Mother Church had little interest in the things that were interesting me. Her job was to take care of her family. Why should she get into discussions that might cause them to lose confidence in her? Why encourage them to raise questions for which she had no answers? Even more important, why waste valuable time rehashing things that had been settled centuries ago when there was so much to do around the house right now? I understood her reasons, I really did. I was just looking for some way to stay related to her that did not require me to stay a child.
Because I had left the house, I found less and less to talk about with people who were still happily engaged inside. At clergy gatherings I felt like a single woman listening to dedicated parents discuss day care and home remedies for colic. When I spoke of things that I found fascinating, the resounding silence told me how far I was from the center of the map and how much my distance sounded like disloyalty. Church people who could tell I was in the wilderness were kind enough to invite me back inside the house, but even when I went to visit I did not want to stay. I did not know how to behave anymore. I could no longer speak the lines that I had been given to say. I wanted to go back outside.
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