I received a copy from Penguin's First to Read.

I didn't actually like the last book I read by this particular author, the writing was beautiful but the characters were abysmal excuses for people. I have a weird fascination with cults. So I figured I'd give this one another shot, I had some points available over on Penguin's First Reads programme so I was able to secure a review copy of this book. As it turned out, it was one of the most nonsensical weird things I've read in a long time, yet I just couldn't put it down, and I kind of loved it.

I didn’t actually like any of the characters, though there was something compelling about the writing and the plot, even if at the same time there was an underline tension and something quite uncomfortable that I couldn’t put my finger on.

The novel tells the story of Arman, an LA teen who is taken in by an enigmatic older man, Beau, who runs some sort “social wellness” camp (reading immediately to me – some sort of hippie cult). Beau is very soft spoken, and just seems to understand Arman in a way no one else does. Arman is passive to the point of pathetic. He has a crappy home life, equally passive sounding mom, step dad who’s a drug dealer, real dad in prison. Arman has all sorts of social disorders – ADHD, GAD, GERD to name a few, is constantly popping pills, he has some sort of anxiety disorder. I get the impression he could be very intelligent, just doesn’t really make any effort to be. He seems to be resigned to getting through the day as best he can. He makes very little conversation with the other people travelling to this cult. It’s understandable, but even when people try to talk to him he hardly says anything.

The novel starts with the Arman on the bus with others heading off to this camp. He knows two of the people from school, Kira and Dale. You also get an uncomfortable vibe that Arman is getting some sort of special attention from Beau when he makes an appearance fairly early on. Arman isn’t hurried into the group social activities nearly as much as the others. He seems to be allowed to go at his own pace.

He has a weird connection with the female cook on arriving, there’s nothing remotely romantic about it, a physical connection that just seems to happen for Arman when the cook’s around. The cook turns out to be quite an interesting character. As the other characters are introduced into the cult setting, it starts getting weirder and weirder. At one point, Arman decides enough is enough, it’s not for him and tries to leave.

After that is when the novel hits the crazy sauce and the narrative becomes really bizarre. Something bad happens and Arman races to get help, but when he does, and tries to take others to the scene of the incident, there’s nothing there. It goes on from there and as Arman gets involved deeper and deeper the novel becomes more and more confusing. Is this really happening? Did anything happen? Is he being set up for something?

Though in spite of the weirdness and confusion and unlikeable strangeness of the place and the people involved, it was in a way, very compelling. Once I sort of got used to Arman’s tone, even though I can’t say I particularly liked him much, there was something understandable about him that made me want him to be okay throughout when things got fucked up and strange. Bottom line with this guy is after all, he’s just trying to find somewhere to fit in and this “social wellness” thing is supposed to help. (The whole cult dynamic and ideals are all explained). It doesn’t.

It’s a quick read, but not a light one. It is in parts at least for this reader, uncomfortable. But I did kind of love the strangeness of it all.

I was immediately drawn into the story. Kuehn kept me guessing right up until the final page. Arman suffers from anxiety, self loathing and a host of other issues when he meets Beau. Beau is a father figure to Arman, who offers him a chance to change and grow. To become a new person. Arman journeys with Beau, and a couple of other kids he knows from school, to a retreat in the mountains of California. Not long after they arrive, things begin to fall apart. Beau goes missing and Arman no longer knows what is real or who to trust.

Arman's character was believable. I sympathized with him and felt his pain and anxiety. Kuehn's writing was gripping. I couldn't put the book down. I just had to know how it ended. This book will definitely mess with your mind. I admit, once I finished this story I was still a bit lost. I had to go back and reread many of the passages and attempt to put the pieces together. The vague ending left me with a few questions and a lingering feeling that I may have missed something important.

I'm very curious to hear what others think of this book and the insights that they glean from it. I enjoyed Kuehn's writing style and I fully intend to check out more of her work.

Thank you Penguin Random House and the First to Read program for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.  

-SW