain times, with the first wave being around seven years. The second wave of a possible divorce is 21 years after marriage. The second divorce is often connected to growing apart, less about fighting and more about avoidance. After many years of marriage, some couples no longer engage with each other but simply live as roommates.

Couples tend to forget what brought them together in time and why they fell in love. If you've been with someone for many years, you build a life narrative, a history and memories to fall back on, and couples therapy gives you the chance to rekindle the spark.

You Clash about Money

Money has always been an issue for many couples. Still, if you throw in the usual late-in-life worries such as health issues, fewer and fewer years of earning left, not to mention the unstable nature of our world, you have an atmosphere filled with financial friction and stress. Clashes may stem from differences in spending or disagreements on what you need to save for, as well as retirement. There may be the stress of not earning enough or the inequalities in managing your savings. Money tends to evoke strong feelings in people, and an imbalance between both sides of a relationship in terms of spending or earning may spin out of control to the point where the relationship is in danger of falling apart.

Someone has Been Unfaithful.

One of the most common reasons for couples therapy is the attempt to fix a breach of trust by a cheating spouse. Cheating doesn't always mean only physical infidelity; it may mean being secretive and hiding essential things from your spouse. It means reconnecting with an old flame and thinking it's harmless when all of a sudden it becomes more than that. How can one tell they've crossed the line of trust? This is a complex subject, as cheating means something different for everyone. The most important thing is building a shared, agreed-upon level of fidelity in a relationship that works for both sides.

You Have Lots of Hurtful Arguments

We all have various ways of handling conflict, some seeking confrontation while others run away when things get difficult. Some passive-aggressive people find ways to sabotage other's life quietly. Big arguments can often leave a lot of tears and hurt feelings, but frequent small arguments can be just as destructive for your relationship. Couples tend to get into a closed loop of arguing about the same things over and over and over again. With couples therapy, you can find ways to defuse disagreements with respect. Instead of going on the offensive, you can find ways to understand the other side and find a working compromise.

Going Through a Bg Transition

Even if you and your partner are getting along just fine, big changes may put stress on your relationship, becoming a serious problem. Different coping styles can also create friction that spins out of control. Suddenly finding yourself in a difficult situation, such as taking care of an ill parent, can consume a lot of time and effort, which presents many challenges. If your spouse isn't supportive or doesn't understand, then that may lead to resentment. Couples therapy helps find a way to restore the connection you had and to find a compromise.

©Zoe Clews & Associates

The benefits of relationship counselling will depend on the couple looking for help. The more you and your romantic partner happen to put into your relationship, the better your outcome. If you are hoping to change or improve your relationship satisfaction, you should consider a couples therapist and the following benefits you would experience:

Gain a Better Understanding of Your Relationship

One major benefit of going to couples therapy is that you can start to understand your relationship dynamics. Who has the power, are things balanced, and are you falling into negative communication patterns? If you disagree with common points of strife, you should address those. Looking at the answers to the questions and starting to understand the practices behind your relationship will give you a chance to heal your bond and make it stronger.

Getting an Impartial Opinion

Finding good couples therapists means having someone you can confide in and trust. The therapist will listen to what you’re saying and give you impartial, honest and unbiased feedback. Sometimes hearing someone else telling you what you need to hear is a good way to look at your relationship from a more sober perspective. That neutral party can listen to both sides and see ways to give constructive feedback they can’t achieve on their own. This may be a huge part of what makes a difference. If you have any questions, you need to ask, or if you are thinking about making important choices regarding your relationship, you may want to consult a couples therapist first. They can help with long-term outcomes that may result from a hasty decision. They may even give you advice that may save your marriage or relationship, providing solutions you can’t see on your own.

Creating a Safe Environment for You and Your Partner

Often, when we are dealing with conflict with our partner, the feeling of safety and balance is something both sides struggle with. To truly navigate the conflict, both sides must be willing to open up and be vulnerable and honest. That scares most people, so they employ various coping mechanisms like avoidance or humour to shift the blame or dodge responsibility. Couples therapy provides a safe environment where you have set and enforced boundaries and a neutral third party overseeing the process and intervening when needed. 

You Can Begin to See Another Perspective

Couples therapy often allows two people to find a way with each other and see through your partner’s eyes. It’s common to see things only through your own experience, so you may think your feelings are more important than those of your partner. This has nothing to do with selfishness but rather an ingrained human instinct most people follow blindly. If a therapist is involved, they may give you a chance to objectively look through both sides of the disagreement and avoid miscommunication. You can find a practical way to solve your issues now and in the future.

You Can Overcome Relationship Roadblocks

It may be quite common for relationships to go through hurdles where both parts of a whole are dealing with a specific problem. Maybe it’s about whether or not you want to have children or to figure out a major move in your life that you need to agree upon. It may be the act of purchasing a home together. Whatever the reason, you and your partner are arguing about a certain topic, and you feel you’re not getting anywhere. In these cases, therapy may give you a hand when you most need it. 

©Zoe Clews & Associate

You should go for a therapist visit when you’re not in any real crisis yet. This is of course rarely the case, since you are far more likely to look for help when you’re neck-deep in trouble. Since we’re all busy in our daily lives, good help is hard to schedule.

You should at the very least consider the possibility of therapy when your relationship is ailing. More couples should reach out for therapy before a catastrophic problem is encountered. Couples counselling is a great resource to fall back on if you’re going through a hard time. You can find strength in it, finding a safer way forward with your relationship, or providing ongoing support to resolve whatever issues are holding you back.

Couples going through counselling can find it prevents things from deteriorating. If you and your partner are going through it, you will be in a much better position to resolve your issues going forward. This will happen without being at each other’s throats. You won’t have the added pressure of having to find a therapist in a hurry, and you won’t have to worry about finding one that clicks with you. 

How Do You Find a Therapist?

This may be one of the hardest things to do. You should dedicate some time, specifically a couple of weeks or even months and see at least a few different ones to get a sense of things. Before you start, you should talk to your partner about it, as this is something that affects both of you. You need to figure out the kind of therapist they’re looking for, as well as factors you both find important going forward. You need to synchronise things so your schedules won’t clash with the sessions.

You should ask around and see about getting a referral if you can. See if your friends don’t know anyone they are happy with. You can ask a trusted medical professional, like your primary care physician or your OB/GYN. If you’ve ever been in individual therapy, you can simply ask your therapist about recommending someone who handles couples.

You can look up websites like Psychology Today, where most therapists will pay for listings, and it may also give you a chance to narrow down the search based on language, gender, speciality, location and more. Depending on where you live, you may have a local association of therapists working online that you can contact. Even if a therapist doesn’t exactly have a massive presence online, that doesn’t mean they’re bad at their job. Sometimes they get more than enough business through simple word-of-mouth and are plenty busy without having to advertise or even make their website.

You Should Keep an Open Mind

You should have a mental checklist of what you’re looking for in a therapist, but you should also allow yourself a chance to think outside of that. You don’t know what it will feel like to be in the room with your significant other and the therapist before you’re there. Both of you need to feel comfortable and respected in that professional environment for things to work.

Common Couples Therapies

Many counsellors are trained in various ways of therapy and will adapt your treatment based on your situation. The three most commonly established ones are the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Imago Relationship Therapy. There are other nuances, sometimes even hypnosis may be used, specific types of sex therapy and more, but those three are the most commonly used. 

©Zoe Clews & Associates

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