Outside is scary, inside is terrifying.

Collin Fitzpatrick did NOT have an easy life. Controlled by a fanatically religious mother, the missing locks on his bathroom and bedroom doors were just some of the small things that had a lasting effect on him. Being gay wasn't remotely up for discussion in his family. Even the thought of being intimate with a guy was completely out of the question. Consequently, Collin is living his life with an unhealthy amount of guilt, shame and anxiety mixed in, and the big crush he has on his straight college roommate, Tanner, doesn't help one bit. Quite the opposite, because after listening to Tannner banging his friend with benefits the whole semester, the one night he gets caught staring? Turns out Tanner isn't as straight as Collin thought he was, and his undesirable thoughts aren't as impossible as he was hoping.

This book surprised me a little. The writing was good, even though some of the dialogue and inner musings seemed a bit forced at times. But it didn't bother me too much. I had more problems with the fact that Tanner slept with his roommate while Collin was right there. I don't care if he thought his roommate was asleep or not. You just don't DO stuff like that. Especially not when you allegedly have a huge crush on the other person sleeping in the bed right beside your own. Just no.

Other than that I enjoyed the story. Collin never had it easy with his family, therefore never really accepted himself or at least got comfortable with his own body. His anxiety and shame burden him in almost every situation, his fear of discovery is almost all-consuming. No wonder that this kind of angst influences the bloossoming relationship with Tanner greatly, and not exactly in a good way.

This was a good, short gfy-ofy story, even though I got a tiny bit annoyed with the "near-death/severe-situation-changed-everything" plotline. It's not a bad formula, but it's been done more times than anyone can count, which si why more often than not it lost its' shine. I can understand it, I can read it and somewhat enjoy it, but in the end, I wish the characters could grow, change and make decisions without life-altering events forcing their hand. But I know that's me, so other readers might not be bothered by it.

All in all a good start of a series and I picked up the second installment out of pure curiosity right after I finished this one.

4.5 stars for an awesome Scottish love story

Oh dear, where to begin?

Let's meet Fergus first. He's an architect who likes his job, but is even more passionate about football/soccer and especially his LGBT team. After a personal and professional betrayal, Fergus has a hard time moving on, and so does his team. In order to survive and get over the humiliation he and his mates had to face in the straight league they're playing in and in their personal life, Fergus has to step up and be the leader he never wanted to be and the master of his own fate. The last thing he needs is a powerful attraction to a stranger who has his own cross to bear. But what can you do when a charming, hot and interested guy like John Burns comes into your life and makes you feel things you thought you never would experience again? Start something new and exciting, but always keep your wits about you. At least a little.

Long story short, I loved this! But I'm not sure how much other readers would be able to enjoy it. Firstly, there is the dialect. Scottish is not your "standard English" as such. For me, it wasn't that big of a problem. I studied British English - including Old English, Middle English, a little bit of Scottish, Welsh, Galic - you get the drift. So, I don't really have a problem with the written Scottish, understanding the spoken words is far more difficult for me. So I enjoyed the writing very much and had no issues with comprehension. I do see possible difficulties for others who had no contact with this dialect before. Some of it might be hard to understand and might even dimish the joy of reading because even though you're reading a variation fo your native langugae, you actually might need a translator. For me personally, it added to the charm of the story and made me like the book more.

Secondly, the topics involved.

The romance plot is important and I liked how it developed over time. Although I did have some issues with the way the secrets were handled (especially the "big crash"), I still enjoyed it very much and found it realistic and believable.

But, and I understand where some readers are coming from with their issues, there are other topics involved in the story. And they do play a rather big role. The historically grown conflicts between Catholics and Protestants are issues in modern day Scottland you problably haven't heard a lot about if your not a Celtic or Rangers fan, or very interested in Scottish history and or/ politics in general. Again, I have a degree in English language and literature, as well as in history. These conflicts are not new to me, even though I'm far from an expert in Scottish history specifically. But I have a good basis, something that some readers might not have and therefore might not enjoy these story lines as much as I did. I don't think that it's harder to understand the book without the backround knowledge. Avery Cockburn does a fantastic job by telling a tightly knit story of two young men deeply involved in these issues. There are enough explanations, and also self-explanatory scenes, to make you see and understand what is happening. But I can still see why it might be a tad boring or confusing for readers who are not innately interested in politics today and/or history. As I said, these are things that made me like the book that much more. Because it was something special for me, to read a story involving so many things I love - langugage, history, culture, politics, soccer and romance.

I honestly don't have a lot to complain about, except for the one thing I already mentioned earlier. The secrecy. In a way, I understood John perfectly. His family, his backround, his duties. I GOT it. There is no easy solution when family, love and politics collide in such an extreme way. On the other hand, I got frustrated so much with him after a while. Because we both knew where this was headed. We both understood perfectly what he was doing wrong, when he should have acted differently, when he crossed the line from not saying anything to actively deceiving Fergus. But he did it all anyway and drove me up the walls. Therefore, the resulting conflict was too predictable for me, even though the actual solution was a little unusual, if not frustrating in its own way.

All in all, I was very impressed with this book. Avery Cockburn managed to write a complex, yet not too angsty or heavy book about two young men, soccer players at that, who not only found love but also a way to come together despite some very serious and difficult issues. Considering my small niggles here and there, I'll give it 4.5 stars and a recommendation for everyone. Yes, everyone. Just be prepared for some things that might not fit your idea of an "average british romance".

3.5 stars rounded up to four because I liked the writing so much

This one was a little difficult for me. I've been looking forward to this one for a long time. And in a way, I wasn't disappointed. The writing was really, really good. I loved the voice, I felt so much for Brandon and I could have read about his inner musings all day long. I actually did.

I also really enjoyed the whole part about fanfictions and the world of fandoms. It was funny, it was entertaining and in some aspects it was dead on. It's not everyday that you laugh about something so hard that was actually part of your own life at some point. Overall, I was thoroughly entertained, grinned and laughed a lot, and had a lot of fun with Brandon's very own way of describing, acting and retorting. Loved it.

And I was very happy with his character development. His struggle with his religious upbringing was heartbreaking to read, but in a very good way. I think it's important that stories like these exist. No matter how often you tell yourself that it doesn't matter what your family thinks and that you're entitled to live your own life exactly the way you want to, in the end it's all just BS. It takes an unbelievable amount of time, and PAIN, to get over your very own family rejecting you - no matter what the reason behind it. I'm not even sure you really can get completely over it. It gets better, but you know what they say about opening wounds and inner scars and all that. What made it so good for me to read Brandon's story was the fact that he knew, he just KNEW in his head that what his church was preaching was wrong. He didn't believe in it, not really. But he doubted a lot. And had an even harder time standing up for himself AFTER his coming out than many others have who are rejected completely by their family the minute the word "gay" is on the table. I'm not saying they have it easier, far from it. But I do believe that it's harder to break out of a hurtful situation and finding your own way outside of your family valueas and beliefs, when on the other hand, you somehow feel your family members' affection and concern - no matter how twisted - shine through here and there. Brandon's struggle with who he wanted to be, who he was supposed to be, and most of all, how to react to a family that wouldn't accept him completely but "tried" to love him anyway, was wonderfully done and I loved every minute. I might have wished for more of his "F*** You, I am who I am and you are supposed to love me unconditioanlly no matter what!"; but in the end that just wasn't him and that's all there is to it.

Now on to my problem with the story. It was a great CoA-YA story. It delt with religion and family and church respectfully and in a very real way. Nothing was just black and white, nobody was completely good or bad - not at home, not in the fandoms, not even the drunks and assholes from the TV show. Even the side characters were three-dimensional, very well crafted and real.

But the romance? I'm sorry, but this book would have been better without the romance in it. Why? Because I couldn't feel the connection between Abel and Brandon. They were great friends, best friends even, and their Bromance was actually kind of sweet. But as a couple? Nah, I just couldn't see it. That had nothing to do with the sex happening off page. I couldn't care less. Sure, seeing some of the intimacy in bed can be part of a good romance, but it doesn't have to be. Good sex doesn't make the story, and it sure doesn't break it when it isn't explicit. But even before that, even when it was just about kissing and touching, or "having a crush", it didn't work for me. I didn't feel a thing, except maybe amusement about their friendship. I thought the fights might save it, because you know, I'm a sucker for emotional explosions and word-vomiting and hurt feelings and good apologies. But that, too, fell flat for me. Again, everything worked as a nice Bromance, just not as a love story. The ending was very sweet, but I still couldn't buy it. Maybe because I never really connected to Abel in the first place.

So I liked the book, just not the romance in it. Which is kind of bad when you're reading a romance. But, whatever. I liked it, I understand why people love it, it just wasn't a real hit for me.