**WARNING: THE VIRGIN ROMANCE NOVELIST IS A STANDALONE ROMANTIC COMEDY THAT WILL CAUSE YOU TO LAUGH LIKE A HYENA IN PUBLIC. READ IN THE CONFINES OF YOUR OWN HOME. IF YOU ARE ADDICTED TO CLIFFHANGERS, GETTING YOUR HEART RIPPED OUT OF YOUR CHEST AND FEELING LIKE A BULLDOZER JUST PLOWED THROUGH YOUR STOMACH, THEN THIS BOOK IS NOT FOR YOU. IF YOU LIKE PEEING YOUR PANTS AND CRYING FROM LAUGHING SO HARD, THEN PLEASE CONTINUE READING.***

Her bosom heaved at an alarming rate as his rough hand found its way down to her soft, yet wiry briar patch...

Can you say briar patch in a romance novel? What about meat sword? That’s what it is…a meat sword, right, all meaty and sword like, slaying through the inner dungeons of a woman’s dark desires. What about breasts? Do bosoms really heave?

God, I have no idea what happens when private parts touch.

I’m a virgin trying to write a romance novel and can’t seem to write past a sex scene thanks to my lack of experience.

My two best friends encourage me to drop the pen for a while and gain some real life practice through multiple dating facets such as blind dates, online profiles, and random hookups.

But losing my virginity is proving to be tougher than expected…