Series: Discworld #26

Excellent Pratchett.

I'm not sure what else to say. There's an organisation called the Monks of History that can basically control time and Susan shows up to save the world. With "help" (/hindrance) from the Death of Rats and its Raven. If you'd like to know more or just giggle a little, I suggest you check out the quotes from my updates.

Previous updates:

page 22 of 430 (Miss Ogg becomes Mrs Ogg)

page 50 of 430 (Igor)

page 53 of 430 (more Igor)

page 109 of 430 (Susan on the unwritten rules and humanity's stupidity)

page 210 of 430 (the Yeti and Lu-Tze's resemblance to Granny Weatherwax)

page 247 of 430 (Auditors vs doorknob)

page 349 of 430 (the wisdom of avoiding otters)

page 359 of 430 (numbering of the Rules)

page 388 of 430 (Susan comments on astrology)

I'm counting this for the Cryptozoologist square for 2018 Halloween Bingo because of the Yeti. And the Death of Rats. And other Discworldy stuff.

'It makes you wonder if there is anything to astrology after all.'

'Oh, there is,' said Susan, 'Delusion, wishful thinking and gullibility.'

Burn.

'Well, I expect you have heard of Rule One, right?' he said.

That seemed to give them pause. One said, 'We know millions of rules, human.'

'Billions. Trillions,' said another.

'Well, you can't attack me,' said Lu-Tze, ' 'cos of Rule one.'

The nearest Auditors went into a huddle.

'It must involve gravitation.'

'No, quantum effects. Obviously.'

'Logically there cannot be a Rule One because at that point there would be no concept of plurality.'

'But if there is not a Rule One, can there be any other rules? If there is no Rule One, where is Rule Two?'

'There are millions of rules! They cannot fail to be numbered!'

Wonderful, thought Lu-Tze. All I have to do is wait until their heads melt.

Koan 97: 'Do unto otters as you would have them do unto you.' Hmm. No real help there. Besides, he'd occasionally been unsure that he'd written that one down properly, although it certainly had worked. He'd always left aquatic mammals well alone, and they had done the same to him.

The Auditors are great.

'Understood, said one of the incarnate ones. 'We know the way. We will lead.'

It walked into the door

The Auditors clustered around the door for a while, and then one of them glared at Lady LeJean, who smiled.

'Doorknob,' she said.

The Auditor turned back to the door, stared at the brass knob, and then looked the door up and down. It dissolved into dust.

'Doorknob was simpler,' said Lady LeJean.

As a matter of fact, Death has never really got the hang of doorknobs either. Or latches.