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review 2017-07-10 21:28
Kink: A Tale of Extreme Horror - The Barns Brothers,Crowley Barns

Cassie and Rich have been texting for a few days, and now it’s time to meet.
No commitments, no strings. Just one afternoon of rough, and kinky fun.
She has a very detailed fantasy, and she knew Rich was the guy to fulfill her every dark, twisted, and violent desire.

HOW WRONG COULD IT GO?

Her text told him to arrive at 4:15.
Not 4:14. Not 4:16. Exactly 4:15.
All of her instructions were very… precise, (read: anal). But, you gotta love a girl who knows what she wants! Playing the aggressor in a violent fantasy with a smokin’ hot, older woman sounds freakin’ HOT – Rich just hopes he can immerse himself into her fantasy completely.

How can one compulsively planned & timed afternoon go to $hit so fast? How did things get so terribly, darkly, and disturbingly fv<ked up?

Never give one person your complete trust. Ever.

description

Check out my full review and join the 'KINK' discussionHERE.

shortlink: http://wp.me/p37DRX-1MO

 

Reading 'KINK' reminded me of this, and makes me laugh. Heartily.  - https://youtu.be/p5hFSdSOdhc

Source: wp.me/p37DRX-1MO
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review 2016-04-11 23:06
Into The Dim
Into the Dim - Janet B. Taylor

*DNF 330 PAGES* (I had less than 100 pages left. That's right.)

 

Honestly, were it not for the ire I had for the maligning of a historical figure, I would have probably enjoyed this quite a bit. Not because it was that good, but the writing was engaging and it was pretty fun, with a kinda Timeline (movie) vibe going for it. However...

My biggest issue was what the author decided to do with Thomas a Beckett. She made him out to be the most vile slimy, greedy, Jew-hating, nun-slapping monster. That was really bad and made me quite upset, but the final straw that made me not only a little bit sick but wanting to throw the book out the window ala Pat in Silver Linings Playbook leading to a rage-quit is when he hands over a Jewish girl to some lecherous creep and condones him raping her.

 

What.

 

The.

 

*blaring horn covers loud swearing*

 

No. Like, what un-Godly version of history is this??? Maybe, maybe, if there was an author note saying "hey, I totally changed a bunch of historical figures and here's why I decided to go that direction in my alternate history" but THERE ISN'T THAT HERE.

 

 

To add insult to injury, Eleanor is practically worshiped as this bad-ass wonderful queen who went shirtless at a battle and wow, that's so amazing and she is the golden role model for girls and guys and everyone.

 

Ugh.

 

Beyond that, Hope is a super special snowflake, but while I didn't overly care for her, that actually didn't bother me a whole lot until she lost any likability once they went to back to the past and her inner Eleanor fan-girl came out. The two characters I actually liked the most were Phoebe and her techie boyfriend Doug. They were both cute as a couple and likable on their own. Didn't care much at all for "Crayola eyes" (I am not even kidding) Raisin Bran,

who I nearly immediately called as being not only A. from the rival time-traveling gang but also B. Celia's son. I mean, seriously, as soon as the rival gang was mentioned, I guessed it.

(spoiler show)

 

The time travel aspect was kinda fun to read about, and at least tried to be buy-able, what with ley lines and Tesla's inventions and whatnot. However, I had to disappointed with how our characters acted in the past. They try (though not really) to avoid using modern language, and while I understand why the author did not actually have their dialogue in Old English, what I found frustrating is how often they A. slipped up and B. (infinitely more frustrating) it was treated like it was still normal for the time period.

Exhibit A.

"No way," I whispered incredulously, forgetting my medieval speech for a moment."



Okay, fine. Except that she has been using contractions left, right, up, and down this WHOLE time.

Uggggggh. This could have been so much more, or the very least, a passably fun ride, but the issues were too big to ignore. Actually, it was decent until they went back to the past, and then everything pretty much went to heck.

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review 2016-03-01 18:29
The Last Of The Firedrakes
The Last of the Firedrakes (The Avalonia Chronicles, #1) - Farah Oomerbhoy

**An copy of this book was provided by the publisher via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review**

How? HOW does this have such high ratings and favorable reviews? 'Cos this was so bad, you guys. Oh, I should have DNFed. There's an hour of my life I won't be getting back.

It started out, not promising perhaps, but not totally terrible, in a generic fantasy story marginally better written than if written by an average 12 year old sort-of way. And it continued in this vein for the next 350 pages or so, with the addition of about a bajillion hackneyed cliches, an honest to goodness Pixie Hollow (with accompanying names eg. Penelope Plumpleberry), and a terribad romance. Let's look at the story, noting some of the cliches, shall we??

(Okay, not all of this will be totally 100% chronological. I'm only human. And I was speed reading.)

Aurora, an orphan, lives with her horrid adoptive aunt and uncle and cousin. Her uncle sells her to some baddie, who takes Aurora to a magical land, where Aurora discovers she is not only royalty but has inherited both of her parent's powers; she is both a mage AND an immortal fey, the combination of which is practically unheard of. She is also literally the most powerful fey-mage since the bestest and most awesomeest fey-mage whose names escapes me but basically he was super important and powerful. Her aunt wants her dead so she can take over the throne with absolutely no competition from the true heir. (But the "true heir" was in an entirely different fricking WORLD before the aunt brought her to Avalonia.) She falls into Insta!love (she actually refers to him as the love of her life, and her soul mate *gag*) with the Black Wolf, a dashing tall dark and handsome dude who runs around the kingdom doing who knows what but he's got this big huge reputation and he is actually the crown prince in disguise (I didn't see that coming AT ALL) and a total smarmy ass-hat. Aurora can talk with Pegasi, and she has one named Snow, and every scene with those two was dripping in awful saccharine pretty princess Pegasus power hour writing. Aurora is sent to a magical boarding school to learn how to control her powers, and where she encounters an Avalonian version of Draco Malfoy named Damien Blackwater, if memory serves, who blathers on about his pure "bloodline", is a general twat, and whose family is secretly in cohoots with Morgana. (At which point, I was jabbing at the Ipad screen at the rate of probably 20 pages a minute, just scanning the pages, because I was pretty confident there was nothing worth reading past that.) Aurora moons over Rafe, and they make out a bit but it never seems like it comes from any place of actual affection and it's written TERRIBLY. (This, and what was going on plot wise, had started to induce groaning and facepalming.) And then I think we are learning more about this special book of Abraxis that Morgana wants so she can control Dragoth (who is a demon?? I forget) but there are four keys you need to open the book, and she only has one. And then Aurora is an idiot (see below) and opens a portal (to hell?????) and lets Lilith (...like....that Lilith???) into Avalonia, and I don't know, Lilith is gonna use Morgana as a host body, because her wraith form will dissipate or she's weak in wraith form, or something like that. And that's mostly the end.

Aurora is also incredibly stupid. She's on the run from people who want to kill her, but instead of trying to get to someone who can help her, she begs to stay in Pixie Hollow (or whatever it was called) to sightsee the fairy market. Which gets raided by the Shadow Guard and she gets captured. Aurora also decides NOT to tell on one of the girls at the boarding school who let the Shadow Guard in, and is basically a big fat traitor, because.....that would be...tattling??? Oh gosh, there were so many instances of her stupidity, but here's another goodie. Aurora is told that bringing Snow back to life would be "dark magic" aka VERY VERY HELLA BAD DON'T DO IT and she fricking does it, because she neeeeeds Snow back. Well, guess what, Aurora? I hope you're happy that you using dark magic opened a hell portal.

(spoiler show)



Anyways, up till the last 60 pages or so, it was pretty darn bad, but it would have probably gotten two stars, because it was basically just a poorly written generic fantasy amalgamation of tropes and tween dreams when you'd daydream in your backyard about secretly being magical royalty. It wasn't something I would ever recommend, but as a wee girl with very few standards I might have even enjoyed it. Until Aurora and Rafe's gag-o-matic tripe of a "romance" was two-sided, and the plot went completely haywire.

Also worth mentioning is that this reads VERY middle grade, from plot to characters to the writing style, but then some bits felt more like they belonged in a YA? I think maybe this is one of those weird little books that was meant and marketed as YA but comes off as extremely childish and MG.

Thank goodness it's finally over.

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review 2015-07-09 05:58
The Fangirl's Guide to the Galaxy: A Handbook for Girl Geeks
The Fangirl's Guide to the Galaxy: A Lexicon of Life Hacks for the Modern Lady Geek - Sam Maggs

2 stars pretty much solely for the paragraph on Star Wars, all the times Stargate was mentioned, and the Enchanted Forest Chronicles recommendation.

First off, who is exactly is this written for? It claims to be written for "girl geeks" but the sad truth is that, aside from a few references and comments you'd need to be in the know to get,this offers practically zero information that geeks, or human beings in general, wouldn't already know.

At this point, is there anyone who considers themselves to be a girl geek who doesn't know what Potterheads are?? I doubt it. Or who doesn't know to bring water and cash and comfortable shoes, even if you're cosplaying, to a convention?

And Magg's brand of feminism was too strong for my taste. Not even really feminism, for most of it. Towards the end of the book, she states a general definition of feminism that was spot-on, but it didn't really mesh with the message strewn throughout the book, as the book as a whole tends to put women on a pedestal. Sure, some guys, geeks or otherwise, are bound to be jerks, but some girls, geeks or otherwise, are bitchy. We aren't these amazing incredible paragons of humanity. We shouldn't need to be told we're beautiful to be validated. And we certainty don't need to nay-say males in an attempt to prove our equality superiority.

Her section on internet trolls was at the same time absolutely true and utterly laughable. I read the first few entries and then skipped over the rest. We had a Fire Troll and a Frost Troll and approximately 7 other ridiculously named versions of trolls, some of which were legitimate trolls that she nailed and some that really weren't. One of such trolls was someone that will comment about grammar. The horror.

Additionally, this is one of the most politically correct books to ever PC. I can't even. And remember: "You don't need to identify as female to read this book!!" That's really good, because I identify as hedgehog. *eye roll*

It's essentially an mostly boring, and rarely amusing, overly feminist introduction to the world of fandom and internet.

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review 2015-05-12 21:59
Ever After High: Briar Beauty's Story
Ever After High: Briar Beauty's Story - Shannon Hale

Gah, no. After finally reading any part of the Ever After High series, I am so glad that I never tried to read the first book. It is like a tween Valley high girl lives in some strange form of a Barbie world but with, like, fairytales... and stuff*.

*Terrible puns.

Also, this has mostly 5-star ratings?????

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