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review 2017-02-16 06:44
This author writes urban fantasy with elements I enjoy...
The Vampire's Dinner - T.J. Nichols
It's that scary time again...Jizzmas time. It's week #5 of Jizzmas reviews!



4.75 Hearts--

"What the hell? I don't do blood play?"
Charles kept him caged in the chair and trapped by the table. "I can assure you I am not playing."

Well...it might be too soon to call it since we have just one more week of our Jizzmas reviews, but this is my FAVE of the bunch! (I've started and faltered with more than you know)

THIS IS HOW I LIKE MY VAMPIRES WRITTEN!



Good lord...hands down one of my fave 2016 vampire reads. And it's just 39 deliciously deviant pages. (And I have so many quotes saved)

Charles is a 400 year old vampire who indulges himself and revels in his baser needs for death, one time of year, Christmas day. He hires a rentboy, Blake and rents out a penthouse suite in a lavish hotel, plans the night accordingly. Blake's escorting to pay his way through college (cliché yes but *shrugs*), has virtually no familial ties and needs the cash his new client offered. What Blake thinks is a jackpot client: not only is he being paid highly, he gets to spend it in a posh hotel and eat a fancy meal.

Only thing is...Blake is Charles' dinner.

I read this author's work in another anthology - A Wolf's Résistance. Nichols writes paranormal/urban fantasy pretty well. Strong hand in setting the scene and I enjoy Nichols' characters and premises. The Vampire's Dinner surpassed what I expected.

Why this was magical? It's the little things that will always get my attention. Here the author portrayed a 400 year old being in present day. Charles spoke formally. He was a warrior, an assassin, not used to being overt. His thoughts read as such. When we're shown his thoughts, I bought it. Blake is scared shitless. BUT he's a rent boy first, where he sells himself and acts to his clients specifications. Blake was the ultimate actor, thought on his feet and used his wits. My kinda rent boy! ;P

The story ends HFN, as I think is fitting for the setting and tone. Any semblance of romance or HEA would ruin the effect the author is going for. The open-ended feel of that fateful night just lends more to the mysterious dark ribbon entwined. Will the bargain actually make it to the agreed upon terms? Can the pair be more than john and client? What's in store for their future? Part of me wants to learn more, but the other part that responded to this story...loves it exactly how it is.

The Jizzmas spirit is nonexistent here. Christmas is just the prop, thankfully in the background.

Not recommended for those who need on page penetrative sex, HEA and definitive romance. Recommended for readers who can handle a little dark, mystery and fangs. Who doesn't like reading about predator and prey having an agreement from time to time?



Don't mind if I do.

I'm definitely checking more of this author's work.


A copy provided for an honest review.
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review 2017-02-16 06:36
My Jizzmas spirit (ha) was a little underwhelmed with this one.
Cursed Miracles - Meg Harding
It's the Jizzmas 'Corns vs. Grumpicorns Round #3!

Check out all of our reviews here for this week's latest batch of Sunday Funday Jizzmas



3-3.5 HEARTS (a sliding scale)


Out of all the Jizzmas tales from this anthology--I'll admit I didn't look through them all for fear of turning into gingerbread--this was the one I wanted to read hard. That cover, the author and that blurb?




Buuuuuuuuuuuuut...after reading, I'm not feeling the magic. And once again, it's nothing to do with the Santa Semen. In fact, the Christmas aspect in Cursed Miracles could be considered a throwaway for as much as it really mattered. Had nothing to do with the central plot which was long lost lovers.

Two hundred years ago in Britain, childhood friends turned lovers Lords William Mashinter and Brady Gallagher go through trials to hide their love. On Christmas, the love is tested ultimately where one is frozen in time cursed to walk the earth, the other is killed, cursed to be reborn and remembering his past life, yearning for what he can't have. We jump to present day after the curse and that's where the unease starts for me. (I'm ignoring the modern feel of the historical part)

Present day starts off a little cheesy with 'frozen' lover working in an office, being forced to wear a candy cane tie. Minor issue but I could do without the slice of silly. And when the grand reunion happens, I was expecting thunder and lightning...something. Two hundred years of yearning for this man, your soul mate and it read a little anticlimactic. What happened to the person who cursed them? Why wouldn't William keep tabs on them? Who is she? What is she? What's the purpose of cursing? All these unanswered questions I have.

Was the reunion worth the read? I guess. But the epilogue was too long I would have rather than focus be put into the reunion or building the tension prior to William and Brady's reunion. I can't rate this high than 3 Hearts because I've read 2 variations of a past life plot that left an impression--one recently that was bombastic compared to Cursed Miracles. I think it might be why I was underwhelmed. I can't help wishing maybe this was a little longer and stronger in places.

Overall, the story is readable.

Boy meets boy, says he loves him. He's taken away and he travels the earth cursed looking until he stops. And he ends up where he least expects him. Oh and the sprinklings of Christmas jizz. *shrugs* The meld of past and present wasn't as smooth for me.




A copy provided for an honest review.
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review 2017-02-16 06:33
Cool vampire short story with kinky undertonnes
Epiphany - L. A. Stockman
3.5 HEARTS--This is Jizzmas I can get behind!

Erotic, interesting characters, some kink and action sprinkled on top with the Christmas jizz splattered to a minimum!

 



No jingle bells were to be found!

Set in Victorian Britain (though it reads modern), Epiphany by L.A. Stockman features a 3000 year old Egyptian vampire, Khafra, and his new 18 year old lover, Alfie. Submissive Alfie loves nothing more than serving Khafra any way he can.

Think bondage and D/s-esque bedroom play.



Epiphany isn't just hot sex, though there is a heaping pile of it. There is some plot thrown in too! Khafra has a past and keeps it hidden from vampire society. Khafra is also infatuated with young Alfie, so much so that he devised his devirginization prior to the start of this short story. Alfie and Khafra have a connection, there weren't enough pages to get into heavy detail. But for what was given, it was believable enough.

Where the author made the story unique is the vampire society and the Epiphany holiday tie-in. Vampires have different rules when it comes to consorting with humans, Khafra has to decide where Alfie stands in his immortal life very quickly. Vampires have royals just like the Brits, there's a court and everything. I've read this author's previous work and she does well with historical tinges to her story to make it interesting.

Who Khafra is exactly is certainly that. My gripe? The story didn't elaborate on Khafra's 'specialness' If he's supposed to be revered, I expected a little more than what was given. The story length doesn't get to delve into Khafra's vampire background fully. and for a 300 year old vampire, I know he lived an interesting undead life. I'd have preferred reading the story at a different starting point, maybe reading Khafra's seduction of Alfie. Established couples aren't my go to reads, but thankfully, it was still early enough in their relationship to not be a big enough issue for me.

The positives outweigh my gripes. Stockman certainly writes characters I want to know more about. I really liked that the story is staunchly HFN. The bit of action (swords!) made me happy too! Though the villain read a little out of left field to me, I guess it was necessary to help move the story along.

Overall, a hot paranormal historical erotica with a modern feel. I do think this would work best for readers who want something quick to read with just enough plot to tide them over with a bit of bite.




I'm very interested in reading more stories from this author. She has good ideas that I've discovered.



A copy provided for an honest review.
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review 2017-02-14 05:11
Jizzmas Meh...
All I Want for Christmas... Is No Christmas (2016 Advent Calendar - Bah Humbug) - Colton Aalto
  It's the Jizzmas 'Corns vs. Grumpicorns Round #3!

Check out all of our reviews here for this week's latest batch of Sunday Funday Jizzmas



2.5 HEARTS (barely)--Whelp, they all can't be winners.

 

 

Alec is a college attending rent boy. He's had a rough childhood and when he came out on Christmas, his life got rougher. He was homeless. Hooking provided a means to an end, where he can provide for himself and pay his way through college. I can't knock the hustle. Where the story goes off the Christmas track, is maybe around the point where a rent boy who can't read obvious signals from his crush. His older lawyer works for the Colorado Attorney General crush and cousin of Alec's best friend and dorm mate, Hayden.

 

The story is hella shallow, the plot is just as deep. A plus in this story's side is that the Christmas jizz is not heavy. But I can't keep stretching reality to make peace with this story. There's a big time investigation...for why? And the entire stripping thing...not needed. Or the info dumps on top of over-explanations. (ex. Why would a Colorado resident need to explain to another Colorado resident--pot is free? We won't even get into it being an older law enforcement type explaining to a college student) Hayden was cool with Alec's profession. I think that's awesome...however the reason why he likes him is because of his hotness?

 

(Refer to the gif above)

 

There wasn't any on page sex, so no worries for shallow bedroom escapades. I kinda wished the story kept to the promising crush, left the international case and just focus on the guy's obvious feelings without making the rentboy angle be this big thing that it turned out not to be.

 

The story telling skills were not for me. And it had nothing to do with the Santa Jizz. It was just quality.

 

Had promise...got lost in the vast info dumps.

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review 2017-02-08 05:56
Jizzmas approved! ;D
The Fortune Cookie (2016 Advent Calendar - Bah Humbug) - Matt Burlingame
It's the spookiest time of the year...CHRISTMAS JIZZMAS time!!

A lot of readers are going to smother themselves in Christmas Jizz. Whelp at BMBR, we're reviewing Dreamspinner's Bah Humbug anthology - Grumps vs. Jizz Lovers (1 guess what team I'm on)



Here's my 2 cents:

4.25 Hearts--I feel!



Possibly the Jizzmas spirit? *squints*

This Santa jizz Grumpcorn was tickled by this adorably snarky story. I swallowed this load easily.

I think this year's anthology theme of Scrooges reigning supreme is great. (You can't tell me that the Scrooges don't reign) It's the only reason why I even looked at this year's Dreamspinner anthology. I felt one with this story's Scrooge, Laurence. He's 33, single and not a big fan of the Christmas commercialism. And if he shreds unwanted Christmas decorations from his office cubicle, so what? They shouldn't be invading his space. I feel he is misunderstood. He stood up to the Christmas cheery and their Christmas sugar, fought the good fight...maybe he might have been a little stern.

But he got his point across. *shrug*

Maybe too well, since he's been at it for years and this year an office mishap lands him in an office holiday planning committee. Mandatory or else. *gasp* And to make matters worse, the committee is being led by a Christmas loving ginger giant by the name of Nick Kringall. Nick tries to complete the impossible with Laurence on his team--throw a big party in a limited amount of time. The two men are forced to work together. During this short period of time Laurence thaws out, Nick seems a little otherworldly, is it a Jizzmas miracle?

NO!

Where this story wins is not the Jizzmas cheer, it's watching Laurence realize his flaws, grow as a person and open to let someone in. Also, Matt Burlingame, the author of this story has a fine hand at letting the story unfurl without letting it get lost to Christmas fluff and cheer. There was a speck of feels as there are mentions of past abuse - Trigger warning. There were also moments of cheese--hm, like Cheddar cubes--but it worked to make a well rounded story. And the romance was sweet not sticky. The laughs had a snarky tinge. Thoroughly enjoyed and will be looking for more MM romance from this author (it's his first time!)

On second thought, I don't think it's Jizzmas spirit I feel. I think it was a little indigestion. *burp* ;P

A copy provided for an honest review.
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