*Book source ~ Kindle Unlimited

A mysterious laboratory accident, monsters making the streets unsafe after nightfall and a dumbass virgin walking home long after sunset. You see where this is headed, right?

Ok, first off, I cannot just let this one tidbit go: it starts at 6% and ends at 51%. Seriously. This is wrong, wrong, wrong. Do not do this to readers. Ever.  Also, that cover. What the fuck is she wearing? Tara The Dumbass Virgin (henceforth referred to as DV) is not wearing anything like this and the author’s name is not visible. Bad cover. I like the tentacles though.

Nearly everything about this story is asinine. The only redeeming feature is…tentacles! Sweet, sweet tentacles. Tentacles are like the ultimate monster porn appendage. They’re so damn versatile! And flexible! And plentiful! Unless you really suck as a writer, you can’t go wrong with throwing some tentacles in there. On the other hand, virgins who have their hymen so far inside them they’re practically choking on it is a huge no-no. Please take Anatomy of Female Genitalia 101. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

DV’s asshole boss makes her work late even though it is common knowledge that the streets are unsafe after dark. Instead of telling her boss to go fuck himself or threaten a lawsuit for having to work past dark, DV works late and then, instead of taking a taxi home, she walks the 20 minutes to her place. In the dark on unsafe streets. Then seems surprised when she’s accosted by a monster who wants to deflower her and get her preggers. Omfg! I’m done. Just die already. But she won’t because the monster wants her to breed his spawn. *sigh* Moving on.

11/12 - I blame Carol (A Voracious Reader) A Voracious Reader for the existence of this review. A few days ago she wrote a review for another of Giggles' books Seeded by X-Mas Tentacles. Her review, http://avoraciousreader.booklikes.com/post/1300205/monster-porn-monday-4 was surprisingly (how often do these strange monster porn Kindles turn out to be rubbish?) quite complimentary. Except for the misleading page count (a problem which this book suffers from, as well) there wasn't much to complain of. I hadn't read any monster porn, but I have read a lot of reviews of dreadful examples of it and read a fair share of other dreadfully written Kindle freebie 'romances', so was interested to read one that wasn't dreadful. Not that this was free or anything, I paid $4 for the 'story bundle' as it's being called, but I figured it was slightly better value as I got three 'books' for the price of two of them, if bought individually.

When it comes to the plot, all I can say is, thank goodness none of my family is on GR - they'd have a heart attack and pepper me with awkward questions as to why I would want to read a book about alien tentacle sex and impregnating human women with alien spawn - and thank goodness for the privacy of a password protected Kindle (no one at home realises that 90% of my Kindle books are romances) - I would probably have a heart attack if my grandad came across a copy of this sitting on the coffee table and wanted to know what it's about.

*Book source ~ Kindle Unlimited

It’s Christmas Eve and Clarise is waiting for her husband to get home from work. While she waits she bangs the garden guy, takes a shower, has a glass of wine, opens a present and then gets the surprise of her life when a nasty, multi-tentacled monster comes down the chimney and introduces himself as Krampus. And we all know that Krampus punishes naughty boys and girls. You gotta feel bad for Clarise. Or maybe not.

First off, this is yet another story that short changes the reader. It starts at 22% and ends at 80%. No. Just, no. This is evil, inappropriate and pisses me off. I picked this up through KU, but if I had purchased it I would have returned it. Huge no-no and a fine way to alienate your readers. Don’t do this.

Now, to the story. Krampus has himself a right naughty girl to punish. Clarise is cheating on her husband with the garden guy. *tsk tsk* She’s gonna get it. But Krampus makes her tell him all of the dark things she really wants, so how exactly is he punishing her? Never mind. It’s vile, nasty, hot, tentacle BDSM monster sex. Woot! Fairly well-written with only a few glitches this is quite the scorcher. *fans self* It’s a little rougher in the BDSM department than I like to read, but it’s hot all the same. I mentioned the tentacles, right? I’ll definitely check out more by this author.