It's the Jizzmas 'Corns vs. Grumpicorns Round #3! Check out all of our reviews here for this week's latest batch of Sunday Funday Jizzmas

2.5 HEARTS (barely)--Whelp, they all can't be winners.

 

 

Alec is a college attending rent boy. He's had a rough childhood and when he came out on Christmas, his life got rougher. He was homeless. Hooking provided a means to an end, where he can provide for himself and pay his way through college. I can't knock the hustle. Where the story goes off the Christmas track, is maybe around the point where a rent boy who can't read obvious signals from his crush. His older lawyer works for the Colorado Attorney General crush and cousin of Alec's best friend and dorm mate, Hayden.

 

The story is hella shallow, the plot is just as deep. A plus in this story's side is that the Christmas jizz is not heavy. But I can't keep stretching reality to make peace with this story. There's a big time investigation...for why? And the entire stripping thing...not needed. Or the info dumps on top of over-explanations. (ex. Why would a Colorado resident need to explain to another Colorado resident--pot is free? We won't even get into it being an older law enforcement type explaining to a college student) Hayden was cool with Alec's profession. I think that's awesome...however the reason why he likes him is because of his hotness?

 

(Refer to the gif above)

 

There wasn't any on page sex, so no worries for shallow bedroom escapades. I kinda wished the story kept to the promising crush, left the international case and just focus on the guy's obvious feelings without making the rentboy angle be this big thing that it turned out not to be.

 

The story telling skills were not for me. And it had nothing to do with the Santa Jizz. It was just quality.

 

Had promise...got lost in the vast info dumps.

I am desperately searching for new UF series to love.

 

This won't be it.

 

It had a solid world-building though I didn't love it - especially the "revenant" part was not exactly my cup of tea. But the tie between the paranormal abilities and the feeding/bond thingy was at least original.

 

What I didn't like: Marnie.

Yes, she was snarky and sarcastic and sometimes funny.

But she was also endlessly annoying, incredibly incompetent, very very very stupid and constantly horny.

It got old really fast.

 

What I liked even less: The love triangle that was not about love.

Because the revenant she is in love and lust with cannot love her (???), but the hot vampire hunter/cop is not a viable option for love - why exactly???

Marnie had retired her position as a consulting forensic psychic for the F B I six weeks earlier after her first and only case. Supervisory Special Agent Gary Chapel and Special Agent Mark Batten were in Marnie’s office at her desk, Agent Batten had been a vampire hunter in a former life.Battan was making Marnie feel hostile. Marnie was a touch psychic but also empath who felt both the real time emotions of the living as well as strong residue emotion left behind. Marnie had the impulse to pretend she wasn’t home when she saw the to agent through her peephole. They wanted Marnie to look at some gory pictures and tell them what she thought they were dealing with, The agents wanted her to check the pictures of a twelve year old girl named Kristen from Denver. Marnie had been working a serial murder case of the paranormal sort. A vampire had shot Marnie Marnie’s house mate was a vampire -revenant as they preferred to be called- was Lord Harry Dreppenstedd. To Marnie just told they agents to leave and then Harry came into the office and would back her.Harry referred to Marnie as his Day Sitter. Harry and Marnie had a bond. Harry was four hundred and thirty five years old and Agent Chapel and Battan belonged to The Preternatural Crime Unit. There was a newspaper article that talked about Marnie and calling her the Great White Shark of psychic investigators- as she had let a child serial killer slip through her jaws. Marnie hated sharks and wondered why she was the only one blamed for the child serial killer getting away. The agents already had Danika Sherlock on the case as far as Marnie was concerned they didn’t need her. Sherlock’s clairvoyant abilities had been decreasing the last seven years since George the vampire she had been linked to had been dusted All psychics were Day Sitters for vampires, As Day Sitters were guardians who merely borrow and direct power that belonged to a vampire that they secretly protected, nourished, and nurtured. Vampire Hunters were the new superheroes. Marnie had inherited Harry from her grandma Vi Marnie worked on mostly missing persons cases gone cold. Jeremiah Prost was a century old and his mind control; was excellent. It only took Jeremiah ten seconds each to control Marnie’s and Mark’s mind. Marnie had been shot two times by Jeremiah. Mark had initiated sex without telling Marnie he was engaged to Sherlock. Also he was a big butt after they had sex. I just really couldn’t get into this story. I read about one third of it and to me it just dragged. In the beginning I was interested but then lost all interest. I tried setting the book away and came back to it but that didn’t help.

Am I stupid? I can't understand what anyone is saying. We're dropped right into a meeting where everyone refers to past events with zero context. Then they just keep going on and on about things like I'm supposed to know wtf they're referring to, but I don't. The words they're using don't make any sense without context. The sentences they are saying make no sense because they're overly long and complex, still with no context. I feel like I've been dropped into the middle of a book written in a foreign language.

I made it 5% and was confused the entire way.

The first 40% we get told Alec’s entire sad history. Then we get no build-up whatsoever, just an instant relationship. And to top it all off we get fade to black sexy times.

I didn’t like this. :(

(And OMG did I cringe when they were about to have sex and Alec spent the entire day in an interrogation room, and before that he had sex with a client. Hello, shower!)