"What will happen to immigration in an independent Scotland?

Everyone will be welcome but, so we know who they are, the English, Welsh and Irish will need to wear hats. The English will wear a bowler hat. The Welsh will wear a dragon hat. The Irish will wear one of those funny hats with two cans of Guinness and a straw to suck on. Yes, in an independent Scotland the Fat Minister will, quite literally, introduce an immigration cap."

Scotland’s referendum on 18 September 2014 is a choice between two futures. Sadly, neither of those futures involves apes taking over the planet.

If we vote Yes, we take the next step on Scotland’s journey. If we vote No, we'll not take any steps and we'll sit in the house all day just like when it's raining and it's too cold to go out - so, basically, no change from normal.

But how do you know which future to vote for? The Fat Minister of Scotland, Alex Salmon, has written this guide to answer all your questions about independence. Will the people of Scotland still be able to watch Doctor Who on the BBC? Will the Scottish Government ban Trident? And, perhaps the most important question of them all, will Scotland get to keep the pandas?

The Fat Minister's Question Time will answer all of these questions and more in the funniest guide to the Scottish independence referendum.