When you are investing heavily in a relationship with someone who does not reciprocate back, it can feel horrible. All of your affection and kindness are falling on deaf ears. And it can be even worse if it is a repeat pattern you go through repeatedly. 

The reality is that while it is not a good pattern to deal with, it is possible to overcome it. The issue comes from insecurity, a desire for validation (which rarely comes) and a general lack of self-esteem. If that feels like you, then read on for a few strategies to overcome this pattern: 

• Identify the signs early on – if you have been in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person, you know just how draining it can be due to the other person. At first, it may feel like they are mysterious and deep, which can only increase that feeling of attraction towards them. But soon enough, it just turns out they are closed off and detached. It is important to work towards a solid relationship with someone who can show a range of emotions immediately. If you notice the signs of unavailability early on, it is best to move on and spare yourself the heartache. 
  
  
• Be honest about why you fall for the same type – if you find yourself dating the same heartbreaker, again and again, you need to slow down and self-reflect. It is fine if you have had bad luck once, but if it repeats, it is a pattern that needs some help. Perhaps a little consultation with a therapist or a coach can greatly help. 
  
  
• Don’t fall for false hope – often, people get hurt because of false hope. You should steer clear of people who text a lot but never initiate plans. That is when someone they are interested in texts a lot and initiates some form of connection, but without ever planning a date or seeing the other. This is a great way to develop false hopes that a relationship can happen. 
  
  
• Insist on identifying your relationship after a certain period. If you are dating an emotionally unavailable person, you may feel like they are stringing you along for a long period. You should be alert if they are keen on dating you but don’t want to call it a relationship. It is understandable if they don’t want to use labels initially. But if they don’t call the relationship label after an extended period, maybe they are just not interested in making things official anytime soon, if ever. 
  
  
• You should not feel like their saviour – while you may be eager to help someone, it should not be your job. You need to ask yourself what you are getting out of a relationship with someone who cannot commit. If you feel like you are there to rescue them, to show them that people are worth caring for, you are only wasting your efforts. Instead, you should be focused on dating someone who will appreciate your work. 
  
  
• Work on your sense of self – if you have self-esteem issues, you should work on yourself and develop confidence. How you feel about yourself reflects the relationship you will be in and the dating life you will lead. When you are ready and confident to meet a partner who will commit, you will never settle for anyone else.
  
  

These strategies make you more prepared to face the challenge of falling for emotionally unavailable partners and avoid this reality altogether. 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

Many people think it is uncommon for women to date an older man, but it is not that rare. But there is a certain combination of being experienced and providing that sense of stability that women find very attractive in older men. 

If you are in a similar situation and unsure how to navigate such a relationship, you should learn the few essential dos and don'ts. Many external factors may influence your relationship or make it more challenging to progress. Here is the important list to follow. 

The Dos of Dating an Older Man

• Discuss what dating means to both of you – when you start things up with someone older than you by some 10-15 years, you both need to have absolute clarity about what you want to achieve in this relationship. For example, if you are in your 20s, you may consider someone dating for the experience. But will you let it become more serious in the long run? You need to discuss it to be on the same page, honestly. 
  
  
• Learn from him – if there is one thing older men bring to the table in the relationship that no one else can, it has to be experienced. Keep an open mind at all times and learn from him. 
  
  
• Relish your youth – don't feel guilty about being young when you are dating someone older than you. Youth is a gift that you should not skip. So when he doesn't feel like hiking, you should not cancel plans. In other words, the difference in your age should not become one of its major drawbacks if you don't let it. 
  
  
• Do you want to pursue deep emotional intimacy with an older man? You need to be able to answer this question as you progress in your relationship affirmatively. Fine-tune your feelings – as the relationship goes on, you should keep in touch with your feelings. 
  
  

The Don'ts of Dating an Older Man

• Don't insist on what he does not want – if you are both in for something casual and you become invested at some point, you should not push him into something he is not ready to invest in. You should be honest with him about his feelings and consider major factors like emotional baggage from his past and more clarity on his age, which can impact his decision to be with you. 
  
  
• Don't lose your character and individuality – wise nature is probably one of the qualities that attract a young woman to an older man. But while it feels nice having a partner who can advise you along the way, you have to be mindful of him taking over your life. Speak your mind and stand up for yourself when you feel strongly about something. 
  
  
• Don't pester him for the company – it is essential to do things together that you both enjoy. However, you should pester him about the things that are only interesting to you but do not sit well with him or are too demanding. Perhaps he may not be as inclined to do a pub crawl till the morning, but maybe he is more than happy to make a road trip. 
  
  
• Don't assume he is feeling a certain way – regardless of how your relationship has started, you should not assume how he is feeling. If you ever think there is some ambiguity, you should have a discussion. Keep all channels open and have frank conversations about important matters. 
  
  

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

Dating can be intimidating, especially if you have been trying your best with a minimal positive outcome. This may have to do with many different reasons, from low self-confidence to fear and anxiety of just putting yourself out there and accepting vulnerability with some stranger. Whether you want to find a casual fling or a more long-term relationship, you will do well to consider some of the best advice from dating coaches and experts: 

• You have to put yourself out there – meeting new people can be a bit stressful, but it is something you have to overcome. Otherwise, you will be unable to meet new people and potential date partners. The more you put yourself out there, the more likely you will meet a person you feel attracted to. If you are not a fan of dating apps, you can try to arrange something with your friends, who can introduce you to someone new. If you feel like scoping the scene at your favourite places bumps your chances of finding someone you share some interests with. For instance, if you are into yoga or dancing classes, you can find a person in that class and establish a connection with them. 
  
  
• You need to keep an open mind – one of the most important rules of dating is to keep an open mind. Even if you are sure you have a certain type of partner that you would like to have, you should consider that such beliefs are probably keeping you from meeting someone new. And just because someone has a different interest or taste than you doesn’t mean you should write them off instantly. You are giving someone a chance can lead to a great story. 
  
  
• Always stay safe – keeping an open mind doesn’t mean throwing safety in the bush. Your top priority should be to feel safe and comfortable around your date. You should not sacrifice any of that just to come off as polite. And if you want to feel comfortable, you can suggest a place for your date where you feel comfortable. 
  
  
• Go at your own pace – whenever you are dating somebody new, you should move the relationship at a pace you are okay with. This means you should not abide by any unwritten rules of how often to see a person, how often to text them and when to commit. Search inside how you feel about spending time with them, and then work from there. If you enjoy their company and they enjoy yours, you can make arrangements to see each other more often and take it one step at a time. Don’t rush into a relationship because you felt an initial spark of attraction. Similarly, you should not feel pressured by the other person to move things forward if you are not feeling like it. This should be a giant red flag to watch out for. 
  
  
• Forming meaningful connections requires patience – you should stop beating yourself down if you cannot find a good date or form a connection. This cannot happen overnight. So instead of rushing into the process, take a step back and see how you can work on yourself to better your chances. It is in your best interest to take things slowly anyway to build on a solid foundation. 
  
  

These dating tips improve your chances of finding a person for a relationship. Employ them in your dating life, and you will see they can make a big difference. 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

There is always a bit of a risk when it comes to first dates. Maybe the person is not at all what they appeared to be when you texted, or they can outright ghost you. But you need to take a chance, to advance to a more meaningful relationship.

However, you should never ignore certain red flags that the other person might be sending. It is one thing to be hopeful and give them the benefit of the doubt. But closing your eyes to the outright bad things about them is not ideal. Here is what you should be mindful of:

• They are late and don’t tell you – one of the red flags is that you should be mindful of them being late to show up and they have not informed you. Normally, it is okay to be late, but if they don’t tell you about it, then they are not valuing your time. Now, that is hardly a reason to write them off completely. Maybe their phone died, or they have lost signal. But if they just don’t care, you should be careful.
  
  
• They have a control problem – always be on the lookout for signs of a big ego and a controlling nature. Controlling tendencies could show up as early as the first date, when they jokingly order something from the menu for you, without even asking about your opinion. This could be a way of testing your boundaries.
  
  
• They don’t stay present – if they are always on their phone, or they are always on the lookout to see who else is there, they aren’t present. If they don’t explain why they are on the phone or have their attention divided, you should consider it a red flag. They should devote attention to you and your persona, instead of anything else that can wait and is not urgent.
  
  
• They are rude to waiters and staff – if your first impression of them is that they are rude to the staff of the restaurant you are in, think about what life with them would be like. If they are not respectful to the person doing their job, they may not be respectful of you as well. Remember that people always put their best foot forward, so if rudeness shows then, it is a huge red flag.
  
  
• They are overly romantic – a little bit of romance can be a very nice addition to a first date. It can make you feel special. However, if they go overboard with it, then it is not a good sign. Showering you with affection, compliments and gifts could be nothing more than love-bombing, which aims to make you feel secure so that they can later start taking advantage of you.
  
  
• They are way too eager to move the date fast – some people can try to overwhelm you on the first date. That is when you need to pay the most attention. Listen to your gut feeling on whether things are advancing normally or way too fast.
  
  
• They talk about their ex a lot – it is okay to mention an ex-partner, but there is a limit to how much you can discuss the matter. If the person is obsessively bringing their ex, it could be an indication that they are not over them or that they have not overcome the past bitterness. It is especially worrying if they always blamed their ex. 

Paying more attention to such red flags is not only important but mandatory if you don’t want to have problems down the road.

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

Many people don’t like the idea of dating a partner who is 10+ years younger/older than them. But sometimes attraction just happens and a relationship is built upon a large age gap. There are certainly ways to make it work, according to many relationship coaches. Let’s find out some of them: 

• Accepting differences – everyone is different and unique – is what makes humans so fascinating. Being diverse and knowing that there is no one else out there like you are important. But it is also important to not get so caught up in differences because that can cause problems in relationships. This is especially the case in a relationship where partners have a big age gap. You should not be focused on changing anyone, but rather to bridge your differences and come closer together. 
  
  
• Agree to disagree – perhaps one of the most important things partners with big age differences should learn is to agree to disagree. Because they are of different generations, their views on a lot of aspects of life will be different. It is important to not focus on those disagreements, but instead to move forward despite them. Partners should openly discuss their opinions and be more open-minded toward their views. There is no reason not to be able to negotiate and accept the differences with a level of appreciation of each other’s views. 
  
  
• Crack up with a sense of humour – when you are in a relationship with a big age gap, you should always retain a certain sense of humour. Now and then someone you know will be asking whether the person you are with is your mom/dad. If you don’t assume a position of just brushing it off, you will question yourself. If you are in a good relationship and you know it, you should use it to strengthen your love even further. 
  
  
• Assurance to one another is important – in a relationship with a big age gap, both partners can feel insecure sometimes. One partner can worry that the other will lean towards something more within their age group, and this goes both ways. Again, partners should focus on what brings them together and why they chose each other in the first place. Reassuring each other is what glues the relationship together. 
  
  
• You will be at different places in life at times – with a big age difference and a long-term relationship, both of you will be at different places in your life. For example, when one is already thinking about retirement, the other’s career could just have taken off. This leads to different lifestyles and you both need to accept it. You have to be understanding toward one another, as these transitions happen. You need to be ready for them and communicate clearly where each of you stands on the matter. 
  
  
• Embrace the advantages of the age gap – who is to say that there are only negatives to work around in a relationship with a big age gap? Having a mature partner means you will never have to wonder about whether he is ready to commit or just leading you on. Besides, having a person with more life experience by your side is always a big plus. He can help you out of a difficult spot in life, or just provide what people of younger age cannot. 
  
  

Couples with a big age gap can make things work nicely for them. They just need to remember to communicate with openness and embrace their differences, to allow their connection to thrive. 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach