It's good to be bad! You're not evil. You're just...misunderstood. And you're in good company. In The Unofficial Middle-earth Monster's Guide, orcs, goblins, trolls, dark wizards--and on especially articulate dragon--serve as the perfect role models for aspiring evil-doers. Coveting that corner office? Crush the current opponent with your blood-thirsty Uruk-Hai army. Contemplating revenge on a past love? Blast him with a ball of fire--it's really the only sensible solution. Want that kid's cookie? Go ahead and take it. We won't tell. Inside you'll find: Advice on attacking, defeating, and cooking hobbits, elves, dwarves, and pesky white wizards. Philosophies of evil from various Middle-earth baddies, from balrogs and orcs to spiders and squirrels (yes, squirrels). Fashion advice for the well-dressed villain. Tried-and-true tips on spying, being sneaky, and preparing roast mutton from villains who know. So slip on your new ring of power (it really is quite beautiful, isn't it?) and curl up on the couch with your warg. The Unofficial Middle-earth Monster's Guide is the only compendium of evil you'll ever need to conquer all of life's challenges--and the world.