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Dear God, when will this asshole's terror campaign against literature end? I nearly punched a baby after reading his recent short story about a Franco-like character who maybe didn't fuck Lindsay Lohan, but this poetry nonsense is making me stroke out. 

From the Guardian article: 

"River" addresses James Franco from the point of view of River Phoenix. The first line helpfully makes this clear: "Hello, James, it's River."

 

"I died at age 23," River reminds James, sounding a bit like a Wikipedia entry. "Ten years before your age now."

 

And then, startlingly: "James, you're the Jesus age."

 

THE JESUS AGE. If only this kind of lazy trolling were a capital offense.