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review 2015-04-13 20:35
Review: The Duke of Andelot
The Duke of Andelot (School of Gallantry) - Delilah Marvelle,Jenn LeBlanc

Long before becoming the flamboyant courtesan known to men as Madame de Maitenon, Thérèse Angelique Bouchard, dreamed of becoming an actress capable of commanding not only the stage but all of Paris. Until she meets an extraordinary aristocratic gentleman who sweeps her into his arms and the danger of his life, while offering her the sort of wealth she never imagined. What starts off as a seductive alliance, ends in her giving him the one thing she, as a mere bourgeoisie, cannot afford to give: her love.

After the murder of his older brothers, Gérard Antoine Tolbert, becomes the last heir to the powerful dukedom of Andelot, leaving him to fight for not only his life, but the allegiance he holds for the crown. During the final rise of the French Revolution that whispers of the violent change about to shake the entire country, Gérard meets an aspiring actress who entices him into wanting more out of not only himself but life. In trying to protect her from their overly passionate alliance and those that want him dead, he must decide what matters most: his life or his heart.

 

 

Sadly, as this was an e-book I couldn't do this to the book even though I really, really wanted to for it was absolutely horrible.

I was immediately drawn to it when I heard it took some inspiration from The Scarlet Pimpernel, a book I really liked but The Duke of Andelot doesn't even come close to being that enjoyable.

The Scarlet Pimpernel is a story about a French noblemen who rescues other noblemen from the clutches of the French Revolution. It was also written by a baroness so it is not the most balanced look at a time in which a lot of commoners killed a lot of noblemen. Still, it has some sympathy for the common people and also admits that not all nobles necessarily always acted...noble towards  the lower classes. Compared with the portrayal of nobles and commoners in The Duke of Andelot, it reads like The Communist Manifesto. 

 

With very few exceptions the nobles are all good people and charitable. They always help the poor, pet fluffy kittens and the sun is shining out of their arse...

The exceptions are:

  • Gérard's father. But then he was nicer once but then evil lowlife commoners killed his wife and now he's a broken man and also hates those evil lowlife commoners
  • The random duke who engineered the French Revolution. Yeah, you read that right. The people didn't just start this revolution on their own. He bought all the grain, so the people would revolt, kill all the nobles (except him), then quietly sit down again and let him be king. I am not making this up. How did he think this would work? How did the author think this would work? Probably not at all which is why the Duke is mentioned only twice and the second time is to inform us that he was murdered.
  • The Marquis de Sade. Yeah. He's in the book.

    Don't ask me about that plotline. Let's just say that this man certainly enjoyed pain but certainly not the pain of being in a character in this idiotic book.

 

The commoners meanwhile just don't understand that all nobles are just the bestest people ever and just keep on killing them in gruesome ways. Stupid people. Never let them have any power, they need better people to keep them from doing something silly. 

 

The exception is of course our heroine. Despite being one of 11 children of a butcher she has a proper education for some really contrived reason and is also really sympathetic towards the poor misunderstood nobles. However poor Thérèse has a problem: nobody appreciates her inner values, nobody sees past her stunning beauty and her large boobs

 

 

All men leave her presents like food in the hope that one day she will give them something in return. (Do I have to remind you that we're talking about (pre)revolutionary France here? People had lots of food to spare). Yes only in the hope because Thérèse never would be that kind of woman.

Well until she meets Gérard who can offer a lot more than a few chickens: pearls, diamonds, money in general and a job at the theatre (she wants to be an actress). All that exchange for a bit of sex is quite a good deal so she agrees under the condition that he won't get her pregnant (she wants him to pull out in time). He agrees and remembers that for about 10 minutes...then he's too distracted by her big boobs, unearthly beauty and virginal sex-goddess skills to do that. She is obviously pissed and wants to leave. So he shows his charming side:

"You belong to me now, Thérèse. Me. Because you said yes to me. Do you remember? You said Yes. And in saying yes to me, you are no longer allowed to say no."

Isn't he a romantic?

For some reason that is not Thérèse's reaction. Instead they mope about each other for the rest of the book, more poor nobles get killed by evil commoners, people get tortured for months without any lasting psychological consequences, Thérèse's cycle is so irregular that she can't tell for four months if she's pregnant (also: after hating the idea of herself getting pregnant she's suddenly all about 'BUT WHEN WILL THERE BE BABIES???' when it comes to other women...because breeding is all we're good for) and probably more idiotic things that I have already blocked out again because all you can do after reading this book is consuming massive amounts of brain-bleach.

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review 2014-03-05 17:28
No, this is not middle grade...
The Purple Girl - Audrey Kane,Tory & Norman Taber

    Copy provided by Wakefield & Quincy Press through Netgalley

 

 

I have read some so called "middle grade" fantasy books, that would rightfully put to shame the more "adult oriented" ones.

From the writing, characters and plot, these authors are able to create amazing worlds, and characters that so far, have been able to stay away from ya and adult clichés.

This is not one of those cases.

 

I'll try to make this as concise as possible.

First of all, when i saw the cover, read the title, i honestly thought this would some whimsical little fantasy book about a magical purple girl. 

I was not expecting this to be some sort of profound wake up call to race discrimination issues, as the author may have intended... in a very small (delusional) way. 

The thing is, if this book was destined to open consciousness about racial discrimination?

It just crashed and burn!!

Because our little quirky character meets a young girl about her age who is:

 

 "Afraid of being seen, I turned my back to him and gazed the other way—where I spotted her. A gypsy girl! Just like the picture in my book…

The gypsy looked about my age, maybe a little older. Her long, straight hair was pulled back from her face, and large hoop rings dangled from her earlobes. When she spotted me, she stopped short. She mumbled to herself and waved her bony, ring-covered fingers through the air in a circular motion."

 

Gypsy is a racist word. 

The proper term is: Roma ou Romani

I'm surprised this passed the editing process. Especially in a book that is supposed to alert to racial problems.

Also, resorting to stereotypes regarding the romani characters was just, once again, racist.

What was this??

What's this supposed to "teach" young readers?

 

Regarding the writing, the story is told in a concise lackluster manner. 

There's no world building (England of Long Ago ? That's it?), no character development, nothing. The characters are just flat, relying in a bunch of clichés.

 

There's the baby, who was born purple, and that's it.

"Of course" people are "afraid of her", because she's different....

"Of course" the parents will try to protect her...

And "of course" than when a strange boys climbs the garden walls that confine her world sh falls madly deeply in love..as teens do, with their first love.

O_O

Middle grade or YA, this is the question.

Apparently YA.

 

An errand boy rushed by, carrying a parcel under each arm, the sun kissing his honey-blond hair.

 

His knuckles brushed my hand. I held my breath, but he didn’t notice the lavender tint creep across his knuckles…or he pretended not to. From the corner of my eye, I stole a look at him. His eyes were as clear as blue glass, and although he was thin, his chest was solid and strong and

 

                              THIRTEEN YEARS OLD!!!!!

 

He leaned toward me, as if he might kiss me.

A thirteen year old girl would probably kick his ass! o_O Just saying....

 

 

“Trust me, you’re anything but ordinary,” he said, breaking into his usual smile. “You’re more like a babe in the woods, so unsuspecting—”

Because of course the only way for girls to attract boys is to be considered helpless...
 
And stalking material:
“I spied on you for days, Purple Girl, before we ever met,” he said with a laugh. 
 
“I’m not going to miss you one bit,” I hollered, half-laughing, half-crying, fighting to keep more tears from surfacing. I stepped toward him, so close to him. I wanted to kiss him, to feel his lips against mine.
 
So the boy goes away, and the girl's big quest is to follow him.
Have her heart broken.
Figure out that she's some sort of special snowflake, and basically just save the day!
Very disappointing.
 
Oh, and the two illustrations on the inside?
Well, they just made things ickier, because, just like on the cover, the girl appears to be eight years old...
 
 
 
Buy "The Purple Girl"

 

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text 2013-10-21 00:52
Recommended Reading: Stacia Kane on "Auntie Special Snowflake"

Not new, but if you missed author Stacia Kane's jabs at STGRB and her series of "Auntie Special Snowflake" posts — they are hilarious and well worth the read.  All you readersheep should check 'em out at http://www.staciakane.net/2012/07/24/be-rich-and-famous-the-internet-way/ 

 

 

 

Source: www.staciakane.net/2012/07/24/be-rich-and-famous-the-internet-way
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text 2013-10-14 18:33
Is STGRB celebrating kobo pulling indie authors?

I'm just now seeing that like W.H. Smith, kobo is now also pulling indie books from their website.  Starting with a blog post from http://krazykiwi.booklikes.com/post/613364/kobo-now-pulling-self-pubbed-books-until-further-notice

 

Hurray for bba's and STGRB authors everywhere -- no one will ever bully you again with negative reviews or evil shelf/collection/wishlist names on those sites (and any bookseller or other sites using kobo for ebook distribution/data). You should now all feel safer ... now if you can just get goodreads and the 73 wannabe sites I found to stop allowing indie books or to stop reviewing, shelving and rating you negatively you will have won quite a victory. Yes, you have done the proverbial "throw out the baby with the bath water" and can rest free of any reviewer threats while you bask in your new 1-star ratings that successfully move your books up goodreads feature and search-result lists. I look forward to seeing the screenshots of your celebrations being shared about. You must all be so proud!

 

To the 99.99999% of the other indie authors, I am truly saddened for the opportunities those speshul snowflakes have lost you.

 

two more links to news stories: 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-24519179
http://rogerpacker.com/blog/kobo-in-clean-sweep-after-porn-panic/

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