I went to see The Force Awakens today. This is my review of the movie:

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That's it. Move foward.

ETA: It's been brought to my attention that Koch is Dutch and not Norwegian. Sorry about that.

I'm conflicted. Mainly because I don't know to whom I should give half of the credit. Herman Koch is a Norwegian author who seems incapable of telling a poorly-told tale. But I have no idea how good of a writer he is. You see, Koch doesn't write in English. His novels are translated by a guy named Sam Garrett. I know things get lost or changed in translation. This is fact. There are words in English that simply do not exist in other languages and vice versa. But it should be known that, while I do not know who to congratulate, this book read exquisitely well, as did my first Koch read, The Dinner. And guess what? Sam translated that one too. Who gets the credit for this butter-smooth prose? Unless I learn Norwegian, I'll never know.

What I do know is, Summer House with Swimming Pool is an amazingly well-told story about people who're terrible at being human. Several tough subjects are broached: infidelity, euthanasia, age of consent, and capital punishment for child molesters (which I agree with, no bones about it; I believe a person who forces themselves on a child shouldn't share the air I breathe, even moreso than a murderer because a pedophile's victims continue to suffer long after the act, whereas a murderer's victim is dead and gone.)

The plot is wonderfully twisty, but the twists and turns are only half the entertainment value to be had. The exemplary character writing floored me, even moreso than with The Dinner. At first, Summer House with Swimming Pool was okay. I found it bit unfocused and confusing, but I needn't have worried. All was brought to light by the end. And then it jumped from okay to good... from good to great... from great to amazing. In the simplest language, it kept getting better and better. That cannot be said for many novels. But do not get me wrong. The book didn't start badly and get better. It maintained upward momentum throughout. I will be talking about this novel for some time.

A word of warning to those of you who believe this to be light summer reading, as suggested by the cutesy blue-and-yellow cover. This book can be at times disturbing. There is a scene involving a needle and an eyeball. I will say no more. If you believe that such things should never come in contact with each other and that having them do so would ruin your reading experience, please pass up this novel. If you're like me and you enjoy disturbing content, hop aboard. We'll be making stops at least every fifty pages.

In summation: Herman Koch is now on my Must-Buy list. He has a new novel coming in 2016 and I am now eagerly awaiting it. I might have to take up Norwegian so I can read his earlier books, or, you know, Crown Publishing can get the lead out of their asses and publish the rest of this dude's back catalog. Love ya for it.

Final Judgment: Will probably end up on my Top Five of 2015 list.

I received this book from http://www.bloggingforbooks.org/ for this review. They make me say that because of the FTC and all that jazz. It didn't sway my final judgment. If you have a problem with that, maybe seek counseling and stop worrying about what other people do.

Dearest Hollywood, I want more movies like this.

I will not sully the experience that is Blue Ruin by explaining why it's the best thriller I've seen in damn near five years. Watch it, and then we'll discuss it. It's on Netflix. Go on. I'll be here when you get back.

In summation: Highly recommended to everyone who can stand brutal content. 

Final Judgment: Watch this fucking movie.

Trigger Warning: rape, homophobia, general women hating, slut shaming, single mother shaming, suicide as a plot device - this book runs the gamut. No racism, so that is a plus maybe?

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You know the saying, "The person who treats you nicely but treats the waiter horribly is not a nice person"?

Meet the MC of this horrible shit storm of a book - Emily Keane! The living embodiment of said not nice person.

Emily lives her life by a conservative routine, safe and secure about EVERY. FUCKING. DETAIL. OF. LIFE. ITSELF. She is a mentally draining character to read. Emily is a planner; she has two strict plans at the beginning of this book: 1) be promoted to the position of Creative Director at the advertising firm she and boyfriend work at and 2) to have said boyfriend of seven years, Lenny, propose. Neither works out and Emily goes into a tailspin. Emily's logic solution to having her plans screwed up by life, fate, other people - to take her own life via swallowing a shit ton of pills on her 27th birthday and donate her organs to people in need. Yes, she plans out the suicide to the letter in the week leading up to her "big day."

That coveted job is given to Emily arch-nemesis Simone (who Emily maturely nick-names Si-Moan), who likes to drink, have sex, dance, and laughs....basically likes to live. Simone does not know there is a rivalry between her and Emily, doesn't know that Emily hates her, and the whole arch-nemesis crap is clearly one-sided on Emily's part. The sheer amount of slut-shaming and woman-bashing in the earlier chapters makes me think a MRAs supporter wrote this shit. And by the end of the book, Emily and Simone are friends, even though Simone admitted to sleeping with Emily's ex after one too many beers and confessed that her first sexual encounter with a guy was when she was fourteen and the guy was her mother's boyfriend. Simone would use the word rape, but that was all I could think of.

Yes, single mothers are punching bags in this book. Emily's mother was single mother; she died when Emily was 5 because of a hit-and-run accident one night when she went out with friends to a bar. Needless to say, Emily's grandparents drilled it into Emily's head that single mothers are horrible selfish people. Simone also had a single mother, but her mother worked two jobs to support Simone and her mother had many lovers over the years (one who raped Simone). I found this to be quite offensive, as I had a single mother who busted her ass to support me and my sister in every way. I wouldn't be half the mom I am today without my mother being a role model. Fuck you Emily!

Emily's one friend is her hairdresser Tyler. Tyler is gay; after Lenny breaks up with Emily, Tyler tries to lift her spirits with a new cut and dye job, then escorts her to a big gala sponsored by GLAAD. Turns out, Simone won a raffle and ends up meeting Emily and Tyler. Tyler goes to network a bit, and Simone starts asking Emily if he is single, yada yada. Emily tells Simone that Tyler is gay and Simone's reaction? "Oh, he's a fudgepacker, huh? Too bad." REALLY?????? Emily is offended on behalf of Tyler and sets Simone straight about her word choice. Simone's response was "It was just a joke. Lighten up." UGH, cop out, aisle one. Then, an a hypocritical move, a few chapters later Emily is in a fight with Tyler and calls him a queen. Fuck my life - I should have DNF'd it right there.

While at the GLAAD gala, Emily meets Dr. Becker. Becker is a surgeon who left medicine to become a businessman. Emily lets it slip that she is going to kill herself and donate her organs. Becker's business is black market human organs. Emily signs a contract with Becker: for one million dollars right now, Emily will wait one year to kill herself while Becker lines up his customers and then when she kills herself, he will harvest her organs and sell them to his customers. Emily is not allowed to do damage to her organs in the mean time (like get blackout drunk and destroy her liver) or Becker will harvest her organs early to save his investment. I am reading this going EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

There is also various scenes of sexual harassment and violations of a woman's space. The cherry on this shit sundae.

Stay the hell away from this book. It is not funny in the least - it is very triggering, dangerous and insulting. -1 million stars, one star for every dollar Emily took in exchange for her organs.

I am now averaging one hate read per month. The book is Carpe diEmily and quite frankly, I want to carpe her throat in between my hands. We have homophobic slurs, a serious amount of slut-shaming, a heaping amount of women-hating in general, cruel and ugly judgments placed on people who are minding their own damn business, and a plot line that centers on a suicide being a breezy business decision to make after you didn't get the promotion you wanted and your asshole of a boyfriend dumps you after seven years rather than proposal.

I am now reading this so I can report on all the ways why you should avoid this book and this series. I might have a rage-induced stroke afterwards though, so I am going to take my Bayer dose to hopefully ward it off.