I gave it to 11% to grab my attention but it didn't happen, my rule is 10%. I could not connect with the MC, her lines were just weird, her behavior was bizarre to me and had me wanting to skim along. The instant attraction and his reaction after the foot stabbing was unbelievable. This is not the book or author for me. Deleted and moving on
(Why is the 'terminator' face smiling? Anyone who's ever watched any of the movies knows that the Terminator is practically incapable of smiling. I'm feeling 'terminator' because this has been a month where I've wished I could terminate editing errors forever.)
This month has been pretty successful in numbers, not particularly successful in enjoyment. I didn't even manage a single five this month and there was more than one DNF as well as a one star (it's even more depressing when I write it out like that). I read 16 books this month, their titles and links to their reviews can be found below (the standouts, for one reason or another are pictured above).
1. Night Tide (Blake Sanders, #2) by Michael Sherer, you can read my review here.
2. Unexpected Gifts (Castle Mountain Lodge, #1) by Elena Aitken, you read my review here.
3. Winter Street (Winter, #1) by Elin Hildebrand, you can read my review here.
4. The Medium (Emily Chambers Spirit Medium Trilogy, #1) by C.J. Archer, you can read my review here.
5. No Such Thing by Edward Lorn, you can read my review here.
6. Desperate Times (Desperate Times, #1) by Nicholas Antinozzi, you can read my review here.
7. Reckless Nights in Rome (Ludlow Hall, #1) by C.C. MacKenzie, you can read my review here.
8. Alice in Wonderland by Elle Lothlorien, you can read my review here.
9. Lip Service (Lone Star Sisters, #2) by Susan Mallery, you can read my review here.
10. In Your Dreams (In Your Dreams, #1) by Amy Martin, you can read my review here.
11. The Naughty Stuff by Ella Dominguez, you can read my review here.
12. My Wildest Fantasy (Older Man Younger Woman Erotica, #1) by Kelli Wolfe, you can read my review here.
13. The Interview (The Hotwife Coach, #1) by Ruby Harper, you can read my review here.
14. The Coyote by Michael McBride, you can read my review here.
15. The Governess Affair (Brothers Sinister, #0.5) by Courtney Milan, you can read my review here.
16. The Viscount's Christmas Temptation (The Dukes of War, #0.5) by Erica Ridley, you can read my review here.
(I was in a bit of a hurry when I posted this on Sunday and so I managed to forget to include the stats for the month that I've decided will be an interesting addition to these monthly posts, which have been getting a bit tired and repetitive over the last few months.)
My reading stats for January
See you all next month (or rather, later this month as it's no longer Jan 31st).
I know, I've gone a bit crazy with the plans, but now that I've got the bug I'm going to plan out as much of my year as I can before I need to get started on my final posts of 2015. I've never planned before, I've always just read what ever caught my eye when it was time to start my next book. But, if I'm going to plan, I'm going to PLAN. If I don't make a regimented plan for myself I might fall back into old ways and find myself at the library with no memory of how I got there. So, this is the full list of books I plan to read in January. Books that fit in the POPSUGAR challenge, as well as others, all read on my Kindle or laptop (for the few remaining books that have that restriction that won't let Calibre change them to Kindle format).
POPSUGAR Challenge Books
1. A Book that's Under 150 Pages - Unexpected Gifts (Castle Mountain Lodge, #1) by Elena Aitken, 146 pages (read from Jan 1-2)
2. A Book Recommended by Someone you Just Met - The Medium (Emily Chambers Spirit Medium Trilogy, #1) by C.J. Archer, 260 pages (read from Jan 2-3)
3. A Science Fiction Novel - Desperate Times (Desperate Times #1) by Nicholas Antinozzi, 395 pages (read from Jan 3-5)
4. A Book a Friend Recommended - No Such Thing by Edward Lorn, 30 pages (read on Jan 5)
Free choice for the rest of the month, as long as they're Kindle editions I already own
5. Alice in Wonderland by Elle Lothlorien, 325 pages (read from Jan 5-7)
6. Reckless Nights in Rome (Ludlow Hall, #1) by C.C. Mackenzie, 238 pages (read from Jan 7-8)
7. Lip Service by Susan Mallery, 419 pages (read from Jan 8-10)
8. In Your Dreams (In Your Dreams, #1) by Amy Martin, 255 pages (read from Jan 10-11)
9. The Coyote by Michael McBride, 271 pages (read from Jan 11-13)
10. Sunset Rising (Sunset Rising, #1) by S.M. McEachern, 330 pages (read from Jan 13-15)
11. The Governess Affair (Brothers Sinister, #0.5) by Courtney Milan, 110 pages (read from Jan 15-16)
12. A Shot in the Bark (Dog Park Mystery, #1) by C.A. Newsome, 203 pages (read from Jan 16-17)
13. Ticket for Terror by Christopher Parks, 327 pages (read from Jan 17-19)
14. Dare to Love (Dare to Love, #1) by Carly Phillips, 292 pages (read from Jan 19-20)
15. Against the Wall (Against the Wall, #1) by Julie Prestsater, 304 pages (read from Jan 20-22)
16. The Viscount's Christmas Temptation (Dukes of War, #1) by Erica Ridley, 180 pages (read from Jan 22-23)
17. Whisper My Secret by J.B. Rowley, 188 pages (read from Jan 23-24)
And if I manage to get all those finished before the end of January, a bonus book
18. The Drought by Steven Scaffardi, 298 pages (read from Jan 24-26ish)
POSSIBLE SPOILERS THROUGHOUT
9/1 - Overall I'm enjoying this, most of the humour seems to work for me, but I am feeling a little touchy about all the Australia bashing that's going on. I am Australian and I've been to Surfer's Paradise, I have no idea what she was talking about when she said that Australian men don't go to pubs and clubs to meet girls, that they go to meet up with their male friends. That's rubbish! Go to a club tonight and you won't see the guys hanging with each other chatting and ignoring the girls, you'll see them doing everything they can to get the girls' attention, buying them drinks if they think they have a chance and generally making a fool of themselves in the pursuit of going home with her.
During the summer I see shark bite victims on the news at least once a week (from somewhere in the country). The biggest, most vicious animal I've been bitten by is a small housecat and that hurt quite a bit, I in no way believe that a person could be bitten by a shark (even a small shark) and not realise it for some minutes, and only then because she passes out due to extreme blood loss rather than the searing pain of having a chunk torn out of her butt. No way in hell. In fact an Italian boy was bitten by a reef shark in knee deep water on the Great Barrier Reef a few days ago. The shark took a chunk out of his calf and the boy was in surgery within an hour of the attack. From the sound of it she would've needed surgery too, not just a few stitches and two days in hospital. If Lothlorien wanted to create a 'damsel in distress' situation she should have gone with a jelly fish sting, which is actually more likely than a shark bite, still seriously painful and requiring of treatment (although not usually a stay in hospital).
Some of the lines that had me cackling after midnight last night
Page 9
'That's when I notice his freckles. They're barely there at all, just a smattering sprinkled across his tanned nose and cheeks, but I feel the last bit of my conversational brilliance (and decorum) slip away. "Freckle juice," I blurt out.
He looks confused. "'Freckle juice?'"
Ho boy. "The, uh...the book?" I clear my throat. "The children's book, Freckle Juice? I thought it was about how to get freckles." I shrug. "Then I read it. It doesn't tell you."'
LOL!!!!
Same page
'"I like your freckles," I say. "I'd like to see what they look like when they're dry. And spread out over a pillow." Oh, my God, I didn't just say that, did I?'
At that point I had to put my Kindle down to hold my stomach while I howled with laughter, also because I wasn't sure I could go on, knowing the amount of embarrassment she was about to endure. But nothing happens, Rabbit doesn't mention that outrageous statement and the conversation continues.
Now for some editing mistakes
Page 11
'I pull the reigns back - hard - on my urge...'
Wrong spelling, should be reins.
Page 42
'...in one way or the other for the last four years...'
The idiom is one way or another, it's even a Blondie song from 1979.
Page 48
'...your friend's next donkament
I had to look that one up, it seems it's a poker term for a game of poker where everyone starts out with the same number of chips and the players play until someone has won them all. To be continued...
10/1 - Page 85
'"Just an endemic species of poisonous spider that likes to make its home on the underside of toilet seats.'"
Umm, only in dirty, stinky outhouses or public toilets that aren't regularly maintained. Those of us sophisticated enough to have indoor plumbing don't feel the need to check under every toilet seat we come across because they just don't get inside that often (huntsman are worse), you're far more likely to find them hiding in your gumboots at the back door or under a pile of tools you haven't used since last summer.
Page 90
'"Forget it, I can't take it seriously," I say [...] He holds up a pink and purple, rectangular-ish, paper-like item that he's referred to repeatedly and determinedly as "an Australian five-dollar bill". The ones in his other hand are even more absurd, with the green and aquamarine one-hundred-dollar bill the worst offender of the bunch. [...]"...I can't take any currency seriously that looks like belongs in a psychedelic-inspired Special Edition Monopoly box."'
Australian notes may be quite colourful but all that colour, and their plastic texture, make it the hardest currency to counterfeit in the world. The colours make them easier to identify when mixed together in your wallet - pink for $5, blue for $10, orange for $20, olive green for $50, blue green for $100, and they're very difficult to damage without a pair of scissors (like most other plastics, they just don't tear).
Page 116
'Souris was right; the "Graffiti Gallery" of Nambucca is pretty great.'
Ohmigod! I think I'm going to faint, that almost sounded like a compliment directed at Australia.
Page 117
'We both watch as the efflux of water from the river pushes the inbound ocean water around a sandbar...'
According to Wikipedia efflux refers to any flux of ions, molecules or other substances from the intracellular space to the extracellular space. In cell biology, molecular biology and related fields, the word extracellular (or sometimes extracellular space) means "outside the cell". This space is usually taken to be outside the plasma membranes, and occupied by fluid. The term is used in contrast to intracellular (inside the cell). See this page for more details on intracellular space https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intrace... and this page for more details on extracellular space https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Extrace.... There's way too much information for me to copy it all down here, suffice to say that using the word efflux to describe the currents of the ocean is like giving the weight of a pinch of salt in lbs. or kilograms, nobody describes it like that (and if they do they just sound like they've spent a lot of time reading the words of the dictionary without taking in the definitions).
Page 135
'Even worse, most stretches of the highway are restricted to 60 kilometres per hour...'
No, no they're not. Has Lothlorien actually travelled on an Australian highway?
Same page
'...which is how fast Americans go when we're, like, passing a stopped school bus disembarking small children...'
I don't think that's anything to be proud of. I did a few calculations based on Wikipedia's statistics for Australia's population/road deaths compared to California's population/road deaths. In 2010 Australia had a population of approx. 21 million and had 1248 deaths on the roads. That's 56 deaths per million people. The same year California had a population of approx. 37.3 million and had 2791 deaths on the road. That's 74 deaths per million people. From those figures it seems to me I'd be better off living in a country that does its best to keep the number of dead people on the roads to a minimum. Generally, my opinion is that if idiots want to speed and kill themselves, then let them. Unfortunately, those idiots usually fail to kill only themselves, they usually take some other innocent driver (or one, or more, of their passengers, or a pedestrian with them).
Page 137
'"It's easier for most players to remember that they have 'fives full of kings' than to remember 'I have three fives and two kings'"'
Really!?! A slight rearrangement of the words is enough for a poker player to go from needing to glance at their cards every 30 seconds to one glance per hand?
Page 145
'...in the relatively quiet hamlet of Manly Bay.
Was there any research done for this book at all? There is no Manly Bay. There are Manly Beach, Manly Vale, North Manly, and plain Manly, but no Manly Bay.
Page 163
'"Benin, Comoros, Vanuatu, Seychelles."
I wrinkle my nose. "Are those even real places?"'
Well that just continues to perpetuate the myth (maybe it's a reality, hopefully not) of the stupid American who knows nothing about anywhere other than their own backyard (at least she's not Australian).
Same page
'"I don't know...does Laos count?"
"Isn't that in Asia somewhere?"
He nods. Next to Vietnam and Thailand."
"Why did they send you there? Do you speak, uh..." I have no idea how to turn the country name into a language, so I just let it hang and wait for him to fill it in.
"French?" He grins. "I thought we already established that."
"French? They speak French in Laos?"
"It's a former French colony, so yeah."
(Straight from Wikipedia) The official and dominant language is Lao, a tonal language of the Tai linguistic group. However, only slightly more than half of the population can speak Lao. The remainder, particularly in rural areas, speak ethnic minority languages. French is still commonly used in government and commerce and over a third of Laos' students are educated through the medium of French with French being compulsory for all other students.
Page 183
'"Okay, so English settlers brought rabbits with them to Australia to breed for food and stuff, right? But they escaped and basically started destroying the country, eating the vegetation, that kind of thing. So by the early 1900s, the government was trying to figure out a way to get rid of all the rabbits. Want to hear what their genius plan was?"
"Sure."
"The rabbit-proof fence."
I raise an eyebrow. "A fence? For rabbits? Don't they dig?"
"Yeah, but they jump too. And the fence was above and below the ground."
"How'd that work out for them?"
"Worked out great for the rabbits. Once they learned how to play badminton and got the hang of tennis on the grass, they couldn't remember how they ever lived without it."'
That bit about the rabbits playing badminton she got from a political satire cartoon on the Wikipedia entry for the rabbit-proof fence that was published in 1887 when the idea of the fence was first announced. It actually worked quite well and is still used to this day to restrict the movement of emus (they eat the crops) and packs of wild dogs (they eat the livestock).
This book is really starting to piss me off and I've had to take a star off due to extreme frustration. It was funny to start with, but now I can't see the funny for all the insults. Australians love to laugh at themselves, but this has become cruel (and mostly untrue) mocking. Most of the information Lothlorien's using to get a few laughs in her book is not real or hasn't been real for some decades (the prevalence of red back spiders under toilet seats, for example). I wondered, above, whether any research on my country had gone into the writing of the book. I'm now sure she did do research, she watched Crocodile Dundee, The Rabbit Proof Fence and Home and Away and did a little Wikipedia-ing like I have to write this review, the only difference is that I'm not selling this review, while she is selling this book. I may DNF this tonight, depends on how close I get to destroying the Kindle just to make the book go away. To be continued...
20/1 - I finished this over a week ago but was too sick to get out of bed and definitely too sick to bother continuing a review of a book that never got any better. I could no longer be bothered with making notes all the way through to the end of the book (too much effort for practically zero reward). The following are the last of what I picked up.
Page 187
'"I still think we should just nape the forests...flush 'em out."'
Is that supposed to be rape? Even if it is, the sentence still doesn't make a lot of sense.
Same page
'...I'm not really sure I understand why this is so funny.'
Neither am I. She's talking about the comment above, about nape...I mean raping the forests. I can't see anything funny in the idea of 'raping' a forest in order to kill a bunch of Koalas, psychopaths might find that funny but not me.
Page 214
'"I was just trying to lighten the mood a little before you starting griping."'
That should be started.
Page 227
'He turns on a lamp, illuming a bedroom...'
Sure, illuming means the same thing as 'illuminating', but why would you choose to use a word that is described by The Free Dictionary.com as 'a poetic word for illuminate' when the more recognised form would fit perfectly? Going out of your way to use Scrabble words when the everyday ones would be just fine always makes me think of an author trying to make themselves (or their book) sound intelligent.
Page 258
'"...to figure out how many calories were in a glass of water Down Under."'
Is that meant to be a joke? There are no calories in water, 'Down Under' or anywhere else!
On page 297 two authority figures show up, a man from the 'New South Wales Gaming Control Authority' (they don't exist, but it wasn't hard to look up and find the real policing body is called the NSW Office of Liquor, Gaming and Racing); and a woman from the 'Australian Police Force' (also not real, also not hard to find out that our national police force is called the Australian Federal Police, but then I suppose it would've taken me a few seconds to use the search engine to find that information and that was probably too much work for this author).
The final indictment on this book was that the last 25% of the book was all promotional material for Lothlorien's other books, including the first five chapters of two of her books. I didn't read them on principle, I don't even remember which books they were from. After this book I wouldn't read another book by this author and I'm glad I didn't pay for this one.
Had a lot of bad dates lately? These romances should give you hope.
The Frog Prince Retellings in Romance. HEA guarenteed.
My lists are never in any particular order. Enjoy!
1. Her Frog Prince by Shirley Jump
Bring together an uppity society princess with a scruffy marine biologist, then throw in a desperate matchmaker with faulty magic, and you’ve got the perfect recipe for disaster…or love. Magic and mayhem rock the boat
2. The Frog Prince by Elle Lothlorien
It was his pheromones that did it. With one sniff, sex researcher Leigh Fromm recognizes that any offspring she might have with the mysterious stranger would have a better-than-average chance of surviving any number of impending pandemics. But when Leigh finds out that the handsome "someone" at her great aunt's wake is Prince Roman Habsburg von Lorraine of Austria, she suddenly doubts her instincts--not that she was intending to sleep with the guy. The royal house of Habsburg was once completely inbred, insanity and impotency among the highlights of their genetic pedigree. (The extreme "bulldog underbite" that plagued them wasn't called the Habsburg Jaw for nothing.) It doesn't matter that his family hasn't sat on a throne (other than the ones in their Toilette) since 1918, or that Austria is now a parliamentary democracy. Their lives couldn't be more different: Roman is routinely mobbed by paparazzi in Europe. Leigh is regularly mocked for having the social skills of a potted plant. Even if she suddenly developed grace, charm and a pedigree that would withstand the scrutiny of the press and his family, what exactly is she supposed to do with this would-have-been king of Austria who is in self-imposed exile in Denver, Colorado?
3. Water Song by Suzanne Weyn
Young, beautiful, and wealthy, Emma Pennington is accustomed to a very comfortable life. Although war rages abroad, she hardly feels its effect. She and her mother travel from their home in Britain to the family estate in Belgium, never imagining that the war could reach them there. But it does.
Soon Emma finds herself stranded in a war-torn country, utterly alone. Enemy troops fight to take over her estate, leaving her with no way to reach her family, and no way out.
With all of her attention focused on survival and escape, Emma hardly expects to find love. But the war will teach her that life is unpredictable, people aren't always what they seem, and magic is lurking everywhere.
4. Kiss the Frog by Alice Gaines
Pity sex with the shyest student in the lab?
That’s what Felice Larson’s friends have blackmailed her into. Dev VonRamsberg seems nice enough, if you can see past the hair that hangs in his face, the glasses, and the corduroy slacks. It’ll be embarrassing for her and possibly humiliating for him, but if Felice doesn’t follow through, the others will let their professor know she ditched on a critical research trip. So she borrows a key and lets herself into Dev’s apartment in the middle of the night and promptly gets the surprise of her life.
Christian Devlin Philippe Pascal VonRamsberg, Crown Prince, and Heir Apparent to the Throne of Danislova, has lusted after his co-student, Felice Larson, for months but hasn’t followed through because of his obligations back home. But now that she’s literally snuck into his bed, he takes full advantage, much to their mutual delight. Dev’s been hiding out in plain sight in the United States so he can get his graduate degree and enjoy a more or less normal life before he has to return to Danislova to fulfill his duties to his country. He never expected to fall for an American woman, but now that he has, how can he give her a happy ending?
Felice discovers that she’s kissed a frog and won a prince, complete with a whirlwind tour of his lovely homeland in Eastern Europe. She falls in love with Danislova and the current Prince Royal, Dev’s father—a man closer to a father figure for her than her own parents. Unfortunately, Dev’s duties to his country require that he marry the right sort of woman…the wife his father has already selected for him. Will Felice and Dev face heartbreak, or can love triumph over tradition?
5. The Frog Princess by E. D. Baker
Princess Emeralda isn't exactly an ideal princess. Her laugh is like a donkey's bray rather than tinkling bells, she trips over her own feet and she does NOT like Prince Jorge, whom her mother hopes she will marry. But if Emma ever thought to escape her life, she never expected it to happen by turning into a frog! When convinced to kiss a frog so he might return to being a Prince, somehow the spell is reversed and Emma turns into a frog herself! Thus begins the adventure - a quest to return to human form.
Fascinating and hilarious characters ranging from a self-conscious but friendly bat to a surprisingly loyal snake and a wise old green witch confirm that readers won't soon forget this madcap story! A fantastic debut from the talented E.D. Baker.
6. Kiss That Frog by Cate Rowan
A cynical Los Angeles artist reluctantly pet-sits for her young niece's frog and discovers magic in the terrarium--in the form of a sexy enchanted prince.
7. Kissing Frogs by Laura Marie Altom
Shunned by the scientific world because of her erroneous reporting of the discovery of a new breed of frogs, biologist Lucy Gordon is reduced to teaching science in a British boarding school, but the worst of her downfall is the damage done to her esteemed biologist father. Then one day a frog the likes of which she's never seen appears. Excited because this time she's really found a new amphibian, Lucy kisses it and immediately finds herself with a naked man claiming to be a medieval prince. If only Prince Wolfe Graye had married the sorceress' daughter! Now that he's been kissed, Wolfe must convince this modern woman to declare her love for him before the next full moon in order to break the spell. Otherwise, it's back to frogdom. Lucy is in a real quandary. If the prince stays human, she'll lose her chance at fame and her father's forgiveness. If not, Lucy may lose the man of her dreams.
8. Enchanted by Alethea Kontis
It isn’t easy being the rather overlooked and unhappy youngest sibling to sisters named for the other six days of the week. Sunday’s only comfort is writing stories, although what she writes has a terrible tendency to come true.
When Sunday meets an enchanted frog who asks about her stories, the two become friends. Soon that friendship deepens into something magical. One night Sunday kisses her frog goodbye and leaves, not realizing that her love has transformed him back into Rumbold, the crown prince of Arilland—and a man Sunday’s family despises.
The prince returns to his castle, intent on making Sunday fall in love with him as the man he is, not the frog he was. But Sunday is not so easy to woo. How can she feel such a strange, strong attraction for this prince she barely knows? And what twisted secrets lie hidden in his past—and hers?
9. Frogs & Toads by Stacy Lynn Carroll
One kiss can change the future, for better or for worse. Belle and her cousins have conquered their fears. Now as they navigate their way through the dating world, they start to see a "happily ever after" on the horizon. But when an unexpected school assignment forces them to examine their past, the Princess sisters realize they have a lot of questions about the fathers they've never met. Secrets are revealed, long lost family members are discovered, and now the girls must decide who belongs in their future and who should be kept in the past.
10. Prince of Kisses by Colleen Shannon
Daughter of wealth and privilege, lovely Charlaine Kimball was known to Victorian society as the Ice Princess. But when a brash intruder dared take a king's ransom in jewels from her private safe, indignation burned away her usual cool reserve. And when the handsome rogue presumed to steal a kiss from her untouched lips, forbidden longing set her soul ablaze.
Illegitimate son of a penniless Frenchwoman, Devlin Rhodes was nothing but a lowly bounder to the British aristocrats who snubbed him. But his leapfrogging ambition engaged him in a dangerous game. Now he would have to win Charlaine's hand in marriage- and have her begging for the kiss that would awaken his heart and transform him into the man he was always meant to.
Vote for your favoite on my Goodreads list: The Frog Prince Romance
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