When you are investing heavily in a relationship with someone who does not reciprocate back, it can feel horrible. All of your affection and kindness are falling on deaf ears. And it can be even worse if it is a repeat pattern you go through repeatedly. 

The reality is that while it is not a good pattern to deal with, it is possible to overcome it. The issue comes from insecurity, a desire for validation (which rarely comes) and a general lack of self-esteem. If that feels like you, then read on for a few strategies to overcome this pattern: 

• Identify the signs early on – if you have been in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable person, you know just how draining it can be due to the other person. At first, it may feel like they are mysterious and deep, which can only increase that feeling of attraction towards them. But soon enough, it just turns out they are closed off and detached. It is important to work towards a solid relationship with someone who can show a range of emotions immediately. If you notice the signs of unavailability early on, it is best to move on and spare yourself the heartache. 
  
  
• Be honest about why you fall for the same type – if you find yourself dating the same heartbreaker, again and again, you need to slow down and self-reflect. It is fine if you have had bad luck once, but if it repeats, it is a pattern that needs some help. Perhaps a little consultation with a therapist or a coach can greatly help. 
  
  
• Don’t fall for false hope – often, people get hurt because of false hope. You should steer clear of people who text a lot but never initiate plans. That is when someone they are interested in texts a lot and initiates some form of connection, but without ever planning a date or seeing the other. This is a great way to develop false hopes that a relationship can happen. 
  
  
• Insist on identifying your relationship after a certain period. If you are dating an emotionally unavailable person, you may feel like they are stringing you along for a long period. You should be alert if they are keen on dating you but don’t want to call it a relationship. It is understandable if they don’t want to use labels initially. But if they don’t call the relationship label after an extended period, maybe they are just not interested in making things official anytime soon, if ever. 
  
  
• You should not feel like their saviour – while you may be eager to help someone, it should not be your job. You need to ask yourself what you are getting out of a relationship with someone who cannot commit. If you feel like you are there to rescue them, to show them that people are worth caring for, you are only wasting your efforts. Instead, you should be focused on dating someone who will appreciate your work. 
  
  
• Work on your sense of self – if you have self-esteem issues, you should work on yourself and develop confidence. How you feel about yourself reflects the relationship you will be in and the dating life you will lead. When you are ready and confident to meet a partner who will commit, you will never settle for anyone else.
  
  

These strategies make you more prepared to face the challenge of falling for emotionally unavailable partners and avoid this reality altogether. 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

Many people think it is uncommon for women to date an older man, but it is not that rare. But there is a certain combination of being experienced and providing that sense of stability that women find very attractive in older men. 

If you are in a similar situation and unsure how to navigate such a relationship, you should learn the few essential dos and don'ts. Many external factors may influence your relationship or make it more challenging to progress. Here is the important list to follow. 

The Dos of Dating an Older Man

• Discuss what dating means to both of you – when you start things up with someone older than you by some 10-15 years, you both need to have absolute clarity about what you want to achieve in this relationship. For example, if you are in your 20s, you may consider someone dating for the experience. But will you let it become more serious in the long run? You need to discuss it to be on the same page, honestly. 
  
  
• Learn from him – if there is one thing older men bring to the table in the relationship that no one else can, it has to be experienced. Keep an open mind at all times and learn from him. 
  
  
• Relish your youth – don't feel guilty about being young when you are dating someone older than you. Youth is a gift that you should not skip. So when he doesn't feel like hiking, you should not cancel plans. In other words, the difference in your age should not become one of its major drawbacks if you don't let it. 
  
  
• Do you want to pursue deep emotional intimacy with an older man? You need to be able to answer this question as you progress in your relationship affirmatively. Fine-tune your feelings – as the relationship goes on, you should keep in touch with your feelings. 
  
  

The Don'ts of Dating an Older Man

• Don't insist on what he does not want – if you are both in for something casual and you become invested at some point, you should not push him into something he is not ready to invest in. You should be honest with him about his feelings and consider major factors like emotional baggage from his past and more clarity on his age, which can impact his decision to be with you. 
  
  
• Don't lose your character and individuality – wise nature is probably one of the qualities that attract a young woman to an older man. But while it feels nice having a partner who can advise you along the way, you have to be mindful of him taking over your life. Speak your mind and stand up for yourself when you feel strongly about something. 
  
  
• Don't pester him for the company – it is essential to do things together that you both enjoy. However, you should pester him about the things that are only interesting to you but do not sit well with him or are too demanding. Perhaps he may not be as inclined to do a pub crawl till the morning, but maybe he is more than happy to make a road trip. 
  
  
• Don't assume he is feeling a certain way – regardless of how your relationship has started, you should not assume how he is feeling. If you ever think there is some ambiguity, you should have a discussion. Keep all channels open and have frank conversations about important matters. 
  
  

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

Have you ever experienced a situation where you think you are growing closer to your partner, before suddenly acting in what seems calculated ways to push them away? There is a greater emotional and physical distance between you, less interest in each other’s needs, tense communication and sometimes even unkind words. 

There is a lot of hurt and confusion that can come in this sort of relationship dynamic, especially when one side deems it to be progressing nicely. If you feel like you are shutting down when a relationship builds up to a more serious phase, you should know that change is possible. However, it is important to consider the reasons why it happens before anything else: 

• Fear of intimacy – pushing people away is one of the ways of avoiding intimacy. This is a common mechanism of defence for people who have the fear of being hurt in a relationship. If you have a past relationship that hurt you, the consequences can manifest in many ways, among which worries about repeat rejection in the same manner. Your subconscious might hide such fears, even if you think you have healed. They will come over in the form of an instinct to protect yourself from rejection. And even if the actions happen on a more unconscious level, the result is the same – you drive your partner away, for the sake of self-preservation and avoiding intimacy. 
  
  
• Attachment problems – attachment style of avoidance can also play a role in pushing people away. This theory has to do with one’s early years of life. If your primary caregiver/parent was not emotionally close during your childhood, you may acquire an avoidant attachment style. This is characterized by suppressed needs for intimacy and closeness, as you have learned to be self-sufficient from a young age. You cannot stand when a relationship gets too intense. 
  
  
• Low self-confidence and self-esteem – people who are not confident in themselves and struggle with low self-esteem are also prone to pushing others away. Perhaps you think that you will let them down, or that they don’t like you that much, or that they will leave you for someone better later on. You think yourself not good enough for them and so you push them away instead of working on a relationship. Many people who have bigger issues with self-confidence think that they don’t even deserve a healthy relationship, even though that is never true. 
  
  
• Trust issues – if you have been betrayed in a previous relationship, it is common that you will have trust issues. If someone cheated on you, you may have a hard time repairing your broken trust. This can cause a lot of bumps down the road of any relationship, in which partners don’t invest extra efforts to convince each other of their true feelings and intentions. 
  
  

So how do you change all that and let people in your life? 

• Start slow – if you wish to build a close relationship, you should never rush things. Evaluate the real issues stopping you from achieving that and work on them with your partner. 
  
  
• Talk about it all – good communication is the most important pillar of any relationship. And while it may seem scary discussing such problems with your partner, it is the only way to make progress with your relationship with them. 
  
  
• It is a balancing act – if you are too eager to prevent the impulse of pushing others away, you could end up in the other extreme of becoming too needy and not respecting your partner’s boundaries. You have to strive for balance and interdependence – to support each other, without depending on them entirely. 
  
  

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

If you are among the people who believe that it is never too late to date another person again, then you are in luck. The reality of things is that even people in their 50s can find pleasure in seeing other people again. There is much less drama going on in their lives, and they have their priorities straight. There is no need to feel any intimidation or stress when it comes to dating at a later age because it is fully possible to do it in a way that nets you that special someone. Here are a few useful tips in that regard: 

• Try a dating site – you may feel reluctant to give online dating a go, but it is one of the most easily accessible ways to meet new people. It is especially helpful for people in their 50s since it links mature men and women together without them investing all that much effort. You can easily get a tailored service at one of the websites that offer such. You can discreetly browse the profiles of other people looking to date in their 50s and connect to them with the click of a button. 
  
  
• Adopt a hobby – taking up a new activity in your 50s may not be your goal, but you should do it. Not only can learning new skills boost your wellbeing, but also save you from some mental illnesses later in life. It is also great from a dating perspective because it gives you yet another chance to connect to people in a fun and relaxed environment. Some of the common hobbies that people in their 50s are particularly likely to enjoy include cooking classes, choirs, book groups or learning a new language/instrument. Picking up a new activity with a social aspect is a sure win! 
  
  
• Open up to friends and family – people in their 50s often feel more self-conscious when it comes to dating. In that situation, it is important to have the good support of friends and family members, who can encourage the pursuit of a new romantic relationship. For people who have children, it is important, to be honest about the big things happening in one’s life. 
  
  
• Physical exercise – one more tip for the over-50s dating is to physical exercise. There are many activities that people at that age can do, such as swimming, yoga, walking. Exercising is well-known to boost confidence, as well as energy and wellbeing. It can help with any insecurities that an individual in their 50s may have. It is also good for boosting sexual performance. Activity clubs and exercise classes are also a great way to meet new people and one more opportunity to meet a like-minded person. 
  
  
• Going on a solo holiday – being in your 50s comes with certain benefits, such as having freedom and financial independence. You can always try having an adventure and going for a solo holiday. You can plan what you want to see, move at your own pace and make connections with people you wouldn’t otherwise when travelling with others. A lot of travel operators even offer trips for people in their 50s, which guarantee you will travel with people your age. 
  
  
• Learn to say ‘yes’ – being more adventurous is what dating in one’s 50s is all about. Breaking out of the daily routines established by that age can be very difficult to do. However, embarking on a new relationship demands changes. Going with the flow and saying ‘yes’ ensures new opportunities that would otherwise be more difficult to achieve. 

Dating in your 50s is not all that impossible, as long as you adopt these clever tips and set your mind to it. 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach

Relationship coaches help individuals as well as couples acquire and hone the skills for building and maintaining successful romantic relationships. The major focus is finding out current flaws within one’s character, as well as building conflict resolution skills that could lead to better intimacy and care. In the following guide, you can find out more about the work of a relationship coach, how they can help and the benefits of working with one. 

The purpose of working with a relationship coach

To many people, a good relationship is the foundation of their happiness. But it is not always to find that special someone and make a relationship work for you and them both. Building and maintaining a committed relationship is no easy thing, especially if you have had trouble in the past. You need proper relating skills, to identify what is holding you back and work on self-improvement, to have a better chance. That is what a relationship coach can help with. They can address all of these issues and help every individual have a thriving relationship in their life. 

How do they accomplish this? 

The main focus of a relationship coach is to help individuals and couples learn the tools that help a relationship thrive. A coach can help people navigate their differences and conflicts, aid their communication and conflict resolution skills, all to the goal of becoming more successful partners. Coaches can uncover what makes partners happy and unhappy and focus on how to make the positives stand out more. 

Difference between a relationship coach and a couple’s therapist 

Even though a marriage coach and a relationship coach have somewhat similar approaches, couple’s therapy is different from what you will experience with a relationship coach. During the former, you will mostly talk through issues, with little practical tools. On the other hand, relationship coaches can provide certain practices that will help a person overcome their most challenging dynamics in a relationship. 

What about the difference between a relationship coach and a dating coach? 

Work with a dating coach is more focused on honing the skills needed to successfully land a date and the early stages of meeting someone. In contrast, a relationship coach is more geared towards boosting interpersonal skills and confidence. They can help in improving communication and intimacy with an existing partner. The skills they teach, such as vulnerability, empathy and attentive listening are used to hone one’s character and become a better individual. 

How do you work with a relationship coach? 

A relationship coach will most commonly first explore your greatest challenges. That way they will determine what you should work on. When the expert knows more about you, your ways of communication and how you interact with your partner, they can then begin teaching you the skills to overcome the present issues. They will know when you are passing the blame and not taking responsibility for your own mistakes, and they will teach you how to become more kind towards your partner, to soften the existing conflicts. 

The benefits of working with a relationship coach

A relationship coach is the best source of information in the field of relationships whose knowledge and expertise you can tap into. If you have no idea what is wrong between you and your partner, but you know things aren’t as they used to be, a relationship coach can help you find out. The main benefit is that they will give you objective feedback and help you learn the skills to become a better person, not just for the sake of your relationship, but as a whole. 

© Kate Mansfield Dating Coach