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text 2022-08-29 10:25
Some of the Dos and Don'ts of Dating an Older Man



Many people think it is uncommon for women to date an older man, but it is not that rare. But there is a certain combination of being experienced and providing that sense of stability that women find very attractive in older men. 

If you are in a similar situation and unsure how to navigate such a relationship, you should learn the few essential dos and don'ts. Many external factors may influence your relationship or make it more challenging to progress. Here is the important list to follow. 

The Dos of Dating an Older Man

  • Discuss what dating means to both of you – when you start things up with someone older than you by some 10-15 years, you both need to have absolute clarity about what you want to achieve in this relationship. For example, if you are in your 20s, you may consider someone dating for the experience. But will you let it become more serious in the long run? You need to discuss it to be on the same page, honestly. 

  • Learn from him – if there is one thing older men bring to the table in the relationship that no one else can, it has to be experienced. Keep an open mind at all times and learn from him. 

  • Relish your youth – don't feel guilty about being young when you are dating someone older than you. Youth is a gift that you should not skip. So when he doesn't feel like hiking, you should not cancel plans. In other words, the difference in your age should not become one of its major drawbacks if you don't let it. 

  • Do you want to pursue deep emotional intimacy with an older man? You need to be able to answer this question as you progress in your relationship affirmatively. Fine-tune your feelings – as the relationship goes on, you should keep in touch with your feelings. 

The Don'ts of Dating an Older Man

  • Don't insist on what he does not want – if you are both in for something casual and you become invested at some point, you should not push him into something he is not ready to invest in. You should be honest with him about his feelings and consider major factors like emotional baggage from his past and more clarity on his age, which can impact his decision to be with you. 

  • Don't lose your character and individuality – wise nature is probably one of the qualities that attract a young woman to an older man. But while it feels nice having a partner who can advise you along the way, you have to be mindful of him taking over your life. Speak your mind and stand up for yourself when you feel strongly about something. 

  • Don't pester him for the company – it is essential to do things together that you both enjoy. However, you should pester him about the things that are only interesting to you but do not sit well with him or are too demanding. Perhaps he may not be as inclined to do a pub crawl till the morning, but maybe he is more than happy to make a road trip. 

  • Don't assume he is feeling a certain way – regardless of how your relationship has started, you should not assume how he is feeling. If you ever think there is some ambiguity, you should have a discussion. Keep all channels open and have frank conversations about important matters. 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

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text 2022-07-28 07:11
Five Essential Rules of Dating that Everyone Should Remember

 

 

Dating can be intimidating, especially if you have been trying your best with a minimal positive outcome. This may have to do with many different reasons, from low self-confidence to fear and anxiety of just putting yourself out there and accepting vulnerability with some stranger. Whether you want to find a casual fling or a more long-term relationship, you will do well to consider some of the best advice from dating coaches and experts: 

  • You have to put yourself out there – meeting new people can be a bit stressful, but it is something you have to overcome. Otherwise, you will be unable to meet new people and potential date partners. The more you put yourself out there, the more likely you will meet a person you feel attracted to. If you are not a fan of dating apps, you can try to arrange something with your friends, who can introduce you to someone new. If you feel like scoping the scene at your favourite places bumps your chances of finding someone you share some interests with. For instance, if you are into yoga or dancing classes, you can find a person in that class and establish a connection with them. 

  • You need to keep an open mind – one of the most important rules of dating is to keep an open mind. Even if you are sure you have a certain type of partner that you would like to have, you should consider that such beliefs are probably keeping you from meeting someone new. And just because someone has a different interest or taste than you doesn’t mean you should write them off instantly. You are giving someone a chance can lead to a great story. 

  • Always stay safe – keeping an open mind doesn’t mean throwing safety in the bush. Your top priority should be to feel safe and comfortable around your date. You should not sacrifice any of that just to come off as polite. And if you want to feel comfortable, you can suggest a place for your date where you feel comfortable. 

  • Go at your own pace – whenever you are dating somebody new, you should move the relationship at a pace you are okay with. This means you should not abide by any unwritten rules of how often to see a person, how often to text them and when to commit. Search inside how you feel about spending time with them, and then work from there. If you enjoy their company and they enjoy yours, you can make arrangements to see each other more often and take it one step at a time. Don’t rush into a relationship because you felt an initial spark of attraction. Similarly, you should not feel pressured by the other person to move things forward if you are not feeling like it. This should be a giant red flag to watch out for. 

  • Forming meaningful connections requires patience – you should stop beating yourself down if you cannot find a good date or form a connection. This cannot happen overnight. So instead of rushing into the process, take a step back and see how you can work on yourself to better your chances. It is in your best interest to take things slowly anyway to build on a solid foundation. 

These dating tips improve your chances of finding a person for a relationship. Employ them in your dating life, and you will see they can make a big difference. 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

 

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text 2022-05-27 10:14
What are Some Red Flags to Look out for on a First Date?

 

 

There is always a bit of a risk when it comes to first dates. Maybe the person is not at all what they appeared to be when you texted, or they can outright ghost you. But you need to take a chance, to advance to a more meaningful relationship.

However, you should never ignore certain red flags that the other person might be sending. It is one thing to be hopeful and give them the benefit of the doubt. But closing your eyes to the outright bad things about them is not ideal. Here is what you should be mindful of:

  • They are late and don’t tell you – one of the red flags is that you should be mindful of them being late to show up and they have not informed you. Normally, it is okay to be late, but if they don’t tell you about it, then they are not valuing your time. Now, that is hardly a reason to write them off completely. Maybe their phone died, or they have lost signal. But if they just don’t care, you should be careful.

  • They have a control problem – always be on the lookout for signs of a big ego and a controlling nature. Controlling tendencies could show up as early as the first date, when they jokingly order something from the menu for you, without even asking about your opinion. This could be a way of testing your boundaries.

  • They don’t stay present – if they are always on their phone, or they are always on the lookout to see who else is there, they aren’t present. If they don’t explain why they are on the phone or have their attention divided, you should consider it a red flag. They should devote attention to you and your persona, instead of anything else that can wait and is not urgent.

  • They are rude to waiters and staff – if your first impression of them is that they are rude to the staff of the restaurant you are in, think about what life with them would be like. If they are not respectful to the person doing their job, they may not be respectful of you as well. Remember that people always put their best foot forward, so if rudeness shows then, it is a huge red flag.

  • They are overly romantic – a little bit of romance can be a very nice addition to a first date. It can make you feel special. However, if they go overboard with it, then it is not a good sign. Showering you with affection, compliments and gifts could be nothing more than love-bombing, which aims to make you feel secure so that they can later start taking advantage of you.

  • They are way too eager to move the date fast – some people can try to overwhelm you on the first date. That is when you need to pay the most attention. Listen to your gut feeling on whether things are advancing normally or way too fast.

  • They talk about their ex a lot – it is okay to mention an ex-partner, but there is a limit to how much you can discuss the matter. If the person is obsessively bringing their ex, it could be an indication that they are not over them or that they have not overcome the past bitterness. It is especially worrying if they always blamed their ex. 

Paying more attention to such red flags is not only important but mandatory if you don’t want to have problems down the road.

 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

 

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text 2021-11-23 03:59
Why are you Pushing People Away and How to Stop?

 

Have you ever experienced a situation where you think you are growing closer to your partner, before suddenly acting in what seems calculated ways to push them away? There is a greater emotional and physical distance between you, less interest in each other’s needs, tense communication and sometimes even unkind words. 

There is a lot of hurt and confusion that can come in this sort of relationship dynamic, especially when one side deems it to be progressing nicely. If you feel like you are shutting down when a relationship builds up to a more serious phase, you should know that change is possible. However, it is important to consider the reasons why it happens before anything else: 

  • Fear of intimacy – pushing people away is one of the ways of avoiding intimacy. This is a common mechanism of defence for people who have the fear of being hurt in a relationship. If you have a past relationship that hurt you, the consequences can manifest in many ways, among which worries about repeat rejection in the same manner. Your subconscious might hide such fears, even if you think you have healed. They will come over in the form of an instinct to protect yourself from rejection. And even if the actions happen on a more unconscious level, the result is the same – you drive your partner away, for the sake of self-preservation and avoiding intimacy. 

  • Attachment problems – attachment style of avoidance can also play a role in pushing people away. This theory has to do with one’s early years of life. If your primary caregiver/parent was not emotionally close during your childhood, you may acquire an avoidant attachment style. This is characterized by suppressed needs for intimacy and closeness, as you have learned to be self-sufficient from a young age. You cannot stand when a relationship gets too intense. 

  • Low self-confidence and self-esteem – people who are not confident in themselves and struggle with low self-esteem are also prone to pushing others away. Perhaps you think that you will let them down, or that they don’t like you that much, or that they will leave you for someone better later on. You think yourself not good enough for them and so you push them away instead of working on a relationship. Many people who have bigger issues with self-confidence think that they don’t even deserve a healthy relationship, even though that is never true. 

  • Trust issues – if you have been betrayed in a previous relationship, it is common that you will have trust issues. If someone cheated on you, you may have a hard time repairing your broken trust. This can cause a lot of bumps down the road of any relationship, in which partners don’t invest extra efforts to convince each other of their true feelings and intentions. 

So how do you change all that and let people in your life? 

  • Start slow – if you wish to build a close relationship, you should never rush things. Evaluate the real issues stopping you from achieving that and work on them with your partner. 

  • Talk about it all – good communication is the most important pillar of any relationship. And while it may seem scary discussing such problems with your partner, it is the only way to make progress with your relationship with them. 

  • It is a balancing act – if you are too eager to prevent the impulse of pushing others away, you could end up in the other extreme of becoming too needy and not respecting your partner’s boundaries. You have to strive for balance and interdependence – to support each other, without depending on them entirely. 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

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text 2021-07-28 06:22
6 Helpful Tips for People Dating in their 50s

 

 

If you are among the people who believe that it is never too late to date another person again, then you are in luck. The reality of things is that even people in their 50s can find pleasure in seeing other people again. There is much less drama going on in their lives, and they have their priorities straight. There is no need to feel any intimidation or stress when it comes to dating at a later age because it is fully possible to do it in a way that nets you that special someone. Here are a few useful tips in that regard: 

  • Try a dating site – you may feel reluctant to give online dating a go, but it is one of the most easily accessible ways to meet new people. It is especially helpful for people in their 50s since it links mature men and women together without them investing all that much effort. You can easily get a tailored service at one of the websites that offer such. You can discreetly browse the profiles of other people looking to date in their 50s and connect to them with the click of a button. 

  • Adopt a hobby – taking up a new activity in your 50s may not be your goal, but you should do it. Not only can learning new skills boost your wellbeing, but also save you from some mental illnesses later in life. It is also great from a dating perspective because it gives you yet another chance to connect to people in a fun and relaxed environment. Some of the common hobbies that people in their 50s are particularly likely to enjoy include cooking classes, choirs, book groups or learning a new language/instrument. Picking up a new activity with a social aspect is a sure win! 

  • Open up to friends and family – people in their 50s often feel more self-conscious when it comes to dating. In that situation, it is important to have the good support of friends and family members, who can encourage the pursuit of a new romantic relationship. For people who have children, it is important, to be honest about the big things happening in one’s life. 

  • Physical exercise – one more tip for the over-50s dating is to physical exercise. There are many activities that people at that age can do, such as swimming, yoga, walking. Exercising is well-known to boost confidence, as well as energy and wellbeing. It can help with any insecurities that an individual in their 50s may have. It is also good for boosting sexual performance. Activity clubs and exercise classes are also a great way to meet new people and one more opportunity to meet a like-minded person. 

  • Going on a solo holiday – being in your 50s comes with certain benefits, such as having freedom and financial independence. You can always try having an adventure and going for a solo holiday. You can plan what you want to see, move at your own pace and make connections with people you wouldn’t otherwise when travelling with others. A lot of travel operators even offer trips for people in their 50s, which guarantee you will travel with people your age. 

  • Learn to say ‘yes’ – being more adventurous is what dating in one’s 50s is all about. Breaking out of the daily routines established by that age can be very difficult to do. However, embarking on a new relationship demands changes. Going with the flow and saying ‘yes’ ensures new opportunities that would otherwise be more difficult to achieve. 

Dating in your 50s is not all that impossible, as long as you adopt these clever tips and set your mind to it. 


© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

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