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review 2016-03-02 12:57
Children's Review: The Big Blueberry Barf-Off (Rotten School #1)
The Big Blueberry Barf-Off! - R.L. Stine,Trip Park

So we finished a Goosebumps book by this author and as I was looking around in the library I noticed this book. When I noticed it was by R.L. Stine I was surprised as I didn't know he made a series called Rotten School. K seemed to really enjoy this book as we are introduced to Rotten School, and some of the characters in it. Just so you know the names are not normal names like James and Sally. No it is more like Beast and April-May-June weird names but they go perfect with the story.  One of them is Bernie B. He is always scheming and when he notices that Sherman from the Nyce House has a cool new watch he will stop at nothing to get it. 

There was one part of the book that of course dealt with the blueberry pies and K was going "oh that is gross oh no" just over and over I knew then he was enjoying the book and the world that this author created. 

The chapters are short and the pictures that are within the story are pretty funny which I think will keep the kids entertained with reading. 

Now the story isn't haha clean funny but  more haha gross funny which with K being a boy he liked it.

I do plan on getting book two and seeing if K will enjoy that one as well. 

I will say this book may be for 7 years old and up but that just depends on your child and you. 

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review 2014-01-31 03:24
Review: Take A Writing Class
Midnight Fire (Rise of the Dark Angel, #1) - Melody Anne

This is the first time I have ever given up on a book at 10%. But yup. DNF at 10%. I couldn't go a page farther.


The Characters:

The main girl's name is Phoenix Light. No, I'm not making that up. She's a regular girl from regular suburbia, but her parents named her Phoenix effing Light. She spaces out frequently, writes a ton in a notebook and has some sort of knack for finding herbs in the woods. Whatever.


We also have Josiah, which is God. And Vyco, which is Satan. Neither of these guys, although in several scenes, are ever given a description. We have pages and pages of them speaking to one another, leaning on their hips, nodding. All kinds of crap. But never once are we told what they look like. Dafuq?


The only person who is ever described, (because not even Phoenix gets a little detail) is some guy named Brian. And here's what we're treated to as his introduction:


"All the girls were in love with Brian and he seemed to eat up the attention. Brian was eighteen, a few inches above six feet tall, with a thick, athletic build that most guys his age couldn't possibly achieve. His dark brown hair had a natural wave to it, and his smoky blue eyes completed his look of perfection like the cherry on top of a delicious milk shake. He was devastatingly handsome."



We have absolutely NO idea what anyone looks like except this Adonis! WTF? How can I possibly picture any of this without some sort of hint. At least a hair color! Eye color! Something!


The Plot:

Fuck if I know. I couldn't get far enough into it to find out. From what I gathered in the many vague, detail-less convos between Josiah and Vyco, Josiah made Earth from different races all over the planet to prove they could all coexist. Well, that worked out well, didn't it?



Vyco points out how humans will always choose darkness over light, and that without Josiah's constant intervention, Earth would fall into ruin and humans would kill each other off. The Devil says that by interfering, Josiah is actually messing with his own law of Free Will. So somehow, God agrees to give the Devil ten years of keeping his hands off Earth to prove his precious humans will be good little lambs and not turn evil. If Josiah's people stay good, Vyco has to leave and go to some other world. If Earth erupts evil flames (which we can all figure it will) Vyco wins, Josiah leaves and Vyco gets to do his happy dance all over his new ruined planet.


God agrees to this shit, people!


As far as anything past that, the plot picks up 3 years later. People are living in a cave in the mountains because there are "enemies" out there killing and shooting and being generally poor neighbors. That's as much as I got. Phoenix is one of those cave-dwellers, and her parents are part of the elders that built this haven. From what little she talks about them, they sound like crazy Montana Survivalists with a "Second Coming" fetish.


The Writing:

Here is where I take issue, people! O-M-G.....


"They'd been living in a cave deep in the recesses of the forest for three years and sometimes the only thing that gave Phoenix a mediocre of sanity was her books and writing her own story."


I don't think that means what you think it means, honey. I even had my Kindle give me the full definition just to be sure.



"Phoenix absolutely hated Jessica Smith, who was always so perfect and delicate. She literally hung on Brian like he held the moon in his hands."


I hate people who can't use that word properly! I think my head will literally explode if people don't get their shit together.



"Their camp had grown over the years as more people wandered through the forest looking for sanctuary, stumbling upon one of the guards who'd escort them to our cave once they were determined not to be a threat."



Do I need to continue? Really. It's full of missing commas, poor poor editing, and such a lack of world-building it might have been happening on the fucking moon for all I know! Rooms, people, clothing, NOTHING is described.


Except our dear beautiful Narcissus, Brian, that is. He got quite a description.


I love stories of angels and demons. Of Heaven and Hell. I always have. Being born in the Bible Belt, I've never questioned the existence of my Maker, and I love to read other interpretations of God and Satan. But they have to be decent interpretations. For all I know, this story could be amazing. But I can't get past the horrible LACK of everything that it takes to actually make a novel. When they say they're "fixing a leaking pipe", they seriously say "John came over and finished his task". Er....What was he doing? When they ran to the herb garden, where were they running? Uphill? Downhill? For ten effing miles? WHERE?! And when they picked those herbs, we got nothing about what they were picking, why or even HOW they picked them. They just "went about their chore".


I guess I shouldn't expect much from a freebie, but seriously, this was on the top downloads for weeks. Geez, people, wake up! Stop shoveling down this horribly written fodder and demand more quality in your reading. At least hire fucking editors if you can't do the shit yourself.


And take a writing class!





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