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Search tags: 7-heaving-bosoms
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review 2017-11-20 22:13
The Nine Lives of Christmas ★★☆☆☆
The Nine Lives of Christmas - Sheila Roberts

The premise for this story sounded adorable, and this really could have been a fun, light read. I can absolutely see this being made as a Hallmark movie. As both a Romance and as a Christmas story, it failed for me, though, and I don’t see any other reason for reading this book. As a Romance, it was full of those tired old tropes that are the worst representation of the genre, and the internal logic just didn’t hold up. Shy, sweet heroine who thinks she’s plain, even though she only needs new clothes and makeup to become a total hottie? Check! Handsome, hypermasculine hero who has been so hurt by women in the past that he’s a commitment-phobe who only dates unmarriageable women, but is secretly a sweet teddy-bear who only needs the Right Girl to teach him the value of True Love? Check! Slutty mean beautiful rich girlfriend to serve as the villainess to keep our lovebirds apart? Check!

 

I just couldn’t like either of our protagonists. The heroine is far too passive and so lacking in common sense logic that I just can’t buy that she’s smart enough to have been admitted to vet school. The hero literally only thinks of adult women as either “good-timing bimbos” or “nice girls you take to the altar”. Throughout the entire book, he only thinks of them with regards to what they can do for him, either sexually or as support systems.

 

 As a Christmas story, I suppose the message is about family togetherness? Because he’s forced by circumstances and basic common decency 

to take in his mother and stepsisters, so he has to finally listen when she talks to him, and forgives her?

(spoiler show)

Really, this is just set at Christmas time, so has the trappings of the season.

 

Audiobook, borrowed from my public library, with a very good performance by Kathleen McInerney. I read this for The 16 Tasks of the Festive Season square 2: Guy Fawkes Night: Any book about the English monarchy (any genre), political treason, political thrillers, or where fire is a major theme, or fire is on the cover. There is a fire in the fireplace on the cover art.

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text 2017-11-15 14:27
The Nine Lives of Christmas - 100%
The Nine Lives of Christmas - Sheila Roberts

Ugh. Full review later. 

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review 2017-10-14 19:55
The Haunting of Maddy Clare ★★★★☆
The Haunting of Maddy Clare - Simone St. James,Pamela Garelick

This could have been a much better book with a 75% reduction in Romance. And I do mean Romance with a capital R. Including the tortured Hero and shy, plain, Heroine who doesn’t realize that she’s actually pretty and despairs over having a great big jiggly bosom when 1920’s fashion is cut for boobless figures. Because what man would find big boobs attractive?!?

 

Still, the ghost story and murder mystery stuff were good enough to overcome all that. If I gave half-stars on ratings this would be 3 ½ so I rounded up to 4 stars.

 

Audiobook via Audible, with performance by Pamela Garelick, who did a great job on pacing and voicing the characters. Not sure how she did on the sex scenes, I FFed through those.

 

Thanks to Murder by Death for the book/author rec. This is the second Simone St. James book I’ve read, since you rec’d this book to me, and I have a third (An Inquiry Into Love and Death) on my TBR.

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review 2017-09-24 02:13
Beyond Heaving Bosoms Mini-Review/reaction
Beyond Heaving Bosoms: The Smart Bitches' Guide to Romance Novels - Candy Tan,Sarah Wendell

I'd been wanting to read BHB for a long time now as I'm a fan of the Smart Bitches Trashy Books website and especially the podcast (SPTB). It absolutely met my expectations: snarky observations, hilarious critique, and a deep love for the romance genre. It was so funny. I'm working on ways to add "humperate" to my vocabulary.

 

The book feels like an in-depth conversation with a good friend who loves romance. It's honest, at times painfully so, especially when discussing the problematic history of the genre. I loved the discussion of old school covers--that even the weather was tempestuous.

 

Highly Recommend.

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review 2017-07-07 02:27
Don’t Look Down ★★☆☆☆
Don't Look Down - Bob Mayer,Jennifer Crusie

This degenerated from silly but cute to just plain old stupid. The plot is an unnecessarily convoluted and nonsensical plot that somehow injects

terrorists and mobsters and FBI and CIA and money laundering and stolen ancient artifacts

(spoiler show)

into a Romance. Maybe it’s being purposefully meta, since that’s apparently what’s happened to the hot mess of a movie that our heroine has been hired to finish.

 

This heroine and her hero, ugh. She knows the guy for all of three days, and hasn’t even slept with him, thinks he doesn’t even have any romantic or sexual interest in her at all, but she’s considering moving herself and her family from NY & LA, respectively, to a swamp in Florida so he can be a part of her life. Then she just literally walks into a swamp in the dark in hopes of finding him so she can have sex with him. And she does! And they do! And it’s awesome! No bugs or anything.

 

I think it was at this point that I got so frustrated with this story, and cared so little about the characters or what happened to them, that it took real willpower to power on to the end rather than DNFing. I got through it by cheering on the alligator.

 

Hardcover version. I read this for the 2017 Booklikes-opoly square Cars Land 18: Read a book that was published in 2006, 2011, 2013, or 2014, the years of Cars and its sequels, or that has a car on the cover. This book was published in 2006.

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