... No really, it is.

I have recently completed the diagnostic test for PTSD. That cutoff score being 38 points.... anything above that is a PTSD. 

I scored 56. 

So not only do I have clinical depression I have PTSD which exacerbate that and the associated anxiety disorder. 

This means, lots of time with a psychologist going through my worst memories and moments. Breaking them down, coming to terms with it and being emotionally wrecked afterwards. 

Honestly? I don't know if I'm strong enough for this. I'm worried about what it will do to me personally, I'm worried what stresses it will give my wife. I'm worried just plain and simple.

I have been voraciously reading though. I rediscovered Andy McDermitt's Nina WIlde and Eddie CHase series of archaeological thrillers and I've been devouring them. I'm back at work part time while this all continues and I'm smoking again.

Smoking will kill me, I completely agree, but smoking will kill me in 20+ years. My brain will kill me right now if it gets the chance. I'm on the mend but it's going to take time and perseverance.  I hope I'm strong enough, because if I'm not... I'm fucked. 

Stupid fucking heat...

For the better part of a week now I've been getting headaches and I know that they are directly heat related... And today again it's going to be upwards of 40 degrees celsius... I'm gonna die.

That's I havent been reading this past week... my head hurts, I figured it out this morning on the way to work when at the bus stop waiting, I literally couldn't get my eyes to focus on the words on the page...

Stupid summer, stupid headaches...

Bring on the winter.

The migraine has blessedly passed. I was on my back for two day until it ran its course. now I have that post migraine fatigue and a regular old tension headache which will be sorted out tomorrow when I see my masseure (SP?).

So this means that on Thursday, with any luck, I will be videoing my vlog finally. Let us hope that nothing else knocks the plan on its ass.

Tomorrow I shall be filming my vlog. Is there anything anyone would like me to talk about, anything at all?

If there is just let me know and I'll do my level best to get it included!

Tanslation: I have no clue what to talk about when I film this tomorrow... Help lol. 

Does anybody mind if I post about things other than books considering I've most just been reading the newspapers and various news aggregate sites lately?

I can do funny memes I find, funny video links, tv stuff that interests me and gaming stuff as that's the headspace I'm in at the moment.

Plus with all the responses to my noticeable absence (I swear to Odin's mighty eye patch I had no idea people would respond) I don't want this to lapse into the void. I'd like to share content but it might not always be book related.

Is that a problem to anyone?