I'm going to be kicking off my involvement in #IndieCrimeCrawl with the latest from Nick Kolakowski. About a year ago, he emailed me to take a peek at his novel Boise Longpig Hunting Club, a fast, energetic, visceral read. Then came his Love & Bullets Hookup Trilogy -- which was as entertaining as you could want. Now it's time for his new short fiction collection, which I pre-ordered the instant I heard about it. One of the best things about Indie Crime Fiction is the depth of strong voices with perspectives you don't find every day. Nick Kolakowski is a prime example of this. Check out all of his work, you'll be in for a treat.
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With a feral yelp, Raoul worked the dial until he landed on a station thundering drums and guitar, a solid backbeat for Luis and Jesus slicing and shoveling mounds of peppers and onions and pig. The music blasted the asphalt amphitheater of the parking lot, signaling that the truck was officially open for business.

 

The first customers drifted toward them. Give me your hungry, your nearly broke, your masses yearning for lunchtime deliciousness, Jesus thought as he wiped his hands on his apron and prepared to meet the first of the lunch rush. And I’ll give you two tacos for three dollars.

 

That's from "Taco Truck," one of the ten short stories that appear with a novella in Nick Kolakowski's latest collection, Finest Sh*t!: Deviant Stories. There are tales of revenge, heroism, thwarted revenge, and people driven to extremes no one should be driven to -- even some SF. Essentially, like with the best of Crime Fiction (no matter when it's set) we have people in desperate situations (sometimes of their own making, sometimes out of their control) doing what they needed to.

As with every short story collection, there are some of these short stories that really, really worked for me, and others that didn't do much for me at all -- that's just how it goes. But even the stories that I didn't appreciate had that Kolakowski quality that I've really come to enjoy.

The novella, The Farm takes up about half of the book. It begins in 1931 and ends in 2008, following one farming family through the generations. This family goes through wars, violent crime, financial hardship, betrayal -- and more than a few of the more positive parts of life, too. There's some poetry, too. I guess that qualifies as one of the more positive aspects, but I'm not always sure. In the end, I really liked this novella -- but it took some effort to get into it. That's probably on me. Kolakowski fits a novel's worth of a family saga into this roughly 100 pages -- which is quite a feat. There's part of me that would like to see it developed into a 350-400 page novel to flush out some of the details, but I think he's right to keep it brief. It alone is well worth grabbing the collection.

This collection covers all sorts of tones, topics and perspectives. As I've come to expect from Kolakowski, I wouldn't have predicted anything that I found in these pages. My rating may be on the low side, but that's just because I couldn't really sink my teeth into anything -- I typically rate short story collections low. But there's gold in here -- a little dross (but what I think is dross will probably appeal to others). If you're not familiar with Kolakowski, this is a great way to introduce yourself to one of the strongest voices in Crime Fiction today. If you are familiar with him, you don't need me to tell you how good these stories can be.

I'm not loving Deviant, or even liking Deviant really. More like, tolerating Deviant.

I can't really put my finger on what's off here. Well besides the line spacing making a 100-150 page book appear to be 200. There was something about the way the characters interacted that at times made them appear mentally challenged or painfully naive or something. Like, Forrest Gump, the romance H. I don't think the H's insecurities helped that either. The h seemed to spend entirely too much time (when not boinking him) reassuring him that he was HAWT!!!!!

As for the sex scenes. Imagine reading the script for a porn flic and you got it.

The H, due to his "flaws" (as a note, the cyborgs are as bigoted as anyone else, and they don't like the dark skin tones), is not part of a family unit (reverse harem if you're wondering) so he's still holding his unicorn grooming license. Dear old dad rented the brothel for 12 hours so he could run the license through a shredder with a sex 'bot. The h, due to an accident, has 3 artificial limbs and is trying to get away from an erstwhile mail order bride situation where the "groom" actually has a brothel with real humans. So she hides in the *other* brothel at the space station, and for the better part of the next 175 or so pages, alternates being terrified she'll be passed around, being terrified she'll be tossed out an airlock, and being upset at the H's mother, with some sex education rounds with the H.

I'm sad to say, but - too much sex and not enough story. :(

WTHeck kinda fresh hell was this?!

This book just sucked. It took way too long to get to the point of why this dude felt so strongly about punishing this girl. You don't know the why of it, until about the 88% mark of the book. 

"Making her pay for all that she's done"
I promise! If he said this line one more time, without telling me why, I was about to throat punch his a&&... And what was finally revealed? Sorry, but the punishment did not fit the crime AT ALL.
And I knew it! I knew that his issue was something that could have been cleared away then and there, if he just went to her when it happened. I also figured out who set the mess in motion in the first place, way before that was revealed too. Oh and how quickly that person came to an end. 
So anti-climactic it hurt my feelings.

And how the heck did she truly figure it out? It doesn't tell you or show you how she figures it out by just doing a little research online. Hell, if that's all it took, she could have done that 18 chapters ago! Still even though you know what she's researching, it still didn't show you how she connected those dots. Smh. 

The only thing that was good about this story, was her relationship with 16 year old Jeremy
This was the only touching and real thing about this book. From how they met and formed their bond. It was all organically and emotionally sound. And flowed well. Too bad this still could not save this book.

The ending sucked only to leave way for a crappy cliffhanger, to get you to buy book two.
But this chick here, has left this crazy train and I will not be returning.

If you haven't figured it out yet, No. I would not recommend this read.

#NotHappy

After barely surviving a horrific accident, then being held captive for years by Earth Government, Venice must escape the planet. She thinks she’s found the answer to her prayers when she contracts to be a deep-space bride—only to find herself facing an even bigger nightmare. Hiding from her con man “husband” aboard his space station, she comes across an intimidating cyborg…one who could just be her last hope.

Deviant is humiliated when his father suggests he visit a pleasure center to make use of a sex bot. True, the defects he was born with have assured female cyborgs will never consider adding him to a family unit. But he still has his pride. The woman who enters the room, however, is incredibly lifelike, and she quickly has Deviant feeling things he’d never dreamed—right until the moment he finds out she’s human. Sort of…

Venice needs Deviant’s help to get off the space station. Deviant is lonely, and in need of someone to teach him how to pleasure a female. They strike a bargain, one that has Venice giving up her freedom. But soon it’s her heart that’s at greater risk. It’s easy loving Deviant…even when others are determined to make it difficult.

Review

So, I love my cyborg crack. This was pretty run of the mill and could have been tons better with more details.

I liked the heroine and the connection back to what is happening on Earth. Her practical nature was refreshing. The romance was sweet.

What was lame was that there is still all this human hate on the Cyborg planet. We get to see very little about how the planet works. This would have been much more interesting.

The father should get his own romance.