I literally cannot rate this. It was supposed to be a high rating for me. I mean, it started out at a three and then I finally caved and decided four, but then the fucking ending happened. I resisted throwing the book, because I decided I'd finish the last ten pages and find out whether I still wanted to. I didn't; the epilogue mellowed me out a little. But then I gave into the tears -- and I mean, I gave in. The last few books I read made me sniffle and tear up and wipe tears off my face.

This one made me outright sob. I mean outright outright. I spent all night Thanksgiving Eve -- well, technically it was 3am Thanksgiving Day -- and cried. And cried. And CRIED. Myself to sleep. Because it was supposed to have a happy ending. There was supposed to be joy and help and resolution and...healing, and...but there wasn't. And if I had known it wouldn't end well, I wouldn't have put myself through it at all, because the lives in this book, the troubles of the characters, are some things I myself have seen firsthand and I didn't do anything in real life because I didn't know about it until it was too late but this...this book, was supposed to be a way I could heal, and forgive myself.

But instead I spent all night sobbing into my pillow, having to breathe deeply through my nose around my crying instead of hiccuping to keep my brother in the next room from hearing my anguish. I mean, this book was exhausting to read, okay. It literally took me four and a half hours to read halfway, the first 194 1/2 pages. But I loved it and then...and then? So no. I can't rate this, because out of rage and indignation and blinding pain, I want to rate it one-star. But then I also want to put it on my six-star shelf and wave it high because it really got to me -- even without the horrid closing. 

So:

Don't listen to the reviews on the back of this book that call it "funny and satirical". Because it isn't. I mean, I guess it is? But that's definitely not the heart of it. A satire is a thing to make fun of other things, basically, and this is supposed to bring light on the lives of the riches of Fox Glen and drugs and the rich in general and youth in general, and it does, but not really in a light and happy way. Not really in a...satirical way. You know what I mean? A satire is supposed to make you cry, and laugh a little,and be like, yeah, I realize that is a problem, and I'm going to do something about it. Or at least think about it. And want to help. Even if I can't.

IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO FUCKING RIP YOU TO SHREDS. Which is what it fucking did to me.

So no. No. I can't rate this. I'm going to try to forget about it instead. 

If you want to be killed by grief and the injustice of this world, go ahead and read it. But steel yourself, I beg of you. Don't be me. Don't spend the entire morning of a holiday crying for a book instead of letting your family drive you to it later ('cause we all know relatives are cruel and the holidays are a joke in themselves). Prepare yourself for devastation.

(As for the book itself...Someone called it wordy. I'm pretty sure that was the point. I loved it, actually. The style and everything. And the characters. For a little while they fool you into believing they're completely different than they actually are, especially the Wellses.)

I love this series oh so much. It has all the things I love. I mean, it's full of tropes and not really stereotypes but -- things we see in writings often often often. Like lots of crying and being able to see pupils dilate. I've looked it up man -- they dilate so fucking minimally that's it impossible to see them do such, and especially from a great distance. But I mean...this series is just so wonderfully imaginative and the characters are ARRGHHH and the world-building is ARGGHHH and everything is so so good. The writing actually isn't...special, you know? It isn't "spectacular" or anything like that. It's normal writing, but it's...the way it's arranged -- it makes you feel what you're supposed to be feeling and...it's just fun, okay. I hate fragmented sentences, incomplete ones, and that's all this book is made up of, and yet it doesn't bother me. It's part of what makes the book itself, you know?

And I'm just freaking dying for the next one. 

(Also the dynamic between Wolf and Scarlet is one of my favourite trope-y dynamics. Same with Thorne and Cinder, oh my goodness.)

3.25 stars (because that should totes be a thing), for the surprising amount of emotional duress (not caused by my distaste/dislike/absolute hatred for the writing/plot/etc, that is) I experienced during the course of this book, specifically regarding Newt and my accidental care for him and his "comrades". Ahahahaha shit, it hurts.

I wanted to write a nice coherent review for this highlighting the things I detested and the things I could bear and the things I liked and the things with which I somehow fell in love.

But even after a night's (well, a morning's, really) rest, I am emotionally and psychologically drained and I just don't give two shits.

But!

I will try to at least depict a little of my love-hate relationship for this book. See, it's not that I love to hate it or hate to love it, or that I love it so much I hate it (gag, definitely not), or even that I hate it so much I hate it.

The love and hate have nothing to do with each other, except for those rare moments when they linger together and make me ultimately disgusted and nauseous but strangely enthralled.

I hated the writing, first off, but that marginally improved as the books wore on, so in this one it was actually quite bearable, if not sometimes pleasant (specifically chapter 57). The last 69 pages were wonderful, and perhaps the first ten before that because everything done with Newt was actually done pretty fucking well. I have a lot of emotions. Somehow I fell deep, deep, deeply in love with some of these characters, Newt included. 

I also loved the way Teresa and Thomas' relationship kind of...rescued/healed/whatever itself. He kind of began to understand what I already did, and that helped ensure it wasn't quite so annoying for me, because his hatred for her in the 2nd book was just..../rolls eyes/. 

I loved all the action-y shit. I love how the series went in directions I didn't expect. I love how they went back to the Maze. Okay, to be honest, "love" for all these is a stretch. The only things I loved about this series were Newt, Minho, and Gally. But especially Newt. Aahahahaha FUCK.

The ending, however, was a large downer. I mean, I get it, it's kind of a "pleasant" ending. Most people dive into the shit that happens after (fo R A REASON!!1 MIND YOU) but apparently Dashner didn't want to do that because that's what nice people do. I mean, I'm not even upset that we don't get answers about what happens to the rest of the word. Well, okay, that's not even remotely true, but it isn't what I'm REALLY upset about it. What I am UPSET about is...will Minho eventually learn the truth about what Thomas' did 

 ? How will this colony work its shit out? Will Thomas end up in a position of leadership anyway despite is like not to? What if they get found? What if a cure ever IS found? 

Uh. I guess that wraps it up? But I really want another book, to answer these questions and other questions AND JUST GIVE ME SOME FUCKING CLOSURE FOR FUCK SAKES. I swear to God, I have an issue about this series and this author especially. It's like I got fucking Stockholm Syndrome about it, that's the best way I can explain my emotions towards it. 

I probably have more to shit on, more to say, other things about which to complain and begrudgingly enjoy....if enjoy is even the word for it, but this is the gist of what I wanted to say.

Fuck this shit, man. Just fucking fuck it. How did this even happen to me.

GOOD
FUCKING
RIDDANCE
!!!!!!!!!!!!!

/angry crying/

I really enjoyed this book. Not enough to give it four stars or fangirl crazily about but it...It was really enjoyable. It didn't make me ohmigerrd FALL IN LOVE, but it was good, you know what I mean? It was a nice read and kind of chaotic and lovely and light and fluffy (not fluffy in the lovey-dovey way, but like...nicely fluffed eggs or cake or something, with tinges of burntness and destruction) and I want to read more about these characters.

Mia could be a bit dense at times, but I think that runs in characters' blood nowadays, hmm? She was kind of badass, though, and the shit that went down was pretty great. As for Jeremy and Mia's relationship...I didn't really feel it? I mean, it was cute, don't get me wrong, and I understood WHY they liked each other and stuff, and Jeremy was a pretty sweet guy and they had their moments...but it doesn't PUNCH OUT AT YOU like most romances do in these YA/dystopian/apocalyptic/whatever novels. Which, I guess, is actually kind of a good thing and probably part of the reason why I enjoyed it.

All in all, it really isn't a memorable book, but it is a NICE book. Also I loved the quotes at the beginning of all the parts, especially the one for the segment prior to the epilogue; it's something I say quite often.

And the author is freaking Gorgeous.  G O R G E O U S. 

(for some reason I ship Parker/Quentin shhh SHHHHH)

Ah, I forgot how nice it is to read books that are easy to read. I missed that.

The story itself seemed kind of unrealistic to me. Not because it doesn't happen in real life; it's just that I would never in a million years marry a dude that I barely knew. It was a painful story, though, a nice one. And I give props because the main character's name is Grace and it didn't make me think of Grace from the Mercy Falls trilogy once, so! Sometimes the way things were worded and the way they occurred didn't make any bloody sense to me whatsoever, and I had to read things several times to even semi-understand them. Also, I am a person who fully supports ambiguous endings -- except this one. The last sentence was not a good last sentence, not even remotely. It is a good story, though, I love the way it approaches things.

The entire time you read the book, though, you can tell Grace doesn't really love Michael. I can't believe she even said yes to him, though I understand the why of it. I mean, I understand your loved ones annoy you, but honestly she should've seen it sooner. The breakup seemed a little uncharacteristic, not that it happened but his reaction. I mean, he's been so mature (well....not really) through the entire thing, but throws his phone at her? I mean, really.

Whatever. It was a good book.