There are various reasons why couples may seek therapy, but a few of those are extremely common, as we will explain in the following points:

You've Grown Apart

Divorce incidents peak at certain times, with the first wave being around seven years. The second wave of a possible divorce is 21 years after marriage. The second divorce is often connected to growing apart, less about fighting and more about avoidance. After many years of marriage, some couples no longer engage with each other but simply live as roommates.

Couples tend to forget what brought them together in time and why they fell in love. If you've been with someone for many years, you build a life narrative, a history and memories to fall back on, and couples therapy gives you the chance to rekindle the spark.

You Clash about Money

Money has always been an issue for many couples. Still, if you throw in the usual late-in-life worries such as health issues, fewer and fewer years of earning left, not to mention the unstable nature of our world, you have an atmosphere filled with financial friction and stress. Clashes may stem from differences in spending or disagreements on what you need to save for, as well as retirement. There may be the stress of not earning enough or the inequalities in managing your savings. Money tends to evoke strong feelings in people, and an imbalance between both sides of a relationship in terms of spending or earning may spin out of control to the point where the relationship is in danger of falling apart.

Someone has Been Unfaithful.

One of the most common reasons for couples therapy is the attempt to fix a breach of trust by a cheating spouse. Cheating doesn't always mean only physical infidelity; it may mean being secretive and hiding essential things from your spouse. It means reconnecting with an old flame and thinking it's harmless when all of a sudden it becomes more than that. How can one tell they've crossed the line of trust? This is a complex subject, as cheating means something different for everyone. The most important thing is building a shared, agreed-upon level of fidelity in a relationship that works for both sides.

You Have Lots of Hurtful Arguments

We all have various ways of handling conflict, some seeking confrontation while others run away when things get difficult. Some passive-aggressive people find ways to sabotage other's life quietly. Big arguments can often leave a lot of tears and hurt feelings, but frequent small arguments can be just as destructive for your relationship. Couples tend to get into a closed loop of arguing about the same things over and over and over again. With couples therapy, you can find ways to defuse disagreements with respect. Instead of going on the offensive, you can find ways to understand the other side and find a working compromise.

Going Through a Bg Transition

Even if you and your partner are getting along just fine, big changes may put stress on your relationship, becoming a serious problem. Different coping styles can also create friction that spins out of control. Suddenly finding yourself in a difficult situation, such as taking care of an ill parent, can consume a lot of time and effort, which presents many challenges. If your spouse isn't supportive or doesn't understand, then that may lead to resentment. Couples therapy helps find a way to restore the connection you had and to find a compromise.

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The benefits of relationship counselling will depend on the couple looking for help. The more you and your romantic partner happen to put into your relationship, the better your outcome. If you are hoping to change or improve your relationship satisfaction, you should consider a couples therapist and the following benefits you would experience:

Gain a Better Understanding of Your Relationship

One major benefit of going to couples therapy is that you can start to understand your relationship dynamics. Who has the power, are things balanced, and are you falling into negative communication patterns? If you disagree with common points of strife, you should address those. Looking at the answers to the questions and starting to understand the practices behind your relationship will give you a chance to heal your bond and make it stronger.

Getting an Impartial Opinion

Finding good couples therapists means having someone you can confide in and trust. The therapist will listen to what you’re saying and give you impartial, honest and unbiased feedback. Sometimes hearing someone else telling you what you need to hear is a good way to look at your relationship from a more sober perspective. That neutral party can listen to both sides and see ways to give constructive feedback they can’t achieve on their own. This may be a huge part of what makes a difference. If you have any questions, you need to ask, or if you are thinking about making important choices regarding your relationship, you may want to consult a couples therapist first. They can help with long-term outcomes that may result from a hasty decision. They may even give you advice that may save your marriage or relationship, providing solutions you can’t see on your own.

Creating a Safe Environment for You and Your Partner

Often, when we are dealing with conflict with our partner, the feeling of safety and balance is something both sides struggle with. To truly navigate the conflict, both sides must be willing to open up and be vulnerable and honest. That scares most people, so they employ various coping mechanisms like avoidance or humour to shift the blame or dodge responsibility. Couples therapy provides a safe environment where you have set and enforced boundaries and a neutral third party overseeing the process and intervening when needed. 

You Can Begin to See Another Perspective

Couples therapy often allows two people to find a way with each other and see through your partner’s eyes. It’s common to see things only through your own experience, so you may think your feelings are more important than those of your partner. This has nothing to do with selfishness but rather an ingrained human instinct most people follow blindly. If a therapist is involved, they may give you a chance to objectively look through both sides of the disagreement and avoid miscommunication. You can find a practical way to solve your issues now and in the future.

You Can Overcome Relationship Roadblocks

It may be quite common for relationships to go through hurdles where both parts of a whole are dealing with a specific problem. Maybe it’s about whether or not you want to have children or to figure out a major move in your life that you need to agree upon. It may be the act of purchasing a home together. Whatever the reason, you and your partner are arguing about a certain topic, and you feel you’re not getting anywhere. In these cases, therapy may give you a hand when you most need it. 

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You should go for a therapist visit when you’re not in any real crisis yet. This is of course rarely the case, since you are far more likely to look for help when you’re neck-deep in trouble. Since we’re all busy in our daily lives, good help is hard to schedule.

You should at the very least consider the possibility of therapy when your relationship is ailing. More couples should reach out for therapy before a catastrophic problem is encountered. Couples counselling is a great resource to fall back on if you’re going through a hard time. You can find strength in it, finding a safer way forward with your relationship, or providing ongoing support to resolve whatever issues are holding you back.

Couples going through counselling can find it prevents things from deteriorating. If you and your partner are going through it, you will be in a much better position to resolve your issues going forward. This will happen without being at each other’s throats. You won’t have the added pressure of having to find a therapist in a hurry, and you won’t have to worry about finding one that clicks with you. 

How Do You Find a Therapist?

This may be one of the hardest things to do. You should dedicate some time, specifically a couple of weeks or even months and see at least a few different ones to get a sense of things. Before you start, you should talk to your partner about it, as this is something that affects both of you. You need to figure out the kind of therapist they’re looking for, as well as factors you both find important going forward. You need to synchronise things so your schedules won’t clash with the sessions.

You should ask around and see about getting a referral if you can. See if your friends don’t know anyone they are happy with. You can ask a trusted medical professional, like your primary care physician or your OB/GYN. If you’ve ever been in individual therapy, you can simply ask your therapist about recommending someone who handles couples.

You can look up websites like Psychology Today, where most therapists will pay for listings, and it may also give you a chance to narrow down the search based on language, gender, speciality, location and more. Depending on where you live, you may have a local association of therapists working online that you can contact. Even if a therapist doesn’t exactly have a massive presence online, that doesn’t mean they’re bad at their job. Sometimes they get more than enough business through simple word-of-mouth and are plenty busy without having to advertise or even make their website.

You Should Keep an Open Mind

You should have a mental checklist of what you’re looking for in a therapist, but you should also allow yourself a chance to think outside of that. You don’t know what it will feel like to be in the room with your significant other and the therapist before you’re there. Both of you need to feel comfortable and respected in that professional environment for things to work.

Common Couples Therapies

Many counsellors are trained in various ways of therapy and will adapt your treatment based on your situation. The three most commonly established ones are the Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and the Imago Relationship Therapy. There are other nuances, sometimes even hypnosis may be used, specific types of sex therapy and more, but those three are the most commonly used. 

©Zoe Clews & Associates

It

Couples coaching involves coaching sessions for a couple, where a therapist will work with both partners to address certain concerns that are preventing true joy and fulfilment in the relationship. This sort of counselling works well regardless of how long the relationship has been going on. Every couple experiences difficulties at one point or another in their relationship and it is important to remember that couples coaching can help them overcome that. 

All about couples coaching 

The goal of this form of coaching is to help individuals set their expectations and desires about a relationship straight. More than that, it helps them make all of that happen. By the end of a couples coaching course, the couple should have a clear understanding of what is difficult in their life together and what their goals should be. The coach will actively work with both partners to develop working solutions. 

 should be pointed out that couples coaching also works on an individual level. It is based on the idea that when a person is feeling fulfilled on their own, they can bring that healthy motivation into a relationship and seek to make it better. That is what people coming to couples coaching sessions have in common – they know they want to make their relationships better and they are not quite sure whether they need to look for improvement in themselves or their partners. 

Difference between counselling and coaching

Couples counselling is all about providing a non-judgmental space for couples to discuss their issues and reveal their emotional wounds. For example, it can help a couple work on restoring trust after a case of infidelity. The goal is to fix an issue that has happened to them and find the best way to move forward. 

Coaching can be similar in that it also provides a non-judgmental space for discussion, but the therapy itself is more action-oriented. There is much less unpacking the past that takes place and more about focusing on what the future goals should be. In that sense, couples coaching is more focused on the present and the future, and not so much on the past. 

Depending on what you want to achieve, you will be able to choose your kind of support wisely. If you think unresolved problems from the past are hindering you, then seek out couples counselling. If you want to change the present problems you have with your partner, then couples coaching might be right. 

What do couples coaching help with? 

Coaching is quite versatile and can aid in many areas of your life. These areas are identified by the couple in the couple’s coaching. It could be before or during sessions. Here are a few examples of areas to work on: 

• Clarity around obstacles – understanding what stands in your way is always the first step. Relationships don’t often make it easy to know what the problem is. Couples coaching can uncover the real issues and set the tone for working on them. 
  
  
• Better communication – another important aspect of couples coaching lies with improving communication between partners. After all, communication is at the heart of any relationship. If it becomes a stumbling block, then something is wrong. 
  
  
• Aligning visions and values for the future – as people enter a relationship, they bring different values and visions for the future. If they aren’t aligned, that is potential for conflict, which can be remedied with couples coaching. During it, couples can identify their core values and outline the future they want to build upon. 
  
  
• Build mutual understanding – this can be a major problem in long-term relationships. Sometimes partners feel like the other is taking them for granted and need to work on ways to build more appreciation towards one another. 
  
  

© Zoe Clews & Associates

Couples and individuals alike seek the aid of a sexual therapist for different purposes. Women and men alike encounter different forms of sexual dysfunction and it is by seeing a sex therapist that they can largely positively affect them. This kind of therapy has been proven to be so good not just for such problems, but also for addressing bored and attraction-related issues. 

More and more people are recognising the benefits of working with experts on this matter. Thus, finding the right person for the task is the way to go. With such an intimate topic, you need to be able to work with a person you are most comfortable with and who has the required expertise to help you out. 

• Consider your reasons for needing sex therapy – there is a lot that goes into the field of sex therapy. It encompasses issues from desire, to physical problems that you might be experiencing. A good sex therapist should have a good clinical experience, but it doesn’t hurt for you to ask if they have dealt with people with similar issues. That is why it is so important for you to decide on the exact issues you want such therapy to address. So ask yourself what you want to achieve and what sort of therapy you want to accept. Bear in mind that it is very likely you will get certain homework exercises, such as communication, or reading educational materials. You have to be ready to discuss your most intimate topics with a therapist, as well as your partner. 
  
  
• Consider the experience and credentials of the therapist – this was touched upon the previous point, but it is important enough that it needs to be mentioned separately. For your therapist to be a reliable source of help, they should an MD, or PhD and then have done a sufficient number of hours in sexuality training. After all, you want the therapist to be able to consider all of the problems that might be present with their client. There are different dimensions the sexual therapist needs to be able to view the issues from – a psychological one, a physiological, a relational one and sometimes even a cultural one. 
  
  
• Consider several options – there are many ways in which you can find a sex therapist. You can check out professional organisations, or perhaps seek referrals from your doctor and friends. Many online resources allow you to browse a database and pick from there. Whatever your sources of finding a therapist are, it is best not to just go with the first option presented. Instead, you should see 2-3 therapists and do an initial consultation with them. Since every person’s issues are highly individual, it may take more than one therapist to know you have finally clicked well and can proceed with the therapy. 
  
  
• Ask about their treatment plan – therapy is usually a dynamic process, which changes as you proceed forward. However, it is important to ask your therapist what their therapy plan is for you and how it is going to go. In part, this has a lot to do with the fact that you will be able to better budget for therapy and monitor your progress. 
  
  
• Check-in with yourself as the therapy goes on – sexual problems are largely intimate in nature. It will only get more comfortable as you progress the treatment. If you don’t feel comfortable, then perhaps your therapist is not the best fit for you and you should seek another expert on the matter. 
  
  

All of these tips should ensure that you make the most of your work with a sexual therapist and overall manage to benefit from them in resolving your problems. 

© Zoe Clews & Associates