Overall, this is a very interesting read. I admire De Rossi for being so honest about her struggle with an eating disorder.
My only complaint is that only the tiniest fraction of the book focuses on her recovery. I wish she spent more time talking about that. But this is a memoir, a very personal story, so I'll let it slide.
I give Unbearable Lightness three stars. Recommend for anyone who wonders what it's like to live with an eating disorder.
This was a tough read - de Rossi is brutally honest about her life and her struggles with different eating disorders and her own self-acceptance.
I appreciate her honesty and hope that it helps connect with those out there who need to hear it. I hope it inspires others in some way, but for me, it was all just okay. The story starts in her childhood in Australia as she becomes interested in and begins modeling and follows her into her twenties when she has become an actress and is even starring in a new movie. The entire story is her struggle - the in-depth details of her binging and purging, her starvation, her skewed sense of reality. I kept waiting for the "recovery". Yet the book ended with her "rock bottom" and then a lengthy epilogue glosses over her attempt and final attainment of recovery. It was very unbalanced for me. I'm guessing maybe there wasn't as much recovery to go over at the time she wrote the book, but it would have made it a much stronger piece had it shown in equal parts the fall and the rise back up. I think there are so many people out there who could benefit from that version of this memoir.
Several times I found myself thinking it wouldn't be a good read for those already struggling or maybe on the fence about their self-worth and weight. She calls herself "fat" when weighing in at 98 pounds and talks about being able to grip her hip bones and see a huge gap between her thighs while lying sideways, but again, still talks of being "fat". Now, I understand this is the mindset, this is where the eating disorder takes hold and the skewed perception reigns, but that is why it is so important to show the flip side. To show the recovery. Otherwise, a reader is somewhat left with the feeling that those skewed perceptions are real and maybe even still de Rossi's belief and struggle (and maybe they are, again, another good reason for more development on the "after" part of the story).
Secondly, I felt like her sexual orientation, though a pivotal point in her self-worth issues and eating disorders, was treated minimally and even somewhat glossed over. She'd throw it in every now and then just to remind readers that she was indeed gay, but again, never really gave it true face-time. It was hundreds of pages of strife and then thirty-ish pages of now I'm outed, married, and at a healthy weight (and oh, by the way I don't eat animals anymore)!
In summary, I think her honesty was brave and probably very hard. I'm guessing it was monumental in her own recovery, but the lack of after story or recovery story left everything kind of hanging and awkward in my opinion.
I'm back to old habits! My currently reading pile consists of three books - what's everyone else reading?
Opening Line: “He doesn’t wait until I’m awake. He comes into my unconscious to find me, to pull me out.”
I knew almost nothing about Portia De Rossi before reading her gripping biography. Sure I’d seen her years ago on Ally McBeal. I knew she was beautiful, I knew she was married to Ellen DeGeneres and I had just assumed she was another perfect movie star living the dream with a life to be envious of. This is so not the case here.
Unbearable Lightness is brutal, scary, well written and shocking in its honesty, chronicling Portia’s almost lifelong struggle with an eating disorder. We bare witness as she yo-yo diets through the ages of 12-25 binging and purging, basing her happiness on the number on the scale. Then finally (through the help of a nutritionist) we watch as Portia becomes successful at “dieting.” Starving and excessively excising her way down to 82 lbs. Sad, frightening, tortuous and just plain crazy, this was engrossing yet at times painful to read.
We are given some insight into Portia’s life however this does not read like your standard memoir, focusing almost exclusively on her eating disorder and shying away from any real understanding of her career or personal relationships. In a vague sense we learn of Portia’s childhood in Australia, her early modeling days, first marriage in Los Angeles and almost invisible, worthless feelings associated with Ally McBeal. The only behind the scenes we get there are regarding her fittings and the size of her powers suits. Portia’s sexuality is discussed but again vaguely, mainly it’s as a fear of being exposed and her confusion living life as a closeted gay woman.
Throughout we get the feeling that Portia doesn’t feel she deserves anything, to say she has low self esteem would be an understatement, she has no self esteem. She is lonely obsessed with food and calorie counting and her only real relationship is with her treadmill, basing any happiness on losing weight, because everything will be perfect if she can just lose 5-10-15 lbs. As a warning; during the height of her disease this begins to read a bit like a how-to-guide for the anorexic and I would bare this in mind if you’re at all going to be using this book as a form of recovery tool.
During one Christmas Portia hits her lowest weight. At 82 lbs she’s consuming just 300 calories a day. She knows she’s too thin, she’s hiding her bony arms and her family is crying at the sight of her however she no longer knows how to eat, food scares her and she’s afraid of going back to the binging/purging and self hatred.
Eventually on a movie set DeRossi’s body can longer take the abuse; she’s sick, exhausted and her bones ache. She has also developed osteoporosis and lupus and has to start eating. Portia’s recovery process here is insightful, uplifting and beautifully done and I really wish her the best.
This was the scariest passage for me:
“I hadn’t eaten for many hours and my calorie count was fairly low that day, I would allow myself to have a piece of Extra chewing gum. I always allowed myself to have gum, but at 5 calories a stick, I had to add it to my daily calorie allowance because it was these kinds of unrecorded calories that could build up and cause you to gain weight.”
Portia proceeds to “pig out” in a self described “frenzied feeding.” Consuming the entire pack of gum in a matter of minutes. Then filled with guilt over what she’s done and terrified she’ll gain weight again she begins running sprints (in high heels) across the mall parking lot, in a desperate attempt to rid her body of the calories from the gum! and maintain control.
Absolutely amazing. This book is so eloquently written, and does such a beautiful job of laying out all the things throughout her life that led her to 82 pounds. The discussions of disordered eating are so well written, the absolute mindset that allows you to rationalize dropping from 600 to 300 calories a day.
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