Many people think it is uncommon for women to date an older man, but it is not that rare. But there is a certain combination of being experienced and providing that sense of stability that women find very attractive in older men. 

If you are in a similar situation and unsure how to navigate such a relationship, you should learn the few essential dos and don'ts. Many external factors may influence your relationship or make it more challenging to progress. Here is the important list to follow. 

The Dos of Dating an Older Man

• Discuss what dating means to both of you – when you start things up with someone older than you by some 10-15 years, you both need to have absolute clarity about what you want to achieve in this relationship. For example, if you are in your 20s, you may consider someone dating for the experience. But will you let it become more serious in the long run? You need to discuss it to be on the same page, honestly. 
  
  
• Learn from him – if there is one thing older men bring to the table in the relationship that no one else can, it has to be experienced. Keep an open mind at all times and learn from him. 
  
  
• Relish your youth – don't feel guilty about being young when you are dating someone older than you. Youth is a gift that you should not skip. So when he doesn't feel like hiking, you should not cancel plans. In other words, the difference in your age should not become one of its major drawbacks if you don't let it. 
  
  
• Do you want to pursue deep emotional intimacy with an older man? You need to be able to answer this question as you progress in your relationship affirmatively. Fine-tune your feelings – as the relationship goes on, you should keep in touch with your feelings. 
  
  

The Don'ts of Dating an Older Man

• Don't insist on what he does not want – if you are both in for something casual and you become invested at some point, you should not push him into something he is not ready to invest in. You should be honest with him about his feelings and consider major factors like emotional baggage from his past and more clarity on his age, which can impact his decision to be with you. 
  
  
• Don't lose your character and individuality – wise nature is probably one of the qualities that attract a young woman to an older man. But while it feels nice having a partner who can advise you along the way, you have to be mindful of him taking over your life. Speak your mind and stand up for yourself when you feel strongly about something. 
  
  
• Don't pester him for the company – it is essential to do things together that you both enjoy. However, you should pester him about the things that are only interesting to you but do not sit well with him or are too demanding. Perhaps he may not be as inclined to do a pub crawl till the morning, but maybe he is more than happy to make a road trip. 
  
  
• Don't assume he is feeling a certain way – regardless of how your relationship has started, you should not assume how he is feeling. If you ever think there is some ambiguity, you should have a discussion. Keep all channels open and have frank conversations about important matters. 
  
  

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

Dating can be intimidating, especially if you have been trying your best with a minimal positive outcome. This may have to do with many different reasons, from low self-confidence to fear and anxiety of just putting yourself out there and accepting vulnerability with some stranger. Whether you want to find a casual fling or a more long-term relationship, you will do well to consider some of the best advice from dating coaches and experts: 

• You have to put yourself out there – meeting new people can be a bit stressful, but it is something you have to overcome. Otherwise, you will be unable to meet new people and potential date partners. The more you put yourself out there, the more likely you will meet a person you feel attracted to. If you are not a fan of dating apps, you can try to arrange something with your friends, who can introduce you to someone new. If you feel like scoping the scene at your favourite places bumps your chances of finding someone you share some interests with. For instance, if you are into yoga or dancing classes, you can find a person in that class and establish a connection with them. 
  
  
• You need to keep an open mind – one of the most important rules of dating is to keep an open mind. Even if you are sure you have a certain type of partner that you would like to have, you should consider that such beliefs are probably keeping you from meeting someone new. And just because someone has a different interest or taste than you doesn’t mean you should write them off instantly. You are giving someone a chance can lead to a great story. 
  
  
• Always stay safe – keeping an open mind doesn’t mean throwing safety in the bush. Your top priority should be to feel safe and comfortable around your date. You should not sacrifice any of that just to come off as polite. And if you want to feel comfortable, you can suggest a place for your date where you feel comfortable. 
  
  
• Go at your own pace – whenever you are dating somebody new, you should move the relationship at a pace you are okay with. This means you should not abide by any unwritten rules of how often to see a person, how often to text them and when to commit. Search inside how you feel about spending time with them, and then work from there. If you enjoy their company and they enjoy yours, you can make arrangements to see each other more often and take it one step at a time. Don’t rush into a relationship because you felt an initial spark of attraction. Similarly, you should not feel pressured by the other person to move things forward if you are not feeling like it. This should be a giant red flag to watch out for. 
  
  
• Forming meaningful connections requires patience – you should stop beating yourself down if you cannot find a good date or form a connection. This cannot happen overnight. So instead of rushing into the process, take a step back and see how you can work on yourself to better your chances. It is in your best interest to take things slowly anyway to build on a solid foundation. 
  
  

These dating tips improve your chances of finding a person for a relationship. Employ them in your dating life, and you will see they can make a big difference. 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

Many people don’t like the idea of dating a partner who is 10+ years younger/older than them. But sometimes attraction just happens and a relationship is built upon a large age gap. There are certainly ways to make it work, according to many relationship coaches. Let’s find out some of them: 

• Accepting differences – everyone is different and unique – is what makes humans so fascinating. Being diverse and knowing that there is no one else out there like you are important. But it is also important to not get so caught up in differences because that can cause problems in relationships. This is especially the case in a relationship where partners have a big age gap. You should not be focused on changing anyone, but rather to bridge your differences and come closer together. 
  
  
• Agree to disagree – perhaps one of the most important things partners with big age differences should learn is to agree to disagree. Because they are of different generations, their views on a lot of aspects of life will be different. It is important to not focus on those disagreements, but instead to move forward despite them. Partners should openly discuss their opinions and be more open-minded toward their views. There is no reason not to be able to negotiate and accept the differences with a level of appreciation of each other’s views. 
  
  
• Crack up with a sense of humour – when you are in a relationship with a big age gap, you should always retain a certain sense of humour. Now and then someone you know will be asking whether the person you are with is your mom/dad. If you don’t assume a position of just brushing it off, you will question yourself. If you are in a good relationship and you know it, you should use it to strengthen your love even further. 
  
  
• Assurance to one another is important – in a relationship with a big age gap, both partners can feel insecure sometimes. One partner can worry that the other will lean towards something more within their age group, and this goes both ways. Again, partners should focus on what brings them together and why they chose each other in the first place. Reassuring each other is what glues the relationship together. 
  
  
• You will be at different places in life at times – with a big age difference and a long-term relationship, both of you will be at different places in your life. For example, when one is already thinking about retirement, the other’s career could just have taken off. This leads to different lifestyles and you both need to accept it. You have to be understanding toward one another, as these transitions happen. You need to be ready for them and communicate clearly where each of you stands on the matter. 
  
  
• Embrace the advantages of the age gap – who is to say that there are only negatives to work around in a relationship with a big age gap? Having a mature partner means you will never have to wonder about whether he is ready to commit or just leading you on. Besides, having a person with more life experience by your side is always a big plus. He can help you out of a difficult spot in life, or just provide what people of younger age cannot. 
  
  

Couples with a big age gap can make things work nicely for them. They just need to remember to communicate with openness and embrace their differences, to allow their connection to thrive. 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

Text messages are without a doubt a fantastic tool to keep in touch with people you are dating. You can communicate with ease with the press of a button, get to know each other, and share interesting conversations. But there is such a thing as texting too much and it is something you have to be aware of. 

If you ever allow your texting to get out of hand, it has the potential to do you a lot of harm. For starters, it will change the way the other person thinks about you in a bad way. Instead of being interesting, they will view your texting as bothersome and can begin to shy away from this sort of contact. Following are a few of the red flags that you might be texting too much: 

• There is an imbalance in your text conversations
  If you take an objective look at your conversations and notice that pretty much every message comes from you, that is a clear sign you are texting too much. Have a look at your portion of the text. If it is more than what the other side has to say, then maybe they are much less interested in such exchange. Maybe they are busy, maybe they are bored, or maybe they just cannot or do not want to keep up. Whatever the case may be, this is a clear sign that you are texting more than is warranted and that you should tone it down. The best conversations over text happen when both sides have an equal amount to share. 
  
  
• You have come to expect constant access to other people
  If you are constantly on your phone and you can reply to their text messages almost instantly, you might think it is only normal for them to do the same. However, you need to understand people have their own lives and things to take care of apart from texting back. You should give them enough leeway and check your expectations. If you are feeling impatient when the other person doesn’t reply within a few minutes but instead takes a few hours, you know it is a good idea to put the phone down. The very fact that you are on it all the time might be giving you a wrong idea about the etiquette of texting, which you could be breaking. 
  
  
• You don’t let conversations fade naturally
  Allowing conversations to die off naturally is a normal part of a text conversation. If, however, you give in to temptation and try to keep it going for as long as possible, you might be giving the other person a wrong impression. At some point in the conversation, it becomes clear that neither side has anything substantial to add. That is when it needs to fade away and continue another day. Don’t continue to text them when that moment comes. 
  
  
• You don’t text to connect, but because of boredom
  Many people check their social media or watch videos on YouTube when they are bored. And others are into texting. And while it can be healthy to pursue such a desire for human connection, you best not be doing it just because you are bored and want to kill some time. A genuine text conversation is one that both sides exchange information they want to hear about, not one that they use as a form of entertainment when they are bored. Carefully assess when you are texting and don’t do it out of boredom. 
  
  

Knowing when you are texting too much can help you on the way of finding more meaningful communication. Be on the lookout for these warning signs that you are texting too much and correct your ways. 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

Have you ever experienced a situation where you think you are growing closer to your partner, before suddenly acting in what seems calculated ways to push them away? There is a greater emotional and physical distance between you, less interest in each other’s needs, tense communication and sometimes even unkind words. 

There is a lot of hurt and confusion that can come in this sort of relationship dynamic, especially when one side deems it to be progressing nicely. If you feel like you are shutting down when a relationship builds up to a more serious phase, you should know that change is possible. However, it is important to consider the reasons why it happens before anything else: 

• Fear of intimacy – pushing people away is one of the ways of avoiding intimacy. This is a common mechanism of defence for people who have the fear of being hurt in a relationship. If you have a past relationship that hurt you, the consequences can manifest in many ways, among which worries about repeat rejection in the same manner. Your subconscious might hide such fears, even if you think you have healed. They will come over in the form of an instinct to protect yourself from rejection. And even if the actions happen on a more unconscious level, the result is the same – you drive your partner away, for the sake of self-preservation and avoiding intimacy. 
  
  
• Attachment problems – attachment style of avoidance can also play a role in pushing people away. This theory has to do with one’s early years of life. If your primary caregiver/parent was not emotionally close during your childhood, you may acquire an avoidant attachment style. This is characterized by suppressed needs for intimacy and closeness, as you have learned to be self-sufficient from a young age. You cannot stand when a relationship gets too intense. 
  
  
• Low self-confidence and self-esteem – people who are not confident in themselves and struggle with low self-esteem are also prone to pushing others away. Perhaps you think that you will let them down, or that they don’t like you that much, or that they will leave you for someone better later on. You think yourself not good enough for them and so you push them away instead of working on a relationship. Many people who have bigger issues with self-confidence think that they don’t even deserve a healthy relationship, even though that is never true. 
  
  
• Trust issues – if you have been betrayed in a previous relationship, it is common that you will have trust issues. If someone cheated on you, you may have a hard time repairing your broken trust. This can cause a lot of bumps down the road of any relationship, in which partners don’t invest extra efforts to convince each other of their true feelings and intentions. 
  
  

So how do you change all that and let people in your life? 

• Start slow – if you wish to build a close relationship, you should never rush things. Evaluate the real issues stopping you from achieving that and work on them with your partner. 
  
  
• Talk about it all – good communication is the most important pillar of any relationship. And while it may seem scary discussing such problems with your partner, it is the only way to make progress with your relationship with them. 
  
  
• It is a balancing act – if you are too eager to prevent the impulse of pushing others away, you could end up in the other extreme of becoming too needy and not respecting your partner’s boundaries. You have to strive for balance and interdependence – to support each other, without depending on them entirely. 
  
  

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach