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Search tags: Vaginal-Fantasy-Book-Club
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video SPOILER ALERT! 2014-03-26 05:29
Vaginal Fantasy Book Club #27

The lovely ladies touched on many of the things I didn't like about the main pick... except none of them seemed to have paid much attention to the character description of Lucien. I'm pretty sure I'd of enjoyed it more if I had selective memory with this one.

 

I don't think I can relate to anything they thought was positive... one of those "are you sure we read the same book" type of deals. The hangout was also kind of awkward again, not sure if they were just too sick or drunk but something felt off. o_o;

 

  • The Darkest Kiss by Gena Showalter - My Review - 2 Stars

 

So sad that the android category did not win the poll for next months pick, again! Another myth type book, I don't know if I can take it. I think I've had enough about gods, angels/demons, myths and fairy tales. Next months pick is Daughter of the Forest (The Sevenwaters Trilogy, Book 1) by Juliet Marillier  - now I'm off to skim reviews to see if it is worth my time.

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review 2014-03-22 05:35
The Darkest Kiss by Gena Showalter
The Darkest Kiss - Gena Showalter

This book is pretty much the same as the first book in the series and I'm fairly confident that the third book will be the same. Love at first sight. Female lead calms the male leads inner demon. A crazy mishmash of Greek mythology and Christianity elements. A plot inserted as an afterthought. Writing that goes from bad to good to bad again. Cartoonish characters.

 

I tried really hard to like this. The female and male lead both have several reasons for their respective attitudes and I know they are really old (thousand years+) and you can expect a certain level of possessiveness/misogyny but the author had no finesse in getting these characteristics across. The characters just ended up seeming bat shit insane. They did get better towards the middle but maybe that's because....

 

I tried tricking myself into liking the female lead by stepping back and trying to imagine who this author envisioned as she wrote. The best I could come up with was Aphrodite from Hercules: The Legendary Journeys.

This made reading a little more bearable. Unfortunately there was nothing I could do to picture the male lead differently after having been told his head was a sliced melon that had been put back together again AND burnt off. So what did I picture the male lead looking like the entire time? The Hound from Game of Thrones.

Actually, I think the Hound might be more handsome. I personally don't have a problem with what most people consider ugly, I think scars can be sensual, but this author pushed it way too far to the point that I would have to find Frankenstein's monster attractive. And then imagine said monster pleasuring a woman orally. NO THANKS.

Anyway, I don't think this would have been such a problem if the situations this author wrote weren't so cringe-worthy. Why did I expect otherwise when the first novelette had a guy sticking his tongue in the ladies navel (I think this even happened in this book or a tongue straying way close to one anyway... scrub, scrub, scrub the memory out). ETA: There was toe sucking.... just realised I missed this from my notes. >_<!

 

There was slut shaming going on. I might have been reading too into this, but I also got a vibe that the author might have had a hidden agenda. The entire romance was about a woman cursed into virginity and the two mains trying to find work-arounds to this dilemma. I liked that this book had more oral scenes than most, but the theme hidden behind it... what the author was pushing... I just felt annoyed!

 

Just a mention of the words/phrases this book used repetitively.

MINE

pumping

fisting hair

NEEDY

palmed her breast (not bad but not good when it's put on replay)

battling tongues and scraping teeth. SCRAPING TEETH!

teeth, just the word was used so many damn times.

Electric jolts upon touching each other.

Spiky lashes, as in eye lashes.

 

This book even managed to kill my idea of the character Paris (Promiscuity) and Aeron (Wrath). I didn't like their chapters at all. So, this is the end of the series for me. Not wasting my time reading the same book rehashed ten different ways.

 

-edit-

A few hours after writing this I had the idea to look up some videos on Aphrodite in the Hercules show to remember if Anya's (the female lead) character was much the same and came across this one... oh, the similarities. For shame!

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video SPOILER ALERT! 2014-02-28 21:54
Vaginal Fantasy Book Club #26

This book club meeting was a little awkward because both books that were picked for the month of February were not liked by many. I think Bonnie tried her best to stick to her guns over why she picked them, but I also felt bad for her because I could tell she wanted to back out of the burning building badly at some points.

 

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review 2014-02-25 01:17
Undead and Unwed by MaryJanice Davidson
Undead and Unwed - MaryJanice Davidson

This book started off okay (if you discount chapter 3) and as I read I thought to myself, "Yes! Finally a Bonnie pick that I can give at least 3 stars!" But nope. Maybe it was because the last book I read was so terribad that this one actually seemed funny for a while. This 'thinking it was funny' made a 180 when I reached chapter 16.

I mulled over all this last night while I was trying to fall asleep. I skimmed the chapters again before starting this review just to make sure I wasn't overthinking things. I don't think I am. There was just too much reference to child abuse and rape (in a light-hearted way) that I could not accept this as funny. There were also racial and homophobic references that left me feeling irritated. The racial stuff wasn't that bad. This, to me, seemed like she wrote in a character of colour just so everyone wasn't white and very rarely have I read a book in which this is handled well. I can let that pass. But the homophobic stuff... ungh! This started at chapter 16 and came to an almighty crescendo at chapter 19 with this line:

"I bet you say that to all the girls, you overly-moussed nancy boy."

This homophobic shit went on for four chapters and then the topic was dropped like it went out of style. This left me wondering WTF was that all for? WHY? WHY?!?!?! I probably wouldn't have hated this book if those four chapters hadn't made it to publication. Chapter 17. This chapter was rage inducing. It was DISGUSTING.

A character in the book who is a lesbian has sex with a man for the main character. The sex is rough/violent. This was done in very poor taste, IMHO. It wasn't funny, it didn't seem to be written in parody of anything (unless you consider 'taking one for the team' and using sexual preference as parody). It was just horrible.

(spoiler show)

I probably should have just walked away from this train wreck right then and there. *sigh*

The romance was lame. The guy she was supposed to get it on with was LAME. Not attractive, not likable, not even interesting. Most of the characters weren't interesting. The ending was obvious and then... just... ended. Bleh.

I usually don't add these because my chapter notes are just random thoughts and probably shouldn't see the light of day they are written so bad... but I found these interesting just to see how it went from okay to terrible so fast. And it was fast. This book had tiny chapters (often under 2k words) and was probably, roughly, 45k words total. I still want the time I spent reading this back. *grumble*

Oh, before the spoilers I would like to say.... had I read this book when it first came out I probably would have liked it more. I think I was a little more open to funny stuff then and not so serious about many things... today I feel like I'm on my porch with a cane telling all the kids to GTFO(ff) my lawn. :|

A week ago I was still installing Netscape Navigator!

Were people still using Netscape in 2004? O_o or was this book written in 1997 and didn't reach publication until 2004? Hmmm... yep, I think 17 year old me would have liked this better. Anyway, chapter notes below in the spoiler tags, they are spoilers so beware if you plan to read this.

 

 

1. MC is having a bad day (gets laid off, has to cancel her bday party because of the weather) and gets hit by a car. This chapter had an effective method of foreshadowing/flash back for details on a paranormal attack against her months prior.

 

2. She wakes up at a funeral home in cheap cast-off clothes/shoes courtesy of step-mother that she hates. She thinks she's a zombie and tries to off herself but fails.

 

3. She continues on wanting to off herself but runs into a woman and child in an alleyway being attacked by a group of guys. Plot device radar... somehow I doubt the characters she encounters in this chapter will have any part later on. Seemed like the author just wanted to demonstrate the MCs new abilities and shine her in a good light.

 

4. Another filler chapter... this one to demonstrate her vampire ability to turn men on. She still wants to die, goes to sleep on her bed that faces east and waits for the sun to do her in.

 

5. MC shows up to her fathers place to reclaim her shoes. Her best friend is there. Not caring about these characters because somehow I bet they are just there to be there.

 

6. MC tells her friend about coming back to life, friend tells her about the funeral. They leave, shoes in tow, after blending step-mothers jewelry. I wasn't feeling this chapter.

 

7. She visits her mom, happy reunion. She finds out she can't eat human food anymore without barfing it back up. This will probably be mom's only chapter, and again, it seems to just be here so we know the MC can't eat food and die from diseases.

 

8. Didn't feel this chapter either. The cops waiting for her at her house and her vamp charm leads to sucking his blood and him wanting to hump her. She turns him away because she knows she's manipulating him with vamp powers. MC comes off as having low self-esteem even though I guess this chapters purpose was to show she's "better" than that (taking advantage of others).

 

9. Her best friend bought her house and car to make things easier for her (having a rich bestie is so convenient!). She gets a call from a stranger that knows she's a vamp and wants to meet.

 

10. She gets abducted and taken to a cemetery where she meets other vamps and the "leader" vamp that dresses like old movie/cliche vamp. She tells them to fuck off, they try to 'punish' her with holy water and it doesn't work on her. There is a vamp in this chapter that's probably going to be her interest because she acts like he's disgusting but thinks he is everything but. Same old, same old.

 

11. She escapes the cemetery and spots a guy who is going to jump off a building. She talks him down, he wants her to bite him and she does and then he wanks off in front of her because instead of wanting to fuck her, he's gay. I bet this guy sticks around, she needs another stereotype buddy.

 

12. She takes her new pal to dinner, vamp interest guy shows up and claims he wants to help protect her from the bounty that's now on her head for disrespecting the head vamp.

 

13. MC, her best friend and new pal/now roommate (a doctor) go to the hospital and try to figure out her new undead status. They don't discover anything new, this is a filler chapter again, just to lead to this next event where her friends are ambushed and she's kidnapped again by the head vamp.

 

14. She meets the head vamp again, denies joining the opposing side (the vamp interest), refuses to join any side again and so they throw her into a dungeon (along with someone else?).

 

15. A new vamp enters the mix, this new vamp presents her with a cross and they escape the 'fiends' together. So these 'fiends' are the ones who attacked her while she was still alive back in chapter 1. The new vamp chick takes her to the vamp interest because she wants the MC to side with them to overthrow the head vamp.

 

16. Lots of sex in this chapter but none of it made me even a tiny bit happy in the pants. I pictured the vamp interest as hairy and buff (yuck!). It ended in an odd way, she liked but didn't like being kissed by the new vamp chick? Is this supposed to be a "confused" reaction to being kissed by a girl and liking it? She thinks one thing but speaks another, and I don't like what's coming out of her mouth. :|

 

17. It's getting annoying how often she has to tell us a vamp winces at the word God. This chapter was also disgusting, the chick vamp has sex with the cop from chapter 8 even though she doesn't really want to and does it for the MC. This came off as convoluted/unnecessary and just gross.

 

18. Man, this chapter is bad too. They bribe her to help by waggling shoes in her face. She was adamant about not helping them and then she jumps into his arms and kisses him because.... of shoes? I get it, funny. NO. Can't even like her a tiny bit right now and I'm glad when she gets clobbered. *cheering at Donald*

 

19. She is kidnapped yet again, this time she's strapped to a table or whatever. Her 'witty' or snarkiness is just fucked up here. This chapter basically tells you everything you didn't already figure out yourself. Probably was supposed to be an exciting chapter, but really I just wanted to finish already.

 

20. The vamp interest is badly burnt so she heals him by fucking in a pool of water (ick) and it's not all -that- bad except then she starts hearing the vamp interest's voice in her head and he is SUPER CHEESY.

 

21. This chapter was obvious 2-3 chapters ago. Bleh.

 

Epi. Not going to continue this series... that's for sure.

(spoiler show)



Might have noticed I don't mention any names in my notes or the review. The MC had 3-4 names, the vamp interest had 3-4 names, the villain had 3-4 names too. The only names I remember in this book are 1) Jessica her best friend, and 2) Tina, the chick vamp. Shitty character development. No world development, either.

 

2 1/2 stars only because it was well written and kept my attention and I am well aware that if I wasn't such a grinch I might have enjoyed this for what it is, a quick 'wanna-be funny' read with vamps. -edit- took off 1/2... it really is just a 2 and that's being generous. v_v;

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review 2014-02-19 05:39
A Girl's Guide to Vampires by Katie MacAlister
A Girl's Guide to Vampires - Katie MacAlister

Alright, I've spent the last couple hours doing everything on BL (reading Grim Lists, following more reviewers and reading tons of reviews in the process) except writing this review. I originally rated the book 2 stars, but I bumped it up by 1/2 star because I really can't decide whether I hated this book as much as I think I did and whether I hated it for the right reasons. -edit- bumped it back to 2 after thinking over. v_v;

This was the Vaginal Fantasy book club pick of the month, selected by the lovely Miss Bonnie Burton, and I had truly hoped to like this one. I think it was mentioned that this book was a parody on 'chic lit', but unfortunately I have never looked in to that genre so I hadn't a clue what to expect. After reading this, I'm pretty certain that this type of parody just doesn't work for me. In fact, reading this was just plain annoying. I even felt silly about feeling this way because I knew what it was and kept on reading. So maybe a star should be taken from me, instead, for being a stick in the mud. :P

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